Growing Pains
by Diporae
Summary: At first it seemed as though he would be fated to be the shortest turtle, but sometimes things turn out in a way no one could ever anticipate. The summer before Raphael's eighteenth birthday would mark the beginnings of what would change his and his family's lives forever, and after years of self-inflicted exile, a red-headed reporter may be the key to his salvation. 2k12AU Raphril
1. Chapter 1

Growing Pains

 **A/N I do not own TMNT, but I am forever grateful for their existence!**

 **Also, I must give full and very much deserved credit to SetoAngel01 who has given me the gift of numerous stunning pieces of fan art for this fic, including the cover art. She is supremely talented and you all should check her out! Thank-you so much SetoAngel01!**

Chapter 1

It hadn't started over night, but by no means had it been a gradual process either. In their younger years Donatello had always towered over his brothers. He had been the family's beanpole. Meanwhile Leonardo, the next tallest, had lingered with several modest inches behind his purple-clad brother. It almost seemed natural that their baby brother Michelangelo would settle in for the long run as the shortest, his feigned altricial behaviour easily slotting him into the role. Then there was Raphael, neither as tall as Leonardo nor as short as Michelangelo. For many years the brothers remained in their respective height designations, but not long after puberty hit and they reached their late teens, did the order abruptly begin to change.

First came Michelangelo's growth spurt. After his sixteenth birthday, the youngest would spend the next year shooting up, past Raphael, past Leonardo and by the fall of his seventeenth birthday, Michelangelo found himself eye-to-eye with his once tallest brother, Donatello. Leonardo's height had not changed in the slightest; he remained content as long as he remained above Raphael. Said turtle on the other hand was less-than-impressed by this sudden turn of events. For within the year of Michelangelo's growth spurt he had endured being left behind as the shortest. Insult only adding to injury by the fact that he also remained the heaviest. It didn't matter that Raphael's extra weight came from his muscular build. Being three inches shorter than Leonardo and a good fifty pounds heavier still left him unsettled. The youngest turtle's constant ribbing certainly did not help.

Come the year of Raphael's eighteenth birthday, the turtles' human friends had finished their senior year, proudly graduating one beautiful June morning. Raphael and April had been an item for the last couple of years and although Raphael had grown, so had his brothers, leaving him still in the dust of their superior inches. April knew her boyfriend was bothered by it, but there was little she could do on the matter. Besides, Raphael was now a good two inches taller than her, which had been a victory in and of itself when only a few years ago April had towered over said turtle, and so she was more than content. Still, following the morning of their graduation, when April and Casey prepared for the class trip to Canada for the summer, April was sad to see her boyfriend still evidently bummed out over the whole situation given that very morning had seen Michelangelo officially surpass Donatello (five nine and a half) by a whole quarter inch on the marked wall by the fridge.

When Splinter had placed a congratulatory hand on his youngest – and now tallest – son's shoulder, Raphael had immediately left the kitchen sulking. It didn't matter that all four turtles were now very near their Sensei's height (Leonardo and Splinter now within a hair of being on par at five eight), Raphael was still the shortest (five five) and with his birthday at the end of summer, it was looking like that was the way it would stay.

Short and fat was how Michelangelo had put it. They all were very much aware there was nothing remotely "fat" regarding Raphael and although the freckled turtle clearly had meant the comment in jest with no intention to hurt, April knew her boyfriend was very much affected by the remark. So come three days later, when Casey and April boarded the bus for their summer abroad, the red-head was very much concerned at the mood she had left Raphael in the mere night previous.

It turned out that although her worry had been justified, nature had a way of ironing out such concerns given a bit of time.


	2. Chapter 2

Growing Pains

Chapter 2

At first, no one really noticed anything different. Between April and Casey's departure and Michelangelo's milestone, Raphael went around in a perpetual sulk that left his head retracted slightly in his shell and his posture slouched. It wasn't until Master Splinter was after him to straighten his form while sparring against Leonardo that a tiny flicker of thought registered that Raphael could see more clearly into Leonardo's eyes. Yet, in the flurry of combat, the thought was gone as soon as it came, and forgotten altogether.

June rolled into July and with it came one of the worst flus to hit the Lair since the turtles were tots. All four of them were down for the count. Master Splinter was run ragged as he tended to his ailing sons whose fevers left them delirious and dehydrated. Thankfully, the worst of the symptoms were over by the end of the first week for three of the four turtles; alas Raphael headed into his second week little better than he had been the week before.

With Splinter aided by Michelangelo, Donatello, and Leonardo, the final turtle received the utmost of care, and although he was profusely ill for the better part of two weeks, finally come the start of the third, Raphael began to regain his colour. He also recovered his cantankerous attitude, which was much displayed when his family insisted on keeping him in bed that last week. Their coddling behaviour was understandable though, for the red-clad turtle had left his family more than a little nervous for his health.

Still, that did not mean Raphael had to be graceful about accepting his family's efforts to nurse him back to health. Understandably, by the end of the third week, they were all a little on edge and after one particularly aggravating evening, the family decided that come morning, Raphael would be left to his own devices and allowed to leave his room.

It would be that following morning when the change would become more than apparent. After being detained to bed rest for the last three weeks, Raphael was essentially ecstatic to awaken without someone bending over his face to determine if he had made it through another night. As he stood, he was also belatedly relieved that not only could he stand without sinking back down with a bout of dizziness, but he could walk and even go about his business in the washroom without the risk of passing out.

Upon finishing his necessary business, he sauntered into the kitchen with a grin on his face, which his brothers' returned even if theirs was due to the relief of no longer being forced to act as Raphael's twenty-four hour nursing squad. After digging around in the fridge and procuring orange juice, Raphael happily leaned against the counter thrilled to be handling the glass on his own and not having to rely on someone to hold it to his parched lips. With the cool sweet liquid in his gut, he rolled his neck before stretching out his arms, enjoying the creaks being worked out from what he presumed to be too much time stuck in bed. It wasn't until he noticed Leonardo's penetrating stare on him that he suddenly grew self-conscious, "What?!"

Up until this point, both Michelangelo and Donatello had been focused on their cereal trying to awaken their brains sufficiently before training commenced, but at Leonardo's pregnant pause, the two youngest turtles glanced up to see the eldest's brow furrowed and head slightly tilted. Michelangelo, sitting next to Leonardo, elbowed him gently, "Earth to Leo, you there bro?"

Finally Leonardo spoke, "I cannot be the only one who sees the difference."

"Huh?" Michelangelo and Donatello both turned in confusion to where Raphael stood, arms folded over his plastron obviously less than pleased at whatever the hell Leonardo was getting at. When the two youngest began to stare, Raphael snapped, "What is it?!"

"Dude…" Michelangelo's eyes were wide, "Just dude…"

"Agreed." Donatello continued to stare.

"What is with you guys?" Raphael bristled, "If you've got something to say, quit your gawking and spit it out!"

Calmly, Donatello stood. Retrieving a pen from the counter, he grabbed Raphael's hand and led him to the measurement wall, "Stand straight." There was no room for argument in the younger's tone and although still thoroughly confused, with his brother so close the pieces finally began clicking together. After several agonizing seconds, Donatello made a mark, "Look."

Raphael pulled away from the wall and found his eyes bugging out, "No way…" It couldn't be true. Yet there it was clear as mud. Raphael's newest tick sat nestled right on par with Michelangelo's at the five foot ten mark. One month. In one month Raphael had grown nearly five inches. That meant he was slightly taller than Donatello and had two inches on Leonardo, but most importantly, he was no longer the shortest! "This is amazing!"

Leonardo turned on Donatello, "How is that even possible? Is it possible?"

"It's not unheard of Leo," Donatello shrugged, "And obviously Raph is proof that it is possible."

"What Leo?" Raphael groused as he wrapped an arm over Leonardo's shoulders, "Not enjoying being at the bottom?"

"No!" Leonardo fumbled under Raphael's smirk, "I mean… No, I don't care about that! I care about how this happened and if you're normal."

"Uh Leo," Michelangelo tittered, "Hate to break it to you, but none of us are really what is considered "normal.""

"You know what I mean!" Leonardo huffed.

"Yeah I do." Raphael's smile only grew smugger, "It means I'm no longer the short stack on the team. _You are_."

Donatello and Michelangelo snickered at Leonardo's darkening cheeks, and the eldest let it slide in favour of diverting further teasing despite his worry. At Master Splinter's lack of concern – albeit he was decidedly amused by the situation – Leonardo dropped it altogether. Yet, as July melted into August, Raphael's body was clearly not done.

With the shortening days of summer's end, the turtles would see their brother surpass not just Michelangelo, but cross the six foot line. Come month's end, Raphael found himself nestled comfortably past the six foot two mark while his brothers all remained essentially unchanged. His siblings only seemed that much smaller when one considered the red-clad turtle's muscular physique, which had happily grown right along with the teen. It was around then when April and Casey finally returned from their summer adventures up north.

Of course the turtles had kept in touch with the two over the summer as much as they could, but any short conversations they had managed to have were contained to brief phone calls or emails. Raphael and April had managed the most contact, but Raphael hadn't mentioned the changes. At first he had wanted to surprise her, but as time went on and he began to gradually tower over his brothers, Raphael became a little wary of what his girlfriend would think when she finally saw him. In fact, as their return came closer and his nerves increased, he desperately sought a solution on how he could reintroduce himself to their human friends in such a way that they wouldn't be completely blindsided. That hope was demolished come one warm Friday night when the two teens unexpectedly arrived at the Lair.

Originally they were due back in town on the Saturday, but due to some mistaken overbookings and general airport anarchy, Casey and April, as well as a handful or their other classmates, had ended up ahead of the primary group and flown in a day early. Deciding to surprise their friends and not wanting to wait a second longer after a summer apart, the two opted to ditch their bags at home and head straight for the sewers.

It was still early evening and therefore with the sun still out, the turtles were guarantee to be awake but not yet out on patrol. Leonardo had contented himself with _Space Heroes_ while Michelangelo and Donatello went at it on the pinball machine. At the sound of the turnstiles, the three turtles jumped up to see their beloved friends, "April! Casey!"

"Hey guys!"

The five began hugging and high-fiving and it was with the noise that Raphael was drawn from the showers, which had been putting to good use after a serious workout with his weights. Busy retying his mask around his head, Raphael did not immediately realize who was in the Lair until his hands completed the final knot. It was at said point in time his hands froze with the red mask tails taunt in their grasp. Michelangelo unaware of his brother's discomfort loudly proclaimed, "Check it out, Raph! Casey and April are back!"

It was then as the two humans turned their attention to Raphael that said turtle's gut violently flipped at the obvious expressions of shock that took residence on their faces. Ever the master of tact, Casey immediately blurted, "Holy crap Raph! What have they been feeding you?"

Casey, like Donatello had always been tall. By the end of high school he had reached six feet and had finally begun to fill out. Considering the lead he had on the turtles, coming back to see his best friend – once over six inches shorter – now looking down at him understandably was startling. April was even more stunned though because her boyfriend now had nearly a foot on her. A drastic change indeed when they had been so close in height only a few months previous. It didn't help that along with the height, Raphael had bulked up even more and had probably put on a good hundred pounds as a result. Frankly, he was turning into a behemoth of a turtle.

Michelangelo jumped on Casey's remark, "The better question is "what hasn't he been eating?" Raph's appetite has been through the roof all summer!"

That left Raphael even more self-conscious for it was true. He now ate an embarrassing amount daily and consistently was the one who left the kitchen bare after he'd been through. In fact, it was due to his increased caloric intake that the mutant family had found themselves having to supplement their diet with worms and algae – something they had not done for years – simply to keep up with both the expense and the demand.

"Mikey!" Leonardo, sensing the growing unease, elbowed the youngest in the side, "Enough."

"But Leo…" Michelangelo began to whine before cowering into silence at the team leader's icy glare.

Meanwhile, April had taken several steps towards Raphael forcing him to meet her eyes. As soon as hesitant green met blue, the turtle muttered, "I was gonna tell you…"

But he was cut off when April launched herself at his chest. It was laughable how little an impact she made on collision, but the red-head simply wrapped her arms as far as they would go around his abdomen before sighing happily into his plastron, "God I missed you, Raph."

Overcome by her complete dismissal of his "upgrade" Raphael pulled her tightly into an embrace. With her warmth against him, he couldn't help but lift her up allowing her to wrap her arms around his thick neck while leaning her smooth forehead onto his scaled one. Sighing deeply – for even his voice had lowered a bit – Raphael breathed into her hair, "I missed you too, April."

 **A/N To my lovely reviewer:**

 **Setoangel01: Yay! I have to admit this is going to be a bit of an interesting fic and I'm a little nervous about it. You will be pleased to know though that I actually have the whole thing written (all 30,000 words of it XD). I had a crazy wave of inspiration over the weekend and wrote it all in a mad frenzy. I'm going to post a chapter a day until they're all up (mostly so I can make sure each is edited sufficiently XD). I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!**


	3. Chapter 3

Growing Pains

 **A/N Get ready, things are about to get a little crazy.**

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Chapter 3

More than relieved that besides the initial surprise at his height – she claimed if anything it gave her more to love and he could not argue with that – April was not in the least bit perturbed about her boyfriend's additional inches. At last, Raphael found he could once more relax and bask in the pleasure of soundly beating his brothers in this affair – at least for a little while. However, as summer soaked into fall, it was becoming more and more apparent that his growth spurt had not yet seen its full potential.

By the beginning of October, Raphael had long since surpassed the lower end of the six foot range and was well on his way to seven feet. Halloween would have the turtles see their second eldest member officially cross the seven foot barrier. Unsurprisingly, with his brothers still left below the six foot mark, Raphael found himself becoming more and more self-conscious of his ever-growing body.

It did not help that his musculature seamlessly followed suit causing him to gain the mass to match his length. In fact, it was becoming such a sore topic with him that he flat out refused any of his brothers to be present when he did his weekly weigh in. This was probably good because it meant they weren't present for the moment when Raphael's weight could no longer be registered by their scale. After that, Raphael ceased weighing himself altogether, but he knew as November progressed, he was still continuing to grow. His massive size would inevitably result in his bed's forced retirement.

It was a typical night for the turtles (well technically by this point it was the wee hours of the morning). They had just returned from a successful patrol and were more than ready to hit the sack before training resumed in a few hours. All was quiet in the Lair as Raphael eased himself into his tiny bed. Months ago his feet had been forced to hang over the edge of the mattress, but at that particular moment he did not care. All he wanted was to pass out as his body's exhaustion demanded. Almost at the brink of sleep, his bed abruptly decided otherwise. With a terrific clap of splintering wood, the frame gave way, leaving the horrified turtle sprawled on a lop-sided mattress in a ruin of debris.

Unsurprisingly, with a house full of ninja, the noise immediately drew his brothers from their own beds to his room. Upon opening the door to see Raphael in such a predicament, they tried to retain their laughter, but could not. This swiftly jolted the largest turtle from his mind frame of shock to rage. Instantly jumping to his feet, the mutant loomed menacingly over his siblings, "GET OUT!"

The sheer volume and tone behind that voice left his brothers scurrying for cover as Raphael slammed the door closed. The remainder of the night would see this turtle laying on his mattress on the ground – after pulling it away from the ruined frame and violently shoving said broken pieces aside – sleeplessly staring up at the ceiling. His insomnia was blithely fueled by his anxiety over when this growing nightmare would stop.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it did not.

December came and went and with it another six inches added themselves to Raphael's already impressive repertoire. By this point, quite a few outlets of the turtle's life were now being drastically affected by his size. Sparring one-on-one with his brothers had long ceased. He instead found himself only remotely challenged when all three simultaneously went at him. Even then, despite his growth, Raphael had maintained his light-feet, which hardly made him an easy target. His siblings' meanwhile could easily find themselves out of commission with one well-aimed blow from the larger.

Patrols were little better. Thanks to Michelangelo, he had acquired a nickname amongst the criminal underground of the city. One night after using Raphael as a spring board to plow into a Purple Dragon the youngest had nonchalantly cried, "Thanks Hulk!" and from that point on the moniker followed Raphael around like the plague. It did not matter that Raphael could easily dispatch any Foot Solider or Purple Dragon with one punch; he abhorred the term. Mind, with even his family occasionally using it – despite knowing his vicious feelings towards it – deep down the huge turtle knew it was true.

April, bless her soul, adamantly stayed by his side. Although Raphael thought him passing eight three and therefore officially becoming three feet taller than his petite girlfriend would be the tipping point, April refused to break up with him. Still, when he was around her he felt more and more gargantuan, which was only emphasized by the crick he got in his neck when he stood looking down at her for too long; never mind that getting through her bedroom window would literally soon be impossible no matter how flexible he was.

When spring appeared, Raphael was well used to ducking through doorways and had nearly begrudgingly accepted that he would probably now always dwarf his siblings. Nonetheless, at eight seven and counting, they all could not deny that the situation had long surpassed the stage of humorous to worrisome. Perhaps that was why things unfolded the way they did.

One morning, after confirming said current height the night previous, Raphael was feeling more than a little glum as he made his way to the kitchen. He had been awake for hours, but was still the last one to emerge. Unsurprisingly, he was hardly in the mood to have his family watch him inhale half the kitchen as had become his typical morning routine as he attempted to fuel his massive body. On top of that, discovering his trademark mask no longer fit had left him more than a little rattled. However, before he crossed the threshold, Raphael stopped in his tracks at Leonardo's words, "We have to do something, Sensei."

"I agree with Leo, Master Splinter. Raphael's height is becoming a serious issue."

"What? You mean the fact that Hulk is gradually growing into Raphzilla?" Michelangelo responded to Donatello's comment around a mouthful of cereal.

" _Michelangelo_ ," Raphael could not see the disapproving look Splinter gave his youngest for his insensitive words. He was having enough trouble keeping his breathing in check never mind being able to hear the admonishment present in his Sensei's tone, "I admit Raphael's _growth_ concerns me as well. How tall is he now, Donatello?"

"Eight feet and seven inches, Sensei." Donatello answered, "And based on his trend this past year, I wouldn't be surprised if he exceeded the nine foot mark by the end of summer."

Raphael's heart skipped a beat, _nine feet?!_ How could he possibly become _that big_?! Then another sickening thought struck him. What if even that was not the end?! What if he kept on growing and growing?! His family was already struggling to keep him fed as it was. If he literally outgrew the Lair he could hardly expect them to stick with him any longer.

Not wanting to listen to any further conversation, Raphael silently returned to his bedroom. He couldn't stay with them any longer. He was a liability to his family and frankly he was cramping their style. Quickly, he threw a small pack on what remained of his bed. In it he tossed a flashlight, some matches, a blanket, and a few other essentials. His now-too-small mask he tied around his bicep. His relatively tiny sai he shoved into his belt, which had undergone multiple expansions throughout the year. He didn't bother with his knee or elbow pads. There was no point, he would outgrow his current set in a few weeks anyway. Instead, he opted for several rolls of wrappings – mostly for his feet – before closing the bag and cautiously peering out into the hallway. The coast was clear and with one last look at his room, Raphael could not help but grab a few photographs from his wall before stealthily leaving the Lair.

He had been successful in leaving undetected. It would not be for a good hour, when training had started and Leonardo had sought to find his brother that the family would discover the truth. It was as the eldest went to pound on his brother's door, believing his sibling still asleep, that he realized the door was actually ajar. Upon seeing the obvious lack of Raphael and his T-phone abandoned on the mattress, a deep shiver of cold ran through his spine. Leonardo instantly knew then, without a doubt, his brother was gone.

Of course the family scoured the Lair and then the surrounding tunnels for their missing member. However, Raphael not only had a lead on them, but the long legs to easily remove him from their vicinity in little time. Besides, knowing the bleak future ahead of him, Raphael had decided to go deep below ground – to the sub sewers. No one went there anymore – for multiple reasons including the colony of vicious squirrelanoids that now resided within its depths. Raphael had no fear of the mutants. In fact, as days turned to weeks and continued into months, the rodent mutants became terrified of their new neighbour. For as predicted, Raphael continued to grow, and soon enough he reached a size which allowed him to feed on any game he chose – including the squirrel mutants.

The first few months had been the most difficult. Many nights he would spend sleepless yearning more than anything to go back to his family. He missed them terribly and he could not deny one of his largest regrets was that he had not given April a proper goodbye. He had simply left before they could convince him otherwise. They never found him and eventually as time passed, using his firm belief that they were better off without him, Raphael adjusted to life down below.

Those early days he had spent much of his time seeking and then constructing a proper shelter for himself. As he gathered blankets and materials and constructed a proper water filtration system (something he had learned from helping Donatello when they first moved into the Lair long ago) Raphael knew the space had become his home. He even built giant algae pools for when game was scarce and without his family around to make him self-conscious, Raphael ate as much as he pleased.

Perhaps it was the increase in the volume of his diet or his consumption of the mutagen that came with every squirrelanoid he devoured, but that first year saw the turtle's largest growth spurt yet. Along with his monstrous size, his eyes adapted to the dark. No longer did he need his flashlight or fire to see in his new realm. His sense of smell strengthened, his hearing expanded, and the sub sewers saw the birth of its most fearsome predator. Even his precious sai he hardly used anymore. For one, he had nothing to carry them with once his abdomen surpassed his belt once again, but he hardly needed them to hunt. He let his nails grow out into claws and they, along with his sheer bulk, were more than enough to do what he needed.

Raphael still could walk upright on two legs, but even in most of the larger tunnels it was cramped for him, especially as the year progressed. More and more often he carried himself on all fours – when he wasn't easily swimming through the vast river system his home region possessed.

Nonetheless, even as his body continued to change, Raphael kept his matches dry, his house clean, and he never ceased wearing his bandana. Although these days it had been forced onto his wrist for that soon became the only place it would fit. He refused to fall to the mindless bestial level of the mutants he hunted, and he ensured he never forgot where he had come from and who he once was. Every few months he would light one of his precious matches and build a fire. Only then would he allow himself to examine the photographs he had long ago burned into his memory. The picture of him and his three brothers, the picture of them all including April, Casey, and Master Splinter, and finally the one photo he had of just him and April. All were taken before this all started. Before he changed. Before he left.

And so the years passed and although the remaining turtles never really ceased searching for their missing brother, they slowly came to the gradual acceptance that they would likely never see Raphael again. However, although Casey and Master Splinter along with the turtles struggled with the loss, April's heart had been left with its own unique hole. Raphael had been her other half and without him, April felt she could never really be whole again. She did not let herself fall into her grief, but she never sought another relationship. She, like the others, tried to carry on her life as best as she could, but she never could shake the chronic restlessness that plagued her spirit since the day Raphael left.

Casey never did make the NHL, but he still was pleased with his decision to open a car garage. April meanwhile went on to become a journalist. She kept the reason for this decision close to her heart for she knew it to likely be a fool's errand. Yet, deep down April could not deny that she had chosen a career as an investigative reporter in hopes that somehow, _someway_ , she would one day find Raphael again. In the front lines of the newsroom, she figured if any clues surfaced, she would be the first to hear them.

Little did she know, that was exactly what would happen.

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 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **Setoangel01: Haha yeah I am totally a sucker for idea of the eldest being the shortest X'D As to Raph… Well yes then he was a slightly different yet equally attractive version of his 2k14 self. Now well… He's still good-looking just…** ** _A lot_** **bigger.**

 **BiteMeBro522: I feel you too. Of all my family, including my cousins I am the shortest. We measured a few Christmases ago and it became official. I was 23 then and I'm 25 now and so thus I am fated to be the short stack of the fam XD. Oh well… There are worse fates lol**

 **FeatherArtist: Yes! Ten points for Diporae! I always get a little whiff of pride when I manage to lure the Apriltello shippers to read my Raphril stuff, not gonna lie. So I'm psyched you're enjoying it so far :D**

 **Smpalopoli: Yay! I'm glad you are enjoying it so far! Thanks for you reading and reviewing!**


	4. Chapter 4

Growing Pains

 **A/N Since this one is so short, I decided to post it early so you can get a nice long chapter tomorrow and not feel gipped.**

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Chapter 4

For a long time, Raphael had been feeding off of the squirrelanoids. Well aware they were his main source of protein – aside from worms – he knew if he were to continue to thrive in his environment, their colony had to remain at reproductive numbers. So although he could hunt and devour them all easily, the monstrous turtle exercised restraint. Now, unlike Raphael, the squirrel mutants did in fact ascend to the sewers above in order to acquire their own prey and means of reproduction. Humans were always their targets and after years of grabbing any unfortunate person who traversed unaware into their territory, the NYC authorities had to eventually consider that something was indeed amiss when one prominent individual went missing.

It had been in an attempt to show his commitment to ensuring a major sewer renovation, if elected, that mayor candidate John Jackson met his tragic demise. Not only had the foolish rodent mutants been caught briefly on film as they snatched the poor soul away into the darkness, but they had done so right in front of several reporters' eyes, including one April O'Neil.

Unsurprisingly, a manhunt began for the politician, but despite a massive effort, the man's body was found a few days later. April alone knew by looking at the corpse that the squirrelanoids had used Jackson to reproduce before devouring much of his flesh. A most unpleasant sight to be sure, but what piqued April's interest was that if the terrifying mutants were still around and well, why had there not been further reports of their activities? Obviously, something or _someone_ was keeping their numbers in check and April had a hunch she knew who it was. After all, she did possess some of the Kraang's uncanny psychic abilities, and the more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed that the sub sewers would be the perfect place for a giant mutant turtle to conceal himself from the world.

All that was left to do was go down below and look for him.

Before his disappearance, April would have had no hesitation in asking one of the turtles to accompany her. Even now, they still considered her a close friend and her safety paramount. However, the family had taken the loss of their brother hard. If April approached them about going down into the sub sewers they would want a good reason, especially since the squirrelanoids were obviously still at large, but she could hardly tell them the truth when she herself was not one hundred percent convinced she was right. If she was wrong, and they found no Raphael, the brothers would be devastated all over again. April could not do that to them.

She had considered taking Casey, but the vigilante was known for being unable to keep his mouth shut. That night April would sigh in resignation as she came to the inevitable conclusion that she would have to go it alone. So, she packed her tessen, a flashlight, plenty of ninja stars and smoke bombs, her phone (for she was not so stupid to leave it behind), as well as several other essentials before heading to the nearest manhole cover come dawn. With a map Donatello had programmed into her phone years ago, she found her way to one of the hidden sub sewer entrances and plunged into its dark depths.

The first thing she noticed was how cold it was. She had thought given the balmy spring weather it would be warm in the sewers, clearly that was not the case, and she was grateful for choosing to wear her hoodie and jeans. Flashlight burning brightly, April carefully continued down the tunnel, trying to mentally note her surroundings. Donatello's map would not help her now. She was on her own if she ever hoped to find her way back out when the time came. Tessen remained in her grasp; she refused to be caught unaware by any squirrelanoid or anything else that could be lurking nearby.

Soon enough, the entrance to the primary sewers was gone and April knew she was indeed all alone in the vast labyrinth.

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 **A/N We are officially in the present now guys! Things are about to get way more interesting.**

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 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **FeatherArtist: It's true. Raph was having problems before the squirrelanoids. Adding extra mutagen into the mix wasn't probably the best of ideas XD Thanks for reviewing! :D**

 **SetoAngel01: I know! The feels definitely abound, and there will be more (which is both a good and a bad thing I suppose). This is why this thing has literally possessed me so much. The feels drew me in and got me super invested in it before I even knew what was happening lol. I'm glad you're enjoying this insane tale so far! Thanks for reviewing love :D**


	5. Chapter 5

Growing Pains

Chapter 5

He had been preparing to go out and hunt when he became intensely aware something was _off_. This was his realm after all. He had called the vast tunnel monolith his home for nearly seven years now and with it he rightfully knew almost instantly if something changed. _Nothing_ happened down here without his knowledge. Usually it was just the stupid squirrelanoids messing around, but this was distinctly different than their foolish activities. Still, he couldn't smell or hear anything amiss. It was only a hunch.

Shaking his head, he eased himself into the water of the pool not far from his home before smoothly paddling into one of the large canal systems. Squirrelanoids may not swim, but they often were stupid enough to gather in areas near deep cisterns of water. One quick movement, and Raphael could easily snap one up into his jaws. He was large enough now that it was no problem swallowing one of the mutants whole; he was long beyond cooking his meat.

In little time, he had reached just such a spot with three of the rodents chittering away near the edge. They were definitely excited about something, but Raphael could care less at the moment. Their distraction made them all the easier to grab. Without notice, he suddenly rocketed his massive form out of the water towards his prey. Inwardly he cheered as his teeth sunk into one. Allowing the remaining two to skitter off in opposite directions, Raphael crunched his prize briefly before swallowing. Sighing in satisfaction, he was about to dive back into the waters and head for home to nap and digest when a loud squirrelanoid screech came from the tunnel to his right.

Tilting his head at the sound the mutants only made when they themselves were about to feast, Raphael debated following it. Normally he only ate one squirrelanoid a day. Sometimes if he was really hungry he'd go for more, but again he was trying to keep their numbers up and therefore the reason for his restraint. A new cry came just as he inhaled a new scent – a _very familiar_ scent.

Green eyes widened in horror, before he immediately plunged back into the water. Propelling himself at an incredible speed down the tunnel, he stopped when a beam of light flickered down through the water. Carefully, his eyes broke the murky surface to see a flashlight on the ground several feet behind the woman who had her sharp tessen poised in the squirrelanoid's direction. The thing screamed again, and inwardly Raphael cringed knowing the noise would surely summon more. Even if she did take the one in front of her out, she would be no match for the swarm that was on its way. Evidently, today was a twofer kind of day.

When her foot hit the flashlight, sending its beam away from the foe in front of her, Raphael took his opportunity. Launching himself out of the water, his mouth engulfed the beast. It was literally right as he swallowed the thing that a dozen more came ripping around the bend. Half way out of the water, he had been alarming in size. When he pulled all the way up soundly positioning himself between the hungry pack and her, the squirrelanoids froze. Even with him on all four legs and they on two, the creatures still couldn't touch his plastron. Baring his teeth, Raphael growled and instantly the squirrelanoids were gone with their tails between their legs.

Taking the time to watch them leave, he schooled his breathing hoping to slow his heart whose pounding in his chest had nothing to do with the recently departed mutants. Slowly, he turned around to see April O'Neil, tessen still in hand, inching towards her flashlight. It was pitch dark in the sub sewers and although he could see her clearly, she could hardly see him. All she could make out was a large looming figure mere feet from her.

Maybe that's why it was appropriate, when she finally reached down and grabbed the light that the first thing its beam would land on was his monstrous wrist. Mesmerized momentarily by the worn red fabric, her wide blue eyes would depart only to search vainly in the darkness for green eyes far above, "R-Raphael?"

Licking his lips quickly, hoping no squirrelanoid blood remained in plain sight, he eventually forced his long unused voice into action, "Yeah, it's me." As her mouth moved wordlessly, obviously trying to comprehend the gigantic turtle in front of her, he exhaled quietly, "April..."

At her name she sheathed her tessen and taking several steps forward at last lifted the beam up to aid her weak eyes… Up and up it went before she realized that his face was looking down from directly above her, "Oh… Oh wow…"

She had been expecting Raphael to be large, yes, but this… There was no way she could have prepared for this. The turtle before her utterly dwarfed her. She barely stood level to his elbow. Not only that, but his rescuing of her had involved him literally consuming a squirrelanoid, _whole_. As they both looked at each other in awkward silence, it was almost a relief when Raphael noticed her dripping, "You're wet."

Suddenly aware of how cold she was, April rubbed her arms, "Well when you came out of the water you kind of brought a wave of it with you."

Realizing it was his fault her lips were beginning to turn blue he cursed, "Shit April, I'm sorry." Before bringing his head down closer to her level, "We need to get you warmed up."

April turned to dig in her backpack, "I have a change of clothes in here somewhere…"

"They won't do you much good when your hair's wet like that." After he easily stepped over her he called back, "Come on."

Giving up on her search, April ran to catch up with him, "Where are we going?"

Noticing her half-jogging to keep with his stride, which hadn't even been that fast, Raphael slowed down, "My place."

"Your place?" She frowned as she was forced to converse with the giant mutant from behind.

"I haven't spent the last seven years homeless, April." Raphael's deep voice easily carried back to her, "It's not the Lair, but it works."

"Wait…" April stopped, "So you've been down here _this whole time_? What about those monsters?!"

Hearing the ceasing of her footfalls, Raphael sighed as he turned around to face her, "Coming here seemed like the best option at the time. Besides, maybe before this all started those squirrel freaks would have posed a problem, and I admit early on they were a bit of a handful, but once I broke fifteen feet? They hardly were a threat, and now," He gestured to himself, "They're all just a bunch of small fry."

"I can see that…" April took several hesitant steps closer, "You really eat them?"

"All the time. Usually about one a day although today I'm up to two." Raphael shrugged, "At first I was worried ingesting the extra mutagen was a bad idea, but when I left I was almost nine feet. I was already a lost cause."

"You were never a lost cause!" April retorted, "Do you have any idea how much we've missed you? Worried about you, not knowing if you were dead or alive?!"

Seeing her blue eyes water in the dim light, his chest clenched. It still didn't change the fact though that with each passing minute she was that much closer to hypothermia. Shaking his head, he reached his hand down to her, "Look you can ream me out later, but right now we need to get you out of here."

Undoubtedly irked by his change of topic, the red-head folded her arms stubbornly and stood rooted to the spot, "I can walk there myself thank you very much."

"I have no doubt you could." He sighed, "Humour me okay?"

She lifted an eyebrow, "Why should I?"

If she had not just chosen to shiver, Raphael maybe would have let it drop, but after her body's betrayal he lost his patience, "Fine. The hard way it is." Without hesitation, he scooped her up.

As he lifted her she shrilled, "Put me down, Raph!"

"I plan to." He then plopped her down onto the edge of his carapace near his neck, "Hold on. I don't want you falling and cracking your head open on the concrete."

"What the hell, Raph?! You and I both know this isn't what I meant!"

Knowing full well she had no easy way of getting down, especially as he began to move, he let her comments roll over him, "You don't say?" Still, he was careful to keep his steps as steady as possible, "Would you rather I leave you here to freeze or maybe try your luck with the 'noids?"

"No!" As she huffed in defeat he could feel her tighten her grasp on the edge of his shell. Whether it was more from the mentioned squirrel-ridden prospect of doom or nerves at being forced to do his will, he couldn't say. Eventually, several minutes later, she mumbled out, "I don't want to risk losing you again."

His breath hitched, but no words followed. There was nothing he could say to undo what was done or guarantee that he wouldn't do it again once he returned her to the surface. Instead he remained silent as they continued into what was his primary territory. Shortly after passing the threshold, they found themselves once more in the presence of the rodent mutants. Halting mere meters from them, he heard April whisper anxiously, "There are more of them?!"

"There are tons down here," He muttered back, "But they know better than to cross over into my turf like this." He glanced up at her from the corner of his eye, "I bet they're following us because of your scent."

As the mutants opened their mouths to let out a communal screech, Raphael knew for sure that April's tightening grip was because of them. She wasn't the only one unimpressed. Bristling he continued, "And apparently they're pissed that I haven't eaten you yet."

"You're going to what?!" April cried as she abruptly sat up.

Green eyes instantly sought hers out, "Obviously I'm not going to, stupid!" He turned back to the mutants as they released another howl, "But if I don't deal with these idiots they'll think it's okay to just waltz in here unannounced."

"Wait!" April was clutching at his shell again, "What do you mean _deal with them_?"

"I told you I only eat one a day." She could feel the tension building in his body, "I do that so they can keep their numbers up; not because I don't want to."

"Hold on-" But her words fell on deaf ears for at that instant, Raphael let out a monstrous roar and charged at the trespassers. Earlier he had let all but one escape; now he would not exercise such restraint. It did not matter if he brought a human home. The squirrelanoids had to be sent a message: anyone who dared to enter his territory would be devoured.

Meanwhile, from atop of Raphael's carapace, April held on for dear life as she watched utterly stupefied that despite his incredible size, Raphael was still as fast and light on his feet as ever. Even after all these years he retained his training and had no problem dispatching the pack of rodents. However, that was not what she found disturbing. What left her stomach reeling was how after he was sure none of the squirrelanoids were about to get up, Raphael began to devour each and every one. All four of them he consumed without difficulty and soon enough he was wiping his mouth with his hand before remarking casually, "Alright, let's go."

Stunned by what she had just witnessed, all April could do was gape like a fish. At her silence, Raphael turned his head to her, "You okay?"

"Uh um…"

Her hands were now violently shaking and Raphael pressed further, "April…?

When her face blanched, the turtle did not miss a beat. As her eyes rolled up, Raphael stretched to catch her. With her prone form laying still in his hands, he frowned down at her before murmuring quietly, "See? I am a lost cause."

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **FeatherArtist: Well yes… It is a bit of a plot hole, but the squirrelanoids were a major deterrent in them at least considering the sub sewers as a possibility. After all, when Raphael left he wasn't that unbelievably large yet. How were they to know their brother would end up hunting them? So understandably, the sub sewers were dismissed as one of the possible locations he could be.**

 **Setoangel01: Yeah… John Jackson's fate was a wee bit unsavoury lol. Mind, with a generic name like that you knew he wasn't gonna make it X'D On that note, this chapter is the last one that gets a little more… Gorey. I really tried to kept it to a bare minimum though!**


	6. Chapter 6

Growing Pains

Chapter 6

Catching sight of a nearby pool, knowing they would have to go under at some point to reach his den, Raphael cradled April one-handed against his chest right where plastron met skin. Once he was convinced she was secure, he dove in. Almost instantly he was aware of her awakening and her struggling against his fingers, but he held firm. Cutting through a tunnel, he lately was finding narrower than he would have liked to admit, he rapidly propelled himself with the current. Just over a minute later, he surfaced and carefully unrolled his fingers to hear April's gasping.

They had arrived in a huge cavern which was an entire naturally formed subterranean marvel. The first large space was an entryway to numerous tunnels and smaller caves, but it was here that the ceiling arched high enough that Raphael could freely stand at his full height. It was often in this area where he practiced his ninjutsu – another remainder of his old life he refused to part with.

Still embracing her gently against his chest, Raphael strode into one of the middle tunnels. Here, the walls were littered with glowing fungi and so even though the sub sewers were mainly a maze of never-ending darkness, Raphael's home was always alit with a constant soft glow. Many of the chambers of his den were also an ideal spot for glow worms. He had to ensure he moved them away from the center ceiling to avoid getting droppings on himself, but their feces on the edges he had no qualms cleaning up in exchange for their bluish light.

In another chamber he had sectioned away a pseudo kitchen. There he had several massive pools devoted to algae. The species he had chosen also was equipped with bioluminescence, and they left the space constantly awash in a green glow. His own bed chamber and fire pit were attached to said room and here more mushrooms grew so where green light faded, blue light returned. It had taken a painstaking amount of time, but Raphael had managed to construct a stone chimney above where the fire burned in the center of the room, it fed the smoke back out through a series of tunnels to eventually feed up into the sewers and finally the city far above. That project had taken the better part of a year to complete, but it was well worth it. Especially on nights like tonight.

After placing a still somewhat breathless April on the edge of his bed, which was essentially a collection of blankets and pillows he had dared to steal away very early on, he went about dumping a bundle of logs into the pit before crumpling up bits of the flammable dried glow worm manure onto the wood. With a carefully placed match, he had the fire going with little difficulty. It was then from the corner of his eye that he saw April pull herself up from his nest before wandering slowly away from the low-ceiled nook towards him. When she was still several feet away he managed to find his voice, "You should change out of those wet clothes. Then we can hang them over here so they have a chance to dry."

Pulling her backpack off, April glanced up at him, "Don't peek."

Smirking he turned away, "Wouldn't dream of it." Before going to pull a tiny tin pot from a crevice near the algae pools. He pretty much just dunked his head into the glowing basins whenever he wanted to eat, but every once and a while hot water was useful and so that was why he kept said dinky cooking utensil around. After sinking it into the sink where his filtered water ran out, April called, "Alright, I'm good."

Turning around, he placed the pot onto the coals and without a second glance at her tiny form, he continued past her to the bed. Digging up the nicest one he had – a soft red fleece thing that was composed of several others like it which he had sewn together in an attempt to cover his massive girth, he carried it over before plopping it over her head. He then planted himself by the fire opposite so he could watch amused as she dislodged herself from it, "Geez, what is this thing? A tent?"

"Close." He allowed himself the smallest of smirks while he jabbed a stick at the coals, "Try a dozen blankets stitched together."

"It's nice." Wrapping herself securely in it she inhaled and a soft smile touched her lips, "It smells like you."

"I imagine it would." Raphael ignored the heat in his cheeks, "I sleep under it every night."

As though suddenly aware of her surroundings, April peered curiously around, "This is where you live?"

"Yep." He shrugged his massive shoulders, "I know it's no Lair, but I don't mind it."

Admiring the glowing creatures scattered throughout as well as his handiwork she remarked, "It's beautiful, Raph."

"Don't know if I would call it beautiful." His face continued to burn but he could not deny he was pleased with her praise, "But I like it."

"How'd you find it?"

He finished probing at the fire before sitting up, "It took a bit of doing. For several months I was constantly doing everything I could to stay one step ahead of those buck-toothed jerks. I could take a few of them on sure, but swarms of them constantly? Not so much. It wasn't until I discovered that they couldn't swim that I decided to try my luck exploring below the surface.

"You see there's no way to access this place without going through water, and more importantly, the _underwater_ tunnels first. So that's how I found my escape from the squirrelanoids. It gave me a chance to rest and well," He gestured to himself, "Grow. Like I said, after a certain point it didn't matter how many of them came at me, they just couldn't take me down."

He laughed awkwardly then as he rubbed the back of his head, "And I might have gone a little overboard on the squirrel buffet once I realized I was big enough to not fear them anymore. Kind decimated their numbers. I'm still trying to let their population recover, but after today?" He shook his head, "I'm going to be on worms and algae for a month."

April pulled her knees up to her chest, "Keeping their numbers down is probably for the better, Raph."

"Yeah?" He quirked an eye ridge at her, "How do you figure that?"

"Last week a squirrelanoid took out one of mayoral candidates when he was in the sewers talking about all the renovations he wanted to do if elected."

"Shit…" He frowned, "You serious?"

"'Fraid so." She continued, "It was caught on film and everything. Just two days ago they found his body. Then when I got thinking about how the squirrelanoids had somehow managed to avoid detection I realized that _someone_ had to be keeping them in check."

"And that's how you found me." Raphael finished for her, "Great. Now I gotta be on the lookout for nosy reporters roaming down here."

"Hey! We're not all bad!" April retorted.

"Hold on," He leaned forward, "You're a reporter?!"

"You bet I am! I've been working for Channel 6 News since graduation four years ago. I was even one of the interviewers for John Jackson – well before the squirrelanoids got to him."

"Wow." He shook his head, "I'm impressed, April."

"Thanks," Now it was her turn to blush, "Casey keeps teasing me saying I'm just doing it so I can have an excuse to snoop, but there's a lot more to it than that."

"Jones always was an idiot. What's that bonehead up to anyway?"

"Casey? He never did make the cut for the NHL, but he's still doing okay. He ended up taking an apprenticeship and now owns his own mechanic's shop. Donatello even helps him out when the caseload's on the heavy side."

"Donnie?" Raphael tilted his head, "Willingly working with Casey? Never thought I'd see the day."

"Yeah, me too." April smiled, "But the last few years they've both really grown up."

As the water came to boil, protected by his thick scales, Raphael moved it out of the coals to place it beside her, "Might want to let it cool for a bit. I'd give you something to put in it, but I got nothing. Still when you're chilled hot water is better than cold water right?"

"Yes it is," April began digging around in her knapsack again, "Still I'm pretty sure I may have a tea bag or two kicking around here somewhere…" She pulled out her own tiny little pot and a cup before announcing, "Ah ha! I knew it. Chai tea to the rescue!" Plopping the bag into the steamy water she looked up, "You want some?"

"Nah." He waved her off, "Tea was always Leo's thing." He studied the flames for a moment before daring to ask, "How is he anyway?"

April remained quiet for a minute, carefully studying his features before continuing, "He took your disappearance pretty hard, Raph. We all did. Leo though… I think for a long time he felt responsible for it. That he hadn't done enough to support you when you really needed it and in the end that's what forced you to leave."

Raphael sighed, "It had nothing to do with Leo. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't anybody's fault except for my stupid body." His fists clenched causing his claws to dig into the flesh.

Spying the small droplets of blood blooming from his palms, April stood up and hurried to his side. Even with him sitting cross-legged, she hardly could reach far enough to touch his hands, but she still did not hesitate to place her fingers on his knee, "Raphael don't."

At her touch, he uncurled his digits. After a moment he lowered a hand so she could clearly see his claws, "Look April. Don't you see? I'm huge, I have claws, and I slaughter mutant squirrels for breakfast. I had to leave. You guys are better off without me."

"No we're not!" April surprised him by hugging his index finger, "After you left it was like a part of us left too. Mikey still doesn't sleep through the night!"

"What?!" Raphael's voice shook at the mention of his baby brother's distress.

"He basically became an insomniac, Raph." April ran a hand over his scales, "It took him years to even get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep a night."

Shaking his head Raphael moaned, "But what was I supposed to do?! Look at me! I would never be able to fit in the Lair now!"

"Master Splinter told me once that he didn't care if you moved back or not. All he wanted was to be able to see you again and know that you were doing okay."

"If by doing okay you mean growing to the size of a blue whale than I'm just peachy!" Raphael snapped as he pulled his hand from her grasp. Rising to his feet he looked down at where he left her standing, "Of course I'm not doing okay! I'm getting by and surviving because that's all I have left!"

"Raphael…" April tried but he ignored her. Instead he went to the bed and grabbed a few more blankets before bundling them up in his arms. Striding past her he jerked his thumb at the nest, "You take the bed. I'll sleep in the entrance cave."

"Please Raph…" She ran up to where he stood and tried grabbing at his calf, "Please stop."

"Don't April." He danced out of her reach, "Just don't." Spinning around he continued, "I'm going to bed. In the morning I'll take you back."

Then he was gone and April was left alone in his massive chamber. No longer interested in her tea, the red-head abandoned the pot. Dragging the tent of a red blanket with her, she fell into Raphael's bed where she finally allowed her tears to fall well into the night. Nearby, laying on the uncomfortable ground, Raphael smelt her salty tears and found his own eyes stinging as he stared restlessly up at the glow worms above.

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: It's true… I am a bit of a shortie although I am a wee bit taller than you at 5'2". Oh well it does have its advantages sometimes. For instance in the basement of the facility where I work there are a lot of low hanging pipes and unlike my coworkers, I never have to worry about nailing my head on them. Haha it's the little things right? Also, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! It's always exciting to see a new face on here :D**

 **Flamentus: I know me too… I'm such a jerk for torturing him so much XD Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing!**

 **FeatherArtist: Ahhh! You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear that you love the concept too! I've been worrying because it's such a far-out idea that it wouldn't be well-received but I can't help it – I love writing Raph in such a state! Thank-you for telling me!**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha yes they do indeed. Much words they need to exchange yet. Raph just needs to let April in... He's been alone for so long though that April's got her work cut out for her. Thanks for reviewing so faithfully hun! You are the best! 3**


	7. Chapter 7

Growing Pains

Chapter 7

At some point he must have sunk into sleep, for suddenly he jerked awake at the sound of her cries. For a few seconds he had to stop and process why after so long he was being woken up by April's voice. Then with a rush of memory from the day before, he jumped up and ripped into his bed chamber. There, dwarfed in his massive bed was April, shivering terribly, not from cold but fear. Immediately he was drawn to her side, "April?"

Raphael knelt beside her to discover she was still asleep, but at the sound of his voice, her eyes shot open before he found her launching hysterically for his face. Automatically he pulled away so he was far above eyelevel with the pallet, but that did not stop her from latching onto his knee and effectively bawling. For several moments he had no idea what to do – still barely awake himself – but eventually he gathered enough of his wits to realize she must have just violently awoken from a nightmare. As gently as he could he placed a hand over her back before lowering himself again to murmur, "Shh April, it's okay. You're fine. It was just a dream."

Still she cried on and desperate to relieve some of her distress, Raphael carefully scooped her up and brought her up near his cheek. With his face so close he consoled, "See? I'm right here. You don't have to be scared. Nothing's gonna hurt ya."

Finally, April managed to take several deep breaths in between cries and eventually calmed down enough to lean her forehead against his cool scales. For several minutes they remained still like this; him feeling her warmth through his skin and her listening to his calm breathing. Only when he felt her body still, did Raphael dare to pull her away, but only so far so that he could clearly look at her. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her cheeks were tear-stained but she thankfully looked none the worse for wear. Gifting her with a grin he had not used in a very long time, his enormous emerald eyes crinkled at her, "There, see? Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine."

Rubbing her nose trying vainly to prevent him from seeing her snot she muttered, "Sorry."

"Don't be." He rose briefly to grab a washcloth from the basin he used as a sink. Although the cloth was huge, it still could do the job. Holding out the corner for her he directed, "Blow."

Blushing furiously, April did as she was told several times before falling back onto her butt on his palm, "God you must be so grossed out right now."

Sitting down onto the bed he laughed, "Hardly. I grew up with three brothers remember? One of which was Mikey."

"True." April smiled back.

Well aware it was still the middle of the night, he gently placed her back down onto the bed, "All good?"

But even before he could lift his hand away, she had wrapped herself around his finger, "Wait Raph!"

"What?" He frowned down at her confused before stifling his own yawn. He was really feeling those squirrelanoids, "Look you don't have to sleep April, but I need to get some shut eye."

"Can't you sleep here?"

Looking down at her tiny form he smirked, "What here? With you? Don't be stupid, April. I'd squish you."

"No you won't!" She continued to hold his index in an ironclad grip.

"Seriously April," He returned flatly, "I don't even want to think about how much more I weigh than you."

"Then hold me like you did in the water. Just under your plastron where your skin meets shell. If you roll over, which I doubt you will, your shell will protect me."

Studying her carefully he lifted an eye ridge, "You sure?"

"Yes." Her eyes closed as she murmured, "Please don't leave me again."

Exhaling in defeat, Raphael lifted himself and her. As he adjusted the pillows to make a trough that would help him stay on the back of his massive shell he grouched, "It's your grave. If you end up as a pancake it's not my fault."

"Duly noted."

Finally, laying down he let out a sigh of relief to be off his feet again. Only then did he place April where she had specified between shell and scale before he carefully lowered his hand to help give her the added bit of security. Allowing himself to relax he muttered, "Comfy?"

"Yes."

"Liar." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling, but he could not deny a tiny part of him felt comforted knowing she was now laying atop of his heart.

"Hmm." As though reading his thoughts she whispered, "I can feel your heart beating here."

"Glad to know I still have one." He retorted trying to disguise his blush.

"Of course you do." He could feel April's hair tickle his scales as she laid her face down onto his chest, "You have the biggest heart of anyone I know."

"That's literally not hard to do at this point given my size."

Then she pulled herself up and he could see the crisp blue of her eyes pierce through the darkness to meet his own, "No it's not. If anything it's even more impressive."

Raphael was shocked into silence when April's lips lowered, kissing the skin where she lay. He felt his heart skip a beat. Seeing the smile she bore as she laid down and closed her eyes, he knew she had felt it too.

* * *

 **A/N There, what better way to start off one's weekend than with some Raphril fluff?**

* * *

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Haha well I'm not about to give anything away, but the pituitary gland is a good guess! At the level of the anterior pituitary or the hypothalamus, hypersecretion of growth hormone or growth hormone-releasing hormone respectively could indeed cause giantism before the end of adolescence when the growth plates in the long bones seal. Add in a bit of mutagen and the creative license that comes with fanfiction and it could def be a plausible explanation. Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Unknown: Oh my goodness thank-you so much! Please don't apologize for being late with your review, you simply taking the time to share such words with me is more than enough! What you said was so very touching and is exactly what I have been feeling a lot of lately in the fandom. To me one of the integral concepts of TMNT is the fact that they are mutants are will always been forced to the fringes of society. Discrimination against those who are different and what acceptance really means… Both I think are at the heart of the turtles' existence. So it's so good to see someone else who shares my interest in these ideas! Again, thank-you so much for reading and reviewing!**

 **FeatherArtist: Maybe so… But it still would have been very difficult for them and Raphael was well aware of that. He cares so much for his family that even if it meant hurting them, if he believed it would hurt them less in the long run than the alternative he would not fail to act on it. So it's less about him sucking it up and more about him being convinced that they are indeed better off without him. Even if that is false, him coming to a place where he realizes that may not be the case is no easy mental hurdle to make. Such a dramatic shift in such a long held perspective… Few people can ever make such a jump without some serious external forces influencing them, and Raphael is no exception. Thank-you so much for faithfully reading and reviewing!**

 **Raigon: Haha nope. It is definitely nowhere near the end XD Raph's got his work cut out for him. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far :D**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha me too! Raphril forever! It's true though, they are all going through their own unique struggles which makes it all the more difficult for them to come to a resolution (thus why we're not even halfway yet ;) lol). We still have more than a few feels trains to deal with yet that's for sure. Thanks for being so awesome and loyally reviewing! Also props to always being the first to get a review up there! ;P**


	8. Chapter 8

Growing Pains

Chapter 8

When morning arrived, Raphael could not deny part of him was astounded by how well he had slept. That part of him was dwarfed however by the relief he felt upon awakening to realize that not only had he not crushed April in his sleep but she was still clearly out cold on his chest. Moving his finger slightly, he was able to peer at her slumbering form. Her red hair was messily sprawling in all directions and a little pool of both adorable and gross drool had formed at the corner of her mouth. Mind, she had had to stomach the sight of his bloody dinner, so who was he to complain?

Sighing peacefully into the warmth of his bed, Raphael silently wished this moment could last forever. Him and April, just like they had once been. If he closed his eyes he could almost believe that nothing had changed at all.

Almost.

Her stirring on that sole tiny patch of skin instantly brought him back to reality. Opening his eyes once more he was met by her sleepy blue. Upon realization of her personal drool pool, April tried to hide the evidence as stealthy as she could. This only resulted in him chuckling at her efforts. Feeling the vibration of his chest, she bashfully looked back up to see him smirking, "Hey there, sunshine. I see you've found your morning dew."

Blushing violently, April buried her face into his scales, "Oh God… I'm so sorry!"

"Why, because I've gotten to witness both your snot and drool first hand in one day?" He quipped back.

She made unintelligent moans of dismay causing him to laugh harder, "It's not so bad, O'Neil."

"Says the guy teasing me." Her voice was muffled by his skin.

"Hey, it's only fair. I had my beauty sleep disturbed because of you." As softly as he could he poked her back lightly, "Come on, stop hiding."

"Quit it Raph!" After slapping his finger off, her blue eyes turned up to stare at him, "I didn't mean to wake you."

Feeling the tension building in the air, his tone lost all prior mischievousness, "Don't worry about it. My hearing's way better than it used to be. Pretty much anything these days can wake me."

He didn't tell her how until sleeping with her last night it had been months since he'd had a proper sleep. Hell, he hadn't really truly had a good night's rest since before he left the Lair so long ago. Yes, he slept, but never as deeply as he did last night. As though reading his thoughts, she pulled herself up to seating position, "Bad dreams too, huh?"

"More or less." He answered.

At their silence, he opted to remedy the awkwardness as best he could by pulling himself up. Holding her against his chest with his hand, he rose from the bed. Then he carefully lowered his palm to the ground allowing her to hop off. Striding over to one of the algae pools he spoke as he gave it a stir with one of his mighty arms, "Sorry, I'd offer you something else, but all I've got is algae."

Crinkling her nose at the glowing green concoction, she pulled out her bag again, "Yeah I'll pass, thanks. Besides I did come somewhat prepared."

Catching sight of the sealed plastic bag she extracted from the inside – he had wondered how the knapsack's contents had remained dry despite their swim – he shrugged before lowering his head to begin sucking down giant gulps of algae. He never did love the taste of the stuff, but it gave him the nutrition he needed. Besides, he could hardly just up and order a pizza down here. Lifting up his head for a break, algae slop dripping down his chin, he spied her stirring her own little pot's contents beside his own. Evidently she was in the process of reheating the tea she had abandoned last night. It was as he wiped his mouth that his nostrils immediately flared upon catching scent of whatever it was she was cooking. In an instant, he was hovering above her, with his face practically brushing her hair trying to get a better whiff of the stuff, "What are you making?"

"Pizza noodle soup." April laughed as she tried to push his muzzle away, "Yesh, you're like a giant dog."

Not moving an inch despite her attempts, he sniffed loudly again, "Smells good." Another sniff, "Really good."

"What happened to algae?" The red-head pointed at the abandoned pool.

Abruptly regaining himself, Raphael jerked up and out of her space, "Sorry." He then retreated to said pool while muttering, "Just it's been a long time since I've smelt pizza… Or… Mikey's cooking."

"I couldn't tell." April gave a knowing smile, "Tell you what, you let me eat what I can and you can have what's left."

Before dipping his mouth back into the algae he frowned, "Don't bother. It won't even be a mouthful. 'Sides I'm not eating your food."

Pouring the heated soup into her cup, April stood and carried the pot over. His green eyes shifted to the side to acknowledge her while he drank, "A taste is a taste though, right?"

After a long moment, he lifted his mouth, and after wiping the remnant algae off he considered her offer, "You sure?" He nodded over to the cup, "That's all you want?"

"I got some bread in there too." At his solemn look she pressed, "Don't worry, I'll be good. Besides now that I'm on the News I gotta keep my figure right?" She gestured at her lean form, "I don't want to get fat."

"There's nothing fat about you." He returned flatly.

"Well then," She lifted the pot up, "Let's keep it that way."

Shaking his head, he finally plucked the small stainless steel pot from her grasp. Examining it a moment – and admittedly enjoying another good sniff of its heavenly aroma – he sought her approval once more, and at her nod he tilted the contents into his mouth. It was hardly a drop on his tongue, but God it tasted so good. He had forgotten how good real food was. Squirrelanoids and algae had nothing on pizza-flavoured anything. Closing his eyes trying to eke out every sensation from this precious gift, he sighed before finally swallowing what little there was. Opening his eyes, he was met with April beaming up at him while sipping from her own mug, "Glad I made the right choice in bringing those leftovers with me."

Starting to realize just how much thought she had put into what she would do upon meeting him again, Raphael stretched out so that he could lay on his stomach and place his chin on his hands. At eye level he spoke, "You're an angel and a half, April."

Blushing furiously, April ran her hand through her hair while trying to avoid his penetrating gaze, "It was no big deal. I just pulled a container out of the fridge…"

"Don't give me that." He countered, "You and I both know it was no in the moment decision."

Gulping down the last of her mug's contents, she bought herself a little time, "Maybe not…"

Lifting himself slightly, he pulled out his right arm so that he could place his index finger on the side of her face, as gently as he could he turned her head to face him, "April."

It was his turn to blush when she lifted her hands to cradle his phalange. After pressing her cheek to the pad for a moment, she briefly pulled away to kiss it. Feeling heat ricochet from that tiny pinprick, he was left speechless when she spoke, "I missed you. I missed you so much, Raphael."

His voice cracked, "April…"

Standing, she slowly walked over to his face. Not daring to breathe, for fear of blowing her over or simply releasing his own wave of emotion, his emerald eyes followed her. When she was so close he could feel the heat coming off her tiny body, she lifted her hands and placed them softly onto each of his cheek bones. Her touch was so light it was as though moths had nestled onto his face. Only then did she move herself closer, allowing her forehead to press against the bridge of his nose, between his eyes. When her eyes closed so did his, and there they stayed in each other's presence for several minutes, simply being.

When he thought his heart would literally burst from all he was feeling, she whispered, "You're not a lost cause, Raphael."

His eyes opened to see hers staring seriously into his own, "You heard that?"

"Yesterday, I thought I dreamt it." She replied, "But when I woke up this morning, I realized it wasn't a dream."

"Dream or not," Raphael's eyes lowered in shame, "How can you think I'm anything but?"

"Because," Her hand stroked one of his cheeks, "Even though you look different, you're still the same Raphael I've always loved."

Long ago they had indeed been well aware of the depth of their feelings towards each other and had not failed to express them. They had meant the world to each other, and yet that in itself was another reason why Raphael had chosen to leave. Asking her to remain in a relationship with a mutant turtle had been hard enough, but how could he possibly ask for more as a _giant_ mutant turtle? What kind of life would that be for her? Raphael simply couldn't do it. He refused to ask that of her and so even though it broke both their hearts, he had left. What he hadn't expected was that after so long, he could not deny he still loved her as much as he had from the beginning.

That was why it was all that much harder for him to pull away now, "April," He lifted himself back up so that once more, even in a seated position he towered over her, "Don't make this any harder than it already is."

Folding her arms across her chest in hurt she whispered, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Unable to be so close to her, he rose. Far above her, he pinched the skin between his eyes, "Once I take you back up that's it. So why try and start something that's been over for years?"

"It only ended because you ran away!" April stood up and even as comparatively small as she was, Raphael could still feel her fury.

"No, I made a choice." He growled back, "Stay and ruin my family's – _your_ – lives or disappear and be free to grow into whatever awaited me. This," He waved down at himself, "Isn't about to change! Hell, after all those 'noids yesterday I'll probably grow another six inches yet."

"You…" That startled her, " _You're still growing_?! After all this time?!"

"Not a ton!" He snapped, "The last three years I've only grown a few feet, but it's still something."

"Enough to make you live in isolation the rest of your life?"

"What other choice do I have?" He hated how she was looking at him, "I already told you I won't fit in the Lair! Besides, the others don't know I'm still around and I'd rather keep it that way."

"You cannot be serious?!" She began marching angrily towards him, "How can you ask that of me?! There's no way I can keep this from them!"

"Well you'd better think of a way!"

Stopping right at the base of his toes she shouted up, "They have a right to know!"

Raphael folded his arms and looked away, "And I have a right to my privacy."

"Oh my gosh!" April threw her arms up into the air, "You are the most stubborn, pig-headed, mulish-"

"Tell me something I don't already know!" He cut her off, "Look just grab your shit, I'll take you back, and we can pretend this whole thing never happened if it makes you feel better."

April widened her eyes before abruptly narrowing them, "Fine."

She stomped over to her bag and violently shoved her belongings back into it. After zipping it up, she stood and began to head not in the direction of the exit, but one of the nearby tunnels. Glaring at her he jerked his thumb in the direction of the entrance cave, "The exit's that way."

"Oh I know." April's pace subtly picked up.

Lifting an eye ridge his scowl followed her, "Then where do you think you're going?"

"Not where you want me to." April called back before falling into a dead sprint.

Blinking in shock for a few seconds at her back, he cursed, "You've got to be fucking kidding me! Get back here April!"

"Make me!" Her voice echoed back to him.

Bristling, he strode forward, knowing that he would not need to run to catch up with her. By the time they entered the following cavern, he was almost on top of her, "Quit being stupid! You know you can't outrun me."

When his hand came down to try and grab her, April quickly spun around and ran under his legs. It was to his utmost displeasure that when he twisted around it was to see her dive into a tiny crevice in the cave's wall. Mood quickly souring, he fell to his knees to glance in, "Oh for the love of…" Seeing her silhouette he ordered, "Get out of there!"

"Let me think about that…" She hummed before retorting, "No."

"I'm warning you April," He hissed, "You do not want me dragging you out."

"I'd like to see you try!" April snapped back.

"Oh you are so asking for it…" He grumbled as he bent down and tried to force his arm into the hole. His hand hardly got far though before the opening narrowed too much preventing him from reaching in any further, "I swear April when I get you out of there…"

"You'll what?" She clearly was in just as cheery a disposition as he was, "Grab me and then haul me to the nearest exit before shoving me through a manhole?"

"Sounds like a good plan to me." He muttered as his claws dug at the stone, "Seriously, get out of there!"

"Not happening Raph." He could hear her sitting down, "I'm not letting you run away anymore."

"How do you figure that?" At last he drew back his hand so he could glimpse into the darkness, "By playing the part of a damn rat?"

"After all the work you put into this place I doubt you're about to just up and leave it. Besides, you can't go anywhere until things cool down topside after that whole squirrelanoid business. Way I see it, you're stuck with me."

"Oh no I'm not." Raphael pulled himself up before striding over to the far side of the room. In her hurry April had failed to see what this room contained, but Raphael had to do something to keep himself occupied over the years. Stone carving fit the bill nicely. Although none of his serious work was kept in the small storage cave, all of his supplies were. Grabbing a pair of tongs he had forged himself, he returned to the hole, "I'll give you one last warning, April. Get your sorry butt out of there now or I'll force you out."

"Gee with that tone I can't see why I wouldn't rather stay here," She sniped sarcastically.

"You asked for it." Laying down on his plastron, Raphael smoothly inserted the tongs into the opening.

Only a second later he heard her squeak, "You're trying to get me out with dinner tongs?!"

"I don't use them for cooking." He replied coolly, "But you're still dead meat when I get you."

He could feel her tiny form pushing the metal ends away. All he had to do was manage to get them closed behind her and then he could drag her out. A second later however, right when he thought he might finally have her, his efforts were rewarded by a small egg-shaped projectile careening at his face. "AUGH!" When the smoke bomb exploded it left his eyes stinging from the purple haze. Flinching back, abandoning his tongs he rubbed his palms over his burning eyes, "Mother of mutation! _What is wrong with you_?!"

"It serves you right!" She snarled from the hole, "Trying to grab at me like I'm a cob of corn! Stinging eyes is less than you deserve you jerk!"

Forced to abandon his quarry to go and rinse out his eyes, Raphael rose and staggered from the cave with more than a few more curses aimed in her direction. After thoroughly washing out his now very blood-shot eyes, he stomped back before planting himself cross-legged before the hole, "You can't stay in there forever."

"Maybe not." She quipped, "But I have enough food and water for a little while at least. You on the other hand will have to leave eventually."

"Are you forgetting how much I ate yesterday?" He folded his arms while glaring at the infuriatingly tiny hole in his wall, "Not to mention the fact that I'm a reptile? I can stay here for days, sweetheart."

"Well that makes two of us then." She snapped back.

"If that's how you want to play then fine." He growled.

"Fine by me." April hissed.

"Fine."

"Fine!"

Angered into silence, they both sat at their posts fuming for a good half an hour before either even felt like acknowledging the other. However, even with their fury abated, neither knew how to proceed through their obvious stalemate. Thus, as the next hour slowly inched by it was fueled not by rage but by uncertainty. April had indeed been well-equipped to last at least a day or two with her current provisions. However, as the second hour began, she became more and more aware she had not considered one vital necessity: she really had to pee.

The night previous before turning in, Raphael had left her at a nearby cave away from his main network of tunnels so she could do her business, but now in her dead-ended hole she had literally nowhere to go. At least not without fouling up her space or having to deal with the embarrassment that would come when he became aware of what she was doing in his wall. If he wasn't pleased with her now, she could only imagine how pissed he would be upon that unfortunate discovery. Still, she was not yet ready to admit defeat and so she bit her lip and crossed her legs and waited. Twenty minutes later, she was really regretting drinking that tea.

Her swollen bladder forcing her to swallow her pride, April tentatively called out, "Raph?"

Outside, slightly startled by her voice, Raphael returned darkly, " _What_?"

Hearing the displeasure in his voice, she grimaced, "Do you really never want to see me again?"

"Doesn't matter what I want." He huffed back, "It's still gonna happen as soon as you come out of there."

"Right…" She shook her head and for several minutes she chewed over her options silently. However, her nether regions' constant protest was urging her to rush through things faster than she would have liked. Eventually she sighed, "Raph?"

"Now what?"

"I uh…" She exhaled, "Have a problem."

That set him off balance. Such a statement was the last thing he had been anticipating, "What's wrong?"

Encouraged by the poorly concealed concern in his voice she continued, "I have to go…"

"Right." His tone sounded slightly bemused, "You need to come out so you can go home."

"No…" Her cheeks blazed red in the darkness, "Not that kind of go."

"Huh?" Raphael lowered himself down to peer into the hole, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Flustered by the sudden sight of his face she snapped, "Think about it Raph! I. Have. To. Go."

God she wished she hadn't seen that moment of realization followed by utter mortification cross his face. Jumping up, he bent to crouch so he could place his hand flat on the floor before the hole, "Gotcha."

Slowly, she crawled out to see him adamantly looking anywhere but her, "I can walk myself you know."

"Not in the dark you can't." He muttered, "Fire's gone out."

It was true, even with the glowing mushrooms, worms, and distant algae pools, April's weak human eyes were poorly adjusted to navigate her way through Raphael's unfamiliar labyrinthine home. Admitting defeat, she scurried onto his hand. Shortly thereafter, his fingers gently closed around her and without further ado, he took off at an alarming pace down a series of corridors before eventually dumping her where they had been last night. As soon as she was safely on the ground, he was gone. Horrified by the entire situation, April relieved herself before self-consciously finding her way back down the long tunnel. At the entrance, sitting with his shell to the wall and staring up at the ceiling was Raphael. When he didn't turn to acknowledge her, she said the first thing that came to her mind, "Hi."

His gaze rolled to the corner of his eye while his head remained quite still before flicking back up to the glowing ceiling, "You good?"

"I'm good." Her cheeks would probably burn in humiliation for the next month, but she was good. When he didn't make a move she regained herself enough to tilt her head perplexed, "Aren't you going to grab me and haul me back up? You got me out."

"It wasn't me who got you out." He returned flatly.

"Either way…" April sighed, "There's no way I can outrun you with you this close."

"No, probably not." Raphael continued to study the stone above.

"So…?"

His eyes closed for a long moment for opening again, "You were right."

"Pardon me?" April gawked at him.

"You were right." He leaned his head against the wall, "Maybe I did run away and maybe I still am, but did you ever consider that maybe I'm not ready to face them yet?" At last he turned his face in her direction, "That this has been just as hard on me as it has for you? And that maybe despite what you might think of it, I've come to think of this place as my home?"

"Raphael…"

His eyes were fully open now, " _This is my home_. I can't and don't want to go back there." He sighed, "At least not to live anyway."

"Oh Raph…" She walked forward to place her hands on his thigh, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you or-"

He waved her off, "Don't apologize. I needed this. I missed you too, you know?"

"Y-you did?" She stuttered.

"Yeah," He deftly scooped her up and brought her to eye level, "Every day."

"Maybe…" Feeling her eyes blur with sudden tears, April hurriedly tried to brush them away, "Maybe there's another way? I mean we don't have to tell the others right away, but you don't have to stay down here alone all the time either."

"What do you mean?"

She placed a hand on one of the tips of his fingers for balance, "I can keep coming down here and visiting you. I mean…" She couldn't hide the memory of the fear she had when she crossed the squirrelanoid's path, "You'd have to come pick me up so I don't become squirrel chow, but on my days off I can come down. I could even probably bring my work down on occasion to buy us a little more time."

"I hadn't thought of that…" April felt her heart soar at the light that suddenly seemed to shine from the depths of his eyes, "You'd really do that? Come down all the way here?" His voice became shy, "Just for me?"

April's face filled with her smile, "In a heartbeat. I'd do anything for you, Raphael."

His own cheeks darkened at her words and in an attempt to save face he stood up, setting towards a connecting tunnel, "Do you need to go up right away or…"

"I should probably go considering I am supposed to be at work tomorrow, but on Friday night I can be back."

"What day is it today?" Unsurprisingly, Raphael had long lost his sense for the days of the week.

"It's Sunday." April's eyes flashed up at him, "Think you can wait five days for me, big guy?"

"I think I can manage," He grinned down at her, "But it'll be tough."

"The feeling's mutual."

At the way she looked at him as though nothing else in the world mattered, Raphael could not help but nuzzle her gently. He even dared to brush his lips over her softly, and for the first time in years he felt lighter.

* * *

 **A/N I admit have no idea what tongs could be used for when carving stone. Just humour me okay?**

* * *

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: I agree. No one can run away from their problems forever. Thanks for reviewing!**

 **FeatherArtist: I know, I feel the same it's so hard to see them suffer. The eternal conflict of the ff writer: I want my characters to be happy but I also love to torture them so they can grow. Tough love at its finest I suppose lol. Haha yeah I didn't think of that… His heartbeat would be a little on the loud side for sure XD Mind, with his increased muscle tone and the like it might help to muffle it a bit. As to the rest, you'll just have to wait and see…**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha I bow to your dedication. I have to admit I am a total morning lark (I get it from my dad). I cannot stay up late to save my life, but I can wake up at 6am (if not sooner) no problem. I get up, eat, and then I have my morning tea while working on fanfiction XD Best way to start my day not gonna lie. Plus, it helps get my brain ruminating on my story in the background while I'm doing other things throughout the day. Efficiency at its finest lol. Haha we can be in love with this story together then. As I said earlier, it's totally possessed me. Mind, that's probably good because although my rough draft is done, I still need to clean up the ending a fair bit before I'm ready to post it.**


	9. Chapter 9

Growing Pains

Chapter 9

Not long after he took her to a new spot far from squirrelanoid territory – and admittedly closer to the Lair than he would have preferred. It was here that they parted ways and Raphael promised April he would be waiting come Friday at five. Leaving behind her watch to help him keep track of time, April assured him that upon her return, she would bring him his own.

After swimming back to his den, Raphael cringed at the place and how he had subjected April to its grimy state. Sure, he kept it more or less clean, but he had hardly done the space any serious scouring in ages. With a new glow burning deep in his belly at the thought of her return he found a fresh spring of motivation. Over the next few days he worked tirelessly, washing linen, scrubbing cave floors, and even installing several oil lamps he had scavenged a couple of years ago. They needed fire to burn, but when they were lit, the innermost chamber was awash with a new brightness.

When all that was done and he was convinced his home was no longer a cess pit, Raphael went about seeing to his own hygiene. Digging out what little soap he had, come Friday morning he set off for a nearby pool he knew was filled with fairly clean spring water. With the overhanging stalactites, the cavern was more than a little eerie, but Raphael was hardly uncomfortable. Nothing in his subterranean realm posed a threat to him. So with soap in hand and more than a few towels, he set to work scrubbing every bit of grim off that he could. He had even put together what was essentially a giant mop, which he could use to get at the harder-to-reach scutes on his shell. A normal broom and an unfortunately large mouthful of disgusting soap was what he forced himself to use to scrub his teeth.

It took several hours, but at last when he emerged from the pool, he was pleased to see as he dried over by the fire that his scales were shining as brilliant as emeralds. A quick once over later and he set out towards their designated meeting spot – ensuring he took the cleanest waterways possible so he wouldn't put his hard work to shame.

Using April's watch faithfully, Raphael arrived a good hour early, but he didn't mind. He would rather be there early than force her to wait in the darkness even a minute, especially if squirrelanoids were around. Thankfully, after last weekend's massacre, he hadn't seen much of the fuzz balls, but that did not stop him from being vigilant. They may not be able to hurt him, but April would be easy pickings if enough of them showed up.

At ten to five, just as he was starting to get slightly anxious, he was startled when the grate overhead shifted. With its opening he inhaled her familiar scent of vanilla and strawberries and couldn't help but grin into her flashlight beam, "You're early!"

"Shoot!" She laughed, "And so are you! So much for tidying myself up first." Since there was no ladder here, Raphael held out his hand allowing for her to step down onto it. After she pulled the grate back in place she gave him a proper look, "Looks like I'm not the only one thinking that."

"Yeah well…" Blushing crimson he shrugged, "I wanted to make up for last week."

Sitting down in his palm, April caught sight of his mask. He had untied it earlier in the week and had also given it a good scrubbing. The fabric was well-worn but at least now she could clearly see its scarlet hue instead of the dark grimy rag it had been previously reduced to. "Your mask!"

"Couldn't wash the rest of me and not it," He grinned sheepishly, "Could I?"

Placing her fingers through the two tiny slits that once framed his eyes she shook her head, "No, I'm glad you did. You feel like you again."

He had nothing to say to that and so instead he moved back onto all-fours after carefully placing April atop of his shell. Once she was settled he glanced over his shoulder, "You wrap your bag's stuff in plastic again?"

"This time," She brandished a garbage bag in his direction, "I got the whole thing covered."

Giving a small puff of laughter, he sauntered over to a nearby pool, "Then hang on, we're taking a more aquatic route this time."

"Lead on my noble steed!"

Abruptly ceasing his progress into the water he turned to glare at her, "Noble steed my ass. I ain't anyone's steed."

Leaning forward she gave him a shit-filled smirk, "I'm just joshing ya, Raph."

"Hmph." He grouched as he lowered into the water, "You win this one O'Neil, but a weekend's a long time."

"You're right." Her grip tightened as he began to swim. He would not have to dive for a minute yet, "Gives me plenty of time to win by a landslide."

"Is that a challenge, O'Neil?"

He could hear how obviously pleased she was with herself, "Maybe."

At the sloping ceiling he ignored her ribbing, "I gotta dive now. You got a firm hold? There's a bit of a current in this part of the sewers."

"I'm ready." She called.

"Then deep breath. On three, one… two… three!"

Hearing her inhale, he took his own breath before plunging into the cold water. Convinced she still had a tight grip on his carapace, he propelled himself forward. He tried not to swim too fast, but he did know it was a bit of a distance to the next air pocket and April had nowhere near the lung capacity he had. Nonetheless, he could not help glancing over his shoulder. April was still there, obviously holding on for all she was worth, with her eyes squeezed shut. It was times like these he was thankful for his nictitating membrane. His third eyelids may have left them an unnerving milky white, but they easily protected his eyes within the water.

Finally, after about a minute, he broke the surface of a tunnel. It was pitch black, but he knew there was oxygen for April. Feeling the brisk air on her face, the soaked redhead took a great gasp of breath. Turning his head to face her, although well aware she could probably see nothing he asked, "You doing okay?"

"Yeah…" April panted for a moment, "Just give me a second."

"No problem." Raphael paddled in a small circle, "These air pockets are a saviour, huh?"

"I'll say…" Sucking down another great gasp of air her voice began to settle, "What about you? How are you doing?"

"Me?" He chuckled into the darkness, "This is nothing. I can stay under for almost three quarters of an hour."

"Wow." April laid her chin onto her arms, "And I lasted what? Two minutes?"

"Uh… I'd say probably closer to a minute and half." Sensing her frown he tried to reassure her, "Don't worry about it though. Even before my growth spurt I could hold my breath for a good fifteen minutes."

"Guess that's one advantage to being a turtle."

"We gotta have something going for us; it's only fair."

"I suppose so." She took another large breath, "Okay I'm ready."

"Alright. One. Two. Three."

Once more at her inhale, he dove below the surface. After a few bends, they came into a larger passageway, but he did not like how strong the current was. April was still holding on tightly though so he gritted his teeth and plowed ahead. After few seconds, he felt a wave of ice run through him when he realized her fingers were slipping. An instant later he felt her nails scrape the edge of his shell before releasing.

Spinning around, he saw her mouth open in an attempt to shout, but she was only met with a mouth full of water. Watching her and her bubbles whip away, he pelted after her. His muscles burned from how fast he urged them to move, but it was worth it when he managed to wrap his fingers around her warm body. Deep blue eyes stared in fright at him and all he could do was give her a tiny grin, which she probably couldn't see anyway, before pulling her close to his chest. Kicking vigorously against the current, Raphael pushed himself to try and make the next opening, but he knew the clock was ticking.

At what he thought would hopefully be another air pocket, he broke the surface, but when he lifted her up, she only continued to choke. The stale smell told him all he needed to know that there was no oxygen here. Starting to panic a little himself, when her eyes fluttered closed, he did the only thing he could think of.

Opening his mouth, knowing he had two lungs full of mostly unused air, he laid her onto his tongue. At the warm, wet sensation, he felt April sit abruptly up, but before she could do anything, he closed his mouth and exhaled a huge puff of air into his mouth. Hearing her cough for a moment, he knew she was fine when her muffled but undoubtedly shrill voice came from his mouth, "RAPHAEL! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Rolling his eyes, he plunged back into the water, listening to her yelling as he continued on. After about a minute, he was pleased she had stopped, obviously figuring out that if she kept it up they'd both run out of air. However, he was still well aware they weren't out of the woods yet. About ten minutes later when he was starting to feel the lack of oxygen himself – after all he was now breathing for two – he finally broke the surface of the very pool he had bathed in earlier that day.

Not at all eager to meet her wrath at being confined to his mouth of all places, he paddled to the shore before placing his chin onto the stone and slowly opening his lips. To her credit, she did not begin yelling the instant she saw the light of the overhanging glow worms. It was not until she had both feet firmly on the ground that she sharply spun around to where he was still largely submerged. The pool was deceptively deep and with him hanging on the edge as he was, they were at eye level. Her eyes blazed, "What the hell was that?!"

"Uh…" He was more than a little cowed by her glare.

"You did not just carry me in your mouth!" She began to pace, "Oh my God. You carried me _in your mouth_!" Whirling on him again she spat, "Do you know how gross that is?"

Well aware he was making an effort not to simply sink into the pool and disappear he responded, "I did brush my teeth this morning…"

"That hardly makes it better!" April snapped.

"You'd be a lot more pissed right now if I hadn't." He retorted, "Besides, would you have preferred to have drowned back there?"

"No, I would have preferred to have taken a route where that wasn't even a possibility!"

"Well," He began to pull himself from the water, "I hate to break it to you, but your News groupies have been snooping around all week. Them, police, and sewer workers have been wondering down into the part of the sewers where I first found you. I'm not exactly about to go broadcasting myself to them."

"You've done some snooping yourself if you know they're there." April folded her arms.

"I'm a ninja remember?" He then rapidly shook his body soaking everything surrounding him, including her, "I know how to stay hidden."

"Yet you're oh so subtle the rest of the time." April huffed under her freshly soaked sheet of wet hair.

"Erm…" He lowered his head, "Sorry, my bad."

"Just take me to your cave, you dork, before I freeze to death."

"Yes ma'am."

"And don't call me ma'am!"

Shaking his head, knowing he was getting nowhere quickly, he walked over her towards the cavern's opening, "Follow me."

"Who else would I follow?" April muttered under her breath, but Raphael still heard.

"We're in a charming mood today aren't we?"

Waiting for her to catch up, he was surprised to see her right between his forelimbs below his plastron – there was not enough room to stand up fully in these chambers, "You're not the one who's half-drowned!"

He stared down at her, "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic considering you're standing there looking fine?"

"Our definitions of "fine" are apparently very different."

"Apparently." He rolled his eyes before continuing on, "For the record it's not like any of that was intentional."

As they turned the bend, entry cave in sight, she replied, "Which is good, because if it was, you would definitely not be getting the surprise I packed for you."

Admittedly impressed that despite everything she had managed to keep the garbage bag-covered backpack on her person, he halted as she walked on past his legs, "What? You got me something?"

Her coy grin only made him more eager as he padded up to her and began sniffing her pack. April tried and failed yet again to brush him off, "Be patient! We're not even inside yet!"

"Technically this whole place is inside…" Suddenly he sneezed loudly. Pulling back, he scrunched his nose, "The hell? Did you drench the thing in perfume?"

Passing the algae pools she shrugged, "It was the only thing I could think of that would cover up the smell and not ruin the surprise."

"So it is something edible!" Despite the floral deterrent he was prodding the bag with his nose again.

"Can't you just wait five minutes?" April tried to put herself between the bag and him, but he simply blocked her movement with his hand so she was forced to endure his snooping. "Would you stop that?!"

The words were barely out of her mouth when he pulled back to sneeze again, "Ugh. Whatever that stuff is burns my nose."

"That would be called karma." She tutted as she pulled her bag from her back, "But I won't make you suffer too much for it."

Rubbing his beak, he watched her closely as she unloaded her cargo. A moment later she pulled out a thoroughly wrapped package. However, as soon as it was away from the rest of her scented things, Raphael was in her face again with excitement, "Is that what I think it is?"

Smiling, April began to pry off the plastic, "Yes it is."

"Christ April, have I ever told you how awesome you are?"

"I think you may be doing so once or twice after this," she smirked.

He watched her fiddling with the wrapping for a second before he offered a large sharp black claw, "Here."

Blue eyes acknowledging his gift, she sighed before holding the box out to him, "Just go for it."

Not even a second later and his claw had skinned the container of the plastic before revealing the brown cardboard box within. It was then that she as well as he got a real whiff of the true aroma. Gasping in unrestrained excitement, Raphael opened the box, "Pizza!" Then he simply stared at the contents, "Oh man I never thought I'd miss you so much."

"That's what Mikey says every time he brings down a new order of the stuff." April chuckled. However, Raphael no longer had eyes for the pie. Instead his gaze was fixed on the red-head kneeling before him. When he laid the box on the ground, she looked up in confusion, "Is something wrong?" To her surprise, Raphael instantly had her cupped in his hands before pressing her to the soft scaled skin above his plastron, "Raph?"

"I wasn't talking about the pizza," he murmured quietly.

All April could do was close her eyes and lay her arms out as far as they would go on his chest. Inhaling his scent and soaking in his warmth. Eventually, he pulled her away so that he could look at her properly, "I wish I could do more for you."

Refusing to let the sorrow in his eyes free, April quickly answered, "Well if you get that fire going and let me change into some warm clothes that would be a start." As he put her down she quipped, "I wouldn't say no to a slice or two of your precious pizza either."

"I can do that."

Standing up he walked towards the storage chamber that held his carving tools as well as a healthy stockpile of wood. That was another project that kept him busy. Stealing out in the dead of night to the harbour and gathering drift wood and any other good fire fuel undetected had only become more difficult as he grew larger. That was why in another large cave not too far off he had taken the time to jam it completely full of wood. He just never knew how long it would be until he could acquire more. Besides, if April was really going to keep visiting him, he would have to do his best to keep her warm and at home.

Coming back with a handful of logs, he saw her walking around investigating the space, "You really have been busy haven't you?" It was clear she had noticed his uplift of the place in general, but then she was pointing at the oil lamps that he now began to light before tending to the fire, "When'd you get those?"

"Had 'em for a while." He threw what was left of his long match into the fire pit, "Just needed an excuse to set them up." It was his turn to admire his handiwork, "They really brighten up the place, don't they?"

"They do." She grinned at him while she twisted her hair into a messy braid. Then she moved over to the bed where she tried to pull off one of his massive blankets, "Would you give me a hand? I'm still pretty cold."

Instantly he was at her side and pulling the top crimson blanket free, "Here, go sit down." She settled down near the fire and a moment later, he was beside her. Before lifting her gently onto his lap and swiping the pizza box, he arranged the blanket carefully on his legs. Only then did he guide the upper folds of the fabric around her shoulders before finally leaning his shell against the wall. Relaxing her back against his hard abdomen, April met his gaze as he peered down at her, "Comfy?"

She sighed into both blanket and shell, "Most definitely." Then she caught him eyeing the pizza. After quickly snagging her own two slices she gestured, "It's all yours."

Beaming down at her, he lifted the tiny box up before dumping the contents into his mouth. Mimicking her own sigh of contentment, he closed his eyes as the delicious tastes of cheese, meat, and sauce soaked into his tongue. At his humming of pleasure, she smiled around her own meal, "A taste is a taste right?"

Closing his eyes letting his head fall against the wall he responded, "I will never doubt your judgement again."

"Can I have that in writing?" She teased.

Quirking an eye open he looked down at her, "And seal my fate?" He closed said eye again, "Nah, I'm good."

"I knew it was too good to be true."

"I don't know," He kept his eyes closed, "I'm feeling pretty good right now."

"I'm glad." She leaned back, finishing her second slice, "So am I."

Eventually opening his eyes to throw the empty box to the side, Raphael then rearranged his hands on either side of her body. As she snuggled into his hold he asked, "So any requests while you're down here this weekend?"

"What, you going to give me the guided tour?" April mocked.

"If you want." He chuckled back, "It'd be pretty weak on the commentary. "There's a wall there. There's a wall here. There's a puddle of sludge over there." Not much as far as sights go."

"I don't know…" Fed, her eyelids drooped closed, "I bet you've found a few special gems down here over the years."

He had. One of which was largely a result of his doing, but he wasn't ready to show that to her yet. "Maybe. This place in and of itself was one of those."

"A real diamond in the rough." She agreed, "But a good part of that was shined up by you."

"Man you are hitting all the right chords tonight, O'Neil." His green eyes admired her still form.

Sensing his gaze her azure eyes blinked open, "I got to make up for lost time."

"Hmm." He lifted his sight to look at nothing at all, "Guess that makes two of us."

"That said." She cuddled deeper into his grasp, "I could sit here for a while yet."

"Great minds think alike." His mouth quirked into a small grin.

"Indeed they do."

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **angel897: Thank-you! I'm glad you're enjoying it :)**

 **StitcherBell: Haha yeah the whole scene of scowling at the hole while trying to figure out a way to get her out amuses me to no end XD Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Raigon: Haha yep, it's def true cotton candy fluff, but it's a nice break from all the angst. Gotta keep things balanced ;)**

 **SetoAngel01: Dude, you and me both XD What can I say, we may be young but we're old in spirit :P Yay Raphril fluff ftw! Tis nothing better!**


	10. Chapter 10

Growing Pains

Chapter 10

That night marked the beginning of a new pattern for Raphael and April. Almost every weekend, April would steal away into the depths of the sewers and meet up with the giant mutant. From there he would take her down deep into the subterranean realm that was unknown to the world above. Together, they spent their time enjoying everything from the tidbits of the cuisine April often brought with her, to movies, to long walks throughout the caverns. When the weather warmed enough so that the heat finally made it into that world down below, Raphael would take April swimming in the spring fed pool. Much of those swims would often end with him paddling leisurely along on his back while April lay on his stomach with her head propped on her hands. They would converse for hours like that.

Once April convinced Donatello to build a new super battery for her computer (which she had assured him was solely so she wouldn't have to charge it while in the middle of a case), the two would watch endless movies together. After all, April had years of media she wanted to catch Raphael up on. Alas, not all their visits could be spent simply idling the hours away. More times than she would have liked, April was forced to type away much of her visits as she tried to stay on top of her work. Not having internet in the depths of the underground was a bit problematic at times, but eventually April learned to simply open as many possibly research tabs as she could while still at work before heading off to meet Raphael.

It was on one such weekend when April was particularly swamped that Raphael decided to work on something he had yet to reveal to her. While she clicked away from his bed, he hauled out a massive stone tablet from the neighbouring storage room. She was focused enough that said movement did not draw her attention – after all it was not uncommon for Raphael to take up some project or other while she worked. However, what did pique her curiosity was when a steady gentle tapping continually came from his direction. For a while, not really bothered by the sound, she simply let him be. Not until a good hour had passed, when she was more than ready for a break, did she become aware that he was still at it.

Reluctant to disturb him, she placed her laptop aside and quietly rose from the bed before tiptoeing to where he sat. Using every bit of training she had practiced under Master Splinter, she managed to get to his side undetected, or so she thought. "You're getting better. Bet Sensei's pleased."

Sighing she leaned against his leg, "Not good enough to sneak up on you though."

"Remember, my senses are a lot sharper now." He continued to tap away, "Even if I couldn't see or hear you I could smell you getting closer."

"That's not fair!" April huffed.

"Just telling it like it is." He finally ceased tapping to look down at her, "You ready for a break?"

"Yeah." She stood on her tiptoes trying in vain to see what he had sitting in his lap. Unfortunately, all she could tell from her position was that it looked like a big hunk of rock, "What are you doing?"

"Carving." He answered. She noted he was being suspiciously casual about it.

"You carve stone?" April was determined to get the whole story.

"Helps pass the time." Seeing her now struggling to climb up his thigh, he sighed before easily hauling her up, "You really should just ask."

"Asking ruins any chance of me being subtle," She huffed.

"So does your clawing at my leg like that," He smirked.

However, she barely heard his words. Instead she was transfixed by the piece of stone in his lap. There, carved with such beautiful and meticulous care, was her face. Touching her own cheek in wonder she asked, "You did this?"

"Yeah..." Raphael knew he was blushing now. "I like to practice before I add to the real deal."

"Hold on…" Now she was unabashedly staring at him, "You've done more of this?" He lost his voice and rubbed the back of his head silently when she squeezed the thumb of the hand that held her, "Will you show it to me?"

Still silent, he nodded. Moving the stone, which compared to April was essentially a boulder, off his lap, Raphael stood. Although there would be no diving involved to get there, he carried her close to his heart. Once they were out in the entrance tunnel, he placed her on the ground, "Stand back."

It was then when he placed his hands on either side of the rock face April realized what she had always assumed was solid wall was actually a massive column of stone that acted as a door. Digging his heels into the ground, Raphael grunted as he slowly shoved the slab of rock aside. It was times like these when she could barely fathom how strong he had actually become over the years. Finally, the cords of muscle in his body relaxed and the corridor was exposed. Kneeling down, he lowered his hand to her. As she stepped on she questioned, "Do you always keep it closed?"

"Not always." He grimaced shyly, "Usually only when I knew you were coming; I wasn't ready to show it to you yet." At her nod of understanding, he smiled appreciatively, "It's pretty personal and no one's ever seen it."

"It's okay Raph," She rubbed his thumb softly, "You don't have to show me now either. I don't want to pressure you."

"No, it's about time I show you." He chuckled nervously, "Actually I wanted to show you weeks ago, but I wanted to finish the section I was working on."

The first thing April noticed was how bright it was at the end of the tunnel. Around the entrance she began to clue in to where the soft golden light was coming from. Nestled in the stone were clusters of pinkish yellow crystals, which burned brightly despite the dark. Answering her silent questions he murmured, "Being close to this place was why I chose these caves as my home. I don't know what makes them glow like that but I've never seen anything else like them."

When they passed the threshold, April couldn't help but gasp. On the other side was large spiral chamber littered with crystals and stone murals. They entered the space at the centermost and highest part of the room and from there a stone spiral ramp led down to the apex of the cone. The ramp was supported by one single, massive, central, and cylindrical pillar instead of the walls, allowing for the entire space to have an airy feel to it and despite the probable difficulty in reaching the walls, even for a being of Raphael's incredible size, magnificently detailed murals covered most of them. Crystal clusters lined the ramp right to the bottom where at the cone's apex there gathered a giant constellation of crystals.

Raphael placed April down and followed her slowly, giving her the space to examine his work as she descended. Almost instantly, April found herself tearing up at the scenes. Depictions of his brothers and him as they once were took up much of the first coil. There were scenes of them first mutating, growing up, training, fighting, and relaxing; them simply being brothers together. Master Splinter was there. Casey was there. April was there. Her and Raphael by the lake in North Hampton, her and Raphael under the stars, her and Raphael admiring the New York skyline together. She was pretty sure no major memory of them together had been forgotten. Only now that they were half-way down did Raphael speak, "It's our story – _my_ – story."

April didn't answer, instead her eyes widened as the murals gradually acquired a much different tone. At first it began with an illustration of her and Casey's high school graduation. The turtles were there and obviously proud, but April did not miss that image of a younger Raphael, still shorter than his brothers, in the background. Scenes denoting the passing of summer and time came next, including the flu which marked the true beginning of Raphael's growth spurt. Her eyes stung when she saw the summer's conclusion with her and Raphael's reunion but it was not lost on her how the once much shorter turtle was now carved as being much taller than the woman in his arms.

From then, it became hard to keep going. First came the image of a turtle looking in the mirror while his smaller brothers stood nearby staring at him from afar, then came depictions of how his role in battle changed almost overnight, and one of the final scenes in that coil was the construction of a very large Raphael leaving his home and his family and her… behind…

Yet there were still more coils until the bottom, and despite her tears, April could hardly stop now. However, when she looked up to see if Raphael was still following her, her heart broke to see his hand covering the stone version of his younger self. Both turtles had their eyes downcast and the current Raphael had his palm atop of his doppelganger's, nestled on the stone mirror's reflection. With only the slightest of cursory glances at the murals below, April turned away from them to walk up to where he stood frozen in time.

"Raphael." He did not move. He just continued to stare at the stone. Never before had she been so frustrated to not be able to reach his hand when he was standing at his full height. All she could do was settle for brushing his calf, "Raphael, look at me."

Between the touch and her voice, he slowly dislodged his stare, but April was hardly assured by seeing his eyes for they were full of tears. A mere blink was all it took for two twin trails to leak from his beautiful emerald gaze. "Oh Raphael…" She swallowed trying to think of something to say but all she could come up with were words most inadequate, "I'm so sorry."

Then her own eyes began to brim and soon she had her own pair of matching rivers streaming from under her lashes. Still, she managed to school herself enough to summon her voice and she was surprised by how steady it was, "We should go back."

A new look of recognition crossed his face, "No." He looked down to the floors below, "You need to see it all."

She did not move, "You sure?"

April was struck deeply by how he refused to wipe his eyes, "Yes."

Nodding once more, she turned and now knew he was following her again. After passing the mural depicting him leaving home, came a series of pictures she knew described the years he had spent down in the sub sewers. His struggles gaining dominance over the squirrelanoids, how well aware he was of how big he was getting, and the incredible effort he spent in making this place his home all were there. Finally, they were nearing the ending for although there was still a large canvas of blank wall, she knew by the current image she was admiring that they had almost arrived at the present.

Raphael had clearly mastered his stone carving craft by this point. The image of him lunging out of the water to save her from the squirrelanoid had an uncanny resemblance to reality. Then there was a carving of the two of them asleep; April resting on his chest while Raphael cradled her. The final scene was of him, standing by a doorway of this very room with April passing through the threshold. After that, it was blank.

When her footfalls stopped at this point, Raphael came to her side. She looked up at him to see his tears were gone although his eyes did look redder around the edges than normal. April barely knew where to begin, "This is… Raphael I don't have words to describe how incredible this place is."

"Yeah…" He looked up to the floors above, "Can't say it was easy. The first couple years were the most frustrating, but slowly I got the hang of it." He flexed his fingers, "And I got stronger."

"More than physically." She placed a hand on his leg, "You know that right?"

For a long moment he looked into her eyes before answering, "I think I'm starting to."

"This isn't the end though is it?" She nodded to the blank canvas still awaiting him.

"No." He shrugged, "Don't know what's going there yet."

"Do you want to carve your brothers again?"

Those penetrating emerald eyes caught hers again, "I'm hoping one day I will."

* * *

 **A/N The weekend was full of fluff and now we're getting back to the angst. As to the design of the chamber, you know the spiral wooden platform in the 2k12 Lair that leads to their periscope of the surface? Same idea just on a much bigger scale. Then if you took said shape and stuck it in a hollow cone (think ice cream cone XD) voila: epic stone cavern.**

 **As to glowing crystals… That's a bit of creative license on my part. Although some crystals like autunite are radioactive and glow for a bit after exposure to UV light, they eventually will go dark. For them to continually create their own light without a means to "charge" themselves just doesn't happen.**

* * *

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Lol glad that got a laugh out of somebody. Raph just totally panicked. Still, despite April's lack of enthusiasm for the whole situation she was fortunate Raphael thought to brush his teeth that morning X'D**

 **Setoangel01: Haha I'm impressed even on the move and you still keep your title! You are indeed the ultimate Raphril fan and one of my most faithful reviewers hands down 3 3 3**


	11. Chapter 11

Growing Pains

Chapter 11

Several months had passed since Raphael had taken her to his crystal cavern. It was that day both felt something irreversible shift between them. Although they had never officially ended their relationship before Raphael left now, without really voicing it directly, it was clear each saw the other as something more than a mere friend. Yet, nether wanted to risk losing this precious gift a second time, and so somehow they had silently agreed to simply not talk about it in order to protect it. Besides they were really in no rush. However, sometimes life has a way of rushing things along despite one's intentions. Three mutant turtles who had yet to fully give up on their long lost brother would be the catalyst the couple had unknowingly been waiting for.

Although Raphael was slowly beginning to warm to the idea of reuniting with his family, he was hardly actually anywhere near ready to do so. It had been beyond difficult to keep him a secret all those months, but April understood the necessity and respected Raphael's choice. Thus, she had done everything she could to not let his brothers clue in on her actions and she truly had thought she had been careful. Alas, neither April nor Raphael should have underestimated the mutant family's abilities to eke out the truth.

It started when she was at the Lair one evening after work. It was a Thursday and she was looking forward to seeing Raphael the next day. Despite their ever-evolving relationship, April was still very close to Raphael's brothers and sought them out whenever she could. The last nine months had been difficult on her trying to find feasible excuses as to why she was unavailable on so many weekends. She supposed in retrospect it wasn't all that surprising that one of the guys would sit her down sooner or later and demand answers. The turtle to do so was Donatello.

She had been helping him out in his lab when out of the blue he broached the subject, "April, why are you spending so much time in the sewers without us?"

At first a jet of fear came at the thought that he had been following her and knew the truth, but thankfully he saved her from that horrible train of thought, "I was clearing out the data cache from our t-phone network and happened to glance at your GPS log." He raised his hands quickly, "I didn't mean to spy! Where you go is your personal business, but I still couldn't help but notice how many weekends you spend down here. Yet, those same days you always claim you have _other plans_."

Only Donatello could go from such apologetic innocent to demanding interrogator so fast. April didn't know what to say. She thought about claiming that his system logs must have a bug, but she knew him too well. Donatello would never come to her with such a sensitive topic unless he was positive it was by no error on his part. At her silence he pressed on, "But what really worries me is that every time you're in the sewers like that, your signal then suddenly disappears off the grid for the following twenty-four to forty-eight hours."

Yep, that sounded about right. April would meet Raphael and then they would plunge into the depths of the sub sewers where her cell reception would immediately cut out for the duration of her time with him. To Donatello's logs it would indeed look as if she temporarily fell off the planet. Opting to use her reporter training, April finally countered with her own strategy, "What _do you think_ I'm doing, Donnie?"

It was her best bet. If she had any hope of keeping Raphael's existence down below a secret, she first had to learn how much the turtle before her knew. Startled by such a direct question, Donatello spluttered out, "I don't know! But if you're dimension hopping with the Kraang or something I think _we_ _have_ _a right to know_!"

April closed her eyes at the memory of her using those exact words against Raphael in a previous attempt to lure him out of hiding. The thought made her feel somewhat nauseous. At last she opened them to meet Donatello's mahogany gaze, "I can't tell you what I've been up to Donnie, not yet anyway, but I promise you I haven't been dimension hopping or doing anything that would put me or you guys in danger."

"Wandering around the sewers alone is hardly a safe nightly activity, April. Especially after all those reports of increased squirrelanoid activity a few months ago. What if you ran into one?"

She had to cover her mouth quickly to hide the smirk she had at that thought. Since reuniting, Raphael had gone out of his way to ensure it was crystal clear to the mutant rodents that if they even laid one finger on her he would hunt down and devour every last one of them. The last time she had come across one alone in the sewers, the thing had turned tail and run so fast it was almost impossible to think that even six months ago it would have done the opposite. Mustering her calm she answered, "Don't worry Donnie. I already have a system in place when it comes to those mutant fuzz balls."

The instant the words were out of her mouth, Donatello was narrowing his eyes in suspicion. April knew that such a handle hardly ever came from her mouth. She also knew it had come straight from Raphael's just that past weekend when she asked if he okay when he was acting more lethargic than usual. His answer had been that he may have gotten a little carried away and eaten more squirrelanoids than he should have. She could practically see him lying on the bed under her, " _Whenever I eat too many of those mutant fuzz balls I gotta take the time to digest 'em. It doesn't matter if I'm a mutant; I'm still a reptile, April."_

"A _system_ for dealing with _mutant fuzz balls_?" Donatello folded his arms, "Do tell. You know we're always looking for new methods of pest control."

"Um…" She waved him off, "Look it's nothing really."

"Uh huh." It was obvious he wasn't convinced, "So if it's nothing, you should have no problems letting me follow you to your favourite part of the sewers tomorrow night. I'd love to see your _system_ in action."

"Oh come on Donnie, I'm sure you have better plans for your Friday night."

He gave her an icy look, "I'm a mutant turtle, April. You know I haven't got any plans."

"I didn't mean it like that! I-"

"Guys!" He cut her off, "April's taking us for a walk in the sewers tomorrow night!"

Almost as if on cue, Leonardo and Michelangelo materialized. One look at the solemn expression Leonardo bore and the shit-filled grin on Michelangelo's face told her she was so busted. They may not know she was seeing their long-lost brother regularly, but they definitely knew something was up. "Fine." She snapped, rising from her chair, "I'll be here right after work. Then we can head out."

"See you tomorrow, April!" She hated the poorly contained laughter in Michelangelo's voice.

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: I know, so many feels! He's definitely been through a lot. April's return into his life really has made all the difference.**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha speaking of brothers… X'D There was no way April's wanderings would go unnoticed forever lol. Also, OMG I already love you forever, but I would love you beyond forever if you did fanart for me for this! Especially after how much I've fallen in love with this tale to see my mental image come to life would be AMAZING! If I could draw I would do it, but alas I cannot draw to save my life… Thus, I have no idea how to advise you on how one would go about drawing such a scene, but I shall send you all my love nonetheless! Raph does essentially look the same as he did before (just with claws) he's just now massive. So maybe drawing a tiny little April is the solution? I don't know but still EEEEEEEEE you are so wonderful girl and I love you to 3**


	12. Chapter 12

Growing Pains

Chapter 12

The next day, as promised, April arrived at the Lair at 4:30 pm. She had no doubt Donatello would be monitoring her phone and knew that any attempt she might make to get to Raphael before then would undoubtedly be thwarted. She didn't even bother trying to go down the night previous, she wouldn't have been surprised if the turtles had set up camp in said tunnel just to make sure she wouldn't slip by them.

Still, although she was in a sticky spot, April still had one card up her sleeve and that was the fact that Raphael's senses far surpassed his brothers. As soon as he heard or caught a whiff of their scent he would be gone or at least remain hidden. For such a big turtle, it was surprising he had maintained so much of his stealth over the years. Still if a twenty-some-foot turtle could sneak up on her, April had no doubt he could easily evade his brothers' detection.

Nonetheless, she was hardly in a good mood when she set out with the three turtles in tow. Their obvious delight at having caught her in the act of some form of notoriety or other clearly fueled them. However this situation panned out, April made a mental note to buy them something to keep them better occupied in the future. Obviously, Master Splinter wasn't keeping them busy enough.

Drawing nearer to the grate which led to her favoured entrance to the sub sewers, April's nerves began to spike. What if Raphael was daydreaming and didn't hear them coming? Or smell them? Or flat out notice them? How would he react if they came face to face after all this time? How would his brothers react? How would they all react to her being the missing link between their wanted – or unwanted in Raphael's case – reunion? Desperate to warn Raphael somehow, April went to open her mouth to make some unnecessary comment, when Leonardo, of all turtles, suddenly planted his hand over her mouth. Her scowl lost its ferocity under his own penetrating glare.

Shit.

Leonardo knew even more than he was letting on. One glance at his brothers told her that he must have told them to act as though they were on some jolly jaunt until just the right moment, and then they'd instantly switch to full ninja mode before April had a chance to do anything to jeopardize their mission. Now becoming borderline frantic, April closed her eyes and tried to summon what little Kraang ability she might have to send one thought, " _They're here! Your brothers are here!"_

Of course she could hardly expect a response, but although it was faint, she almost felt as though there was a slight presence in the darkness below. With the grate almost at her feet, April was determined to somehow tell Raphael to get out of there. However, Leonardo's grasp held firm preventing her from shouting and so she did the only other thing she could think of: she bit down, _hard_.

The second she broke the skin to receive a mouthful of Leonardo's blood, the turtle hissed, pulling his hand away. With the coppery scent of his blood wafting through the air, April declared loudly, "Serves you right, _Leo_! Holding me like that. You, _Donnie_ , and _Mikey_ should be ashamed of yourselves!" She was sure to emphasize each of their names. If that wasn't a red flag to Raphael she didn't know what was.

With their cover officially blown, Donatello and Michelangelo rapidly threw the grate aside before plunging into the sewers below, hoping to catch something. Meanwhile Leonardo snapped back at her, "Excuse me?! You're the one who's been hiding secrets from us!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." April hissed through her clenched teeth hating that she now was lying for Raphael. If he was still in ear shot she hoped he was thinking real hard about how he could make this up to her later.

A few minutes passed before Michelangelo and Donatello climbed back up through the hole. As Michelangelo slid the grate back into place, Donatello reported, "Sorry Leo. Nothing's there."

"Nothing?" Leonardo was finishing wrapping up his hand, "Not even a clue?"

"All that's down there is a giant pool of water, bro." Michelangelo sighed, "And who knows where that might go."

The eldest looked at the purple-clad turtle for answers, but Donatello merely shook his head, "Sorry Leo. I don't have any maps for the sub sewers or the plethora of subterranean tunnels I'm sure are down there. If anything or _anyone_ is down there, they would probably have the upper hand on us."

"Not yet they don't." Leonardo glared at April, "As long as she's with us, we have bait. We'll lure him out yet."

"Excuse me?!" April snapped, "I'm no one's bait!"

"Oh yes you are."

Leonardo nodded at Michelangelo who quickly wrapped his kusarigama chain around her, pinning her arms to her sides, "Sorry April." Freckled face frowned at her, "But if he's not coming out on his own we gotta do something."

Meanwhile, Leonardo had leaned over the grate and began to shout, "Hear that?! We know you're down there, Raphael! You want to see April don't you? I suggest you meet us down by the Hudson docks in an hour. It should be close enough to the sub sewer's river entrance for your liking."

Balking at the fact Leonardo had stooped to _threatening her_ to draw Raphael out, April yelled back, "Don't you dare listen to him, Raphael! It should be on your terms if you decide to come out or not!"

Leonardo's body became very still. Slowly he straightened before turning towards her. A different light was in his eyes though. Hardly threatening, instead it was filled with hope, "He really is alive then?"

Realizing the grave error she had just made, April slammed her mouth shut, but it was too late. Michelangelo's voice cracked from behind her, "Raph? You mean he's really down there, April? _Right now?!_ "

Donatello was shaking his head in disbelief, "After all this time… _He's so close_ …"

"Exactly." Leonardo regained his commanding tone, even if his eyes were a little bright from the threat of tears, "And if we want to have any hope of luring him out we got to get moving."

Michelangelo hoisted April up over his shoulder and followed after the eldest, "Aye captain!"

Their footfalls echoed as they left the chamber, but the area was hardly unoccupied. In the darkness, largely submerged in the water was a certain giant mutant turtle who had indeed witnessed everything. Warring between elation at hearing his brothers' voices after so long, fear at what they would discover if they did see him, and outright rage at what they had reduced themselves to in an effort to draw him out, Raphael dove back into the water. He decided to let the fury fuel his swim to sea.

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Sorry about that. Due to some guest reviews being somewhat sketchy in the past, I have my fanfic settings so that I need to review them before they can be visible to the greater public. So when I'm working I can't always check them right away. Thus, it looked like you didn't review when really you did. I appreciate your dedication to making sure I got your review though!**

 **Raigon: Yep next chapter. So close lol.**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha yeah there was no way she could keep up her adventures without one of the turtles eventually becoming curious. Even without the GPS data, her blowing them off almost every weekend was bound to raise some flags at some point. YESSSS! You are amazing! I am SO EXCITED!**


	13. Chapter 13

Growing Pains

Chapter 13

Upon arriving at the docks, the three turtles placed April on a crate in the middle of an open space before they began pacing the perimeter. They were on a large platform overhanging the water and knew that although open, it meant all parties would be able to clearly see each other. More than a little miffed at her current circumstances, April huffed, "I can't believe you guys are actually doing this."

"Yeah dude," Michelangelo paused his pacing to regard his older brothers, "Kidnapping our friend to see our brother, doesn't that seem a little messed up to you?"

"It's not a little messed up. It's _a lot messed up_!" April snapped.

"We aren't really kidnapping her, Mikey." Donatello consoled, "Even if he doesn't show up we're going to let her go."

"Wow how sporting of you." Their bait retorted, "You know who won't be so sporting? Raphael. Do you have any idea how pissed he probably is?"

"He's pissed?!" Leonardo gestured to himself and the others, "What about us? He's the one who ran off and made us spend the last eight years looking for him! We didn't even know he was still alive until an hour ago!"

"Yeah but that revelation only came at the price of _kidnapping_ _me_!" April hissed back.

"For the last time, we didn't kidnap you!" Leonardo cried back, "We're just using you as a bit of… _Incentive_."

"Yeah, that sounds like kidnapping to me, Leo."

All three turtles whipped their heads to the foot of the docks where they spied a quick flash of green, and even though, as they approached the edge, they could see nothing beneath the grimy surface, they knew without a doubt they had heard Raphael's voice.

"Where did he go?" Michelangelo looked nervously around.

April crossed her legs nonchalantly, "Oh you guys are in _so_ _much trouble_."

Leonardo rolled his eyes turning towards her, "Give me a break, April. He's our brother. We've seen his temper tantrums before. I doubt they're any worse now."

She shook her head, closing her eyes haughtily, "You have no idea what you're dealing with Leo. Raphael isn't what you remember him as."

"So he's a few feet taller," Leonardo snorted, "What's the big deal?"

"Um Leo…" Michelangelo's voice was oddly high-pitched.

Leonardo ignored the younger, "Not now, Mikey! Come on April, tell me what's so scary about Raph now?"

"I don't think April was kidding, Leo." Donatello's words sounded strangled.

"Well April?" Also ignoring said brother, Leonardo folded his arms, "I'm waiting."

Just as April opened her eyes, Leonardo became acutely aware of the shadow that had fallen over him and extended far past where the red-head sat. "Yo Leo."

April had to admit, the dawning expression of horror on Leonardo's face was pretty humorous from her point of view. As the eldest turtle slowly turned around, his eyes grew wider and wider. He then backpedalled several steps, "Oh good Lord."

Absolutely towering over him was nothing Leonardo could have ever anticipated. The turtle wasn't even fully out of the water and he was beyond colossal in size. Michelangelo and Donatello being firmly grasped in each hand only emphasized how puny the three of them were in comparison. The level of shit Leonardo was sitting in was juxtaposed by April's sunny greeting, "Hi Raph!"

Giant emerald eyes met hers and despite his current foul temper, he still had a grin just for her, "'Sup April? Glad to see dipshit here didn't do anything too stupid."

"I uh…" Leonardo continued to back up, "Oh boy… R-Raph… Y-you… _You are_ _huge_."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, _big bro_." Raphael's green eyes narrowed, "Now just to reiterate: it sounded like you had kidnapped April and by the looks of things," He nodded in her direction, "You've kidnapped April. So if it sounds like kidnapping and it looks like kidnapping, I'm pretty sure that means it's _kidnapping_."

"Well uh…" Leonardo's normally leaf green complexion blanched.

"Which begs the question," The behemoth leaned down, "Why the hell did you _kidnap my girlfriend_?"

"Y-your girlfriend?!" In his terror, the much smaller turtle tripped and fell onto his butt, "April's your g-girlfriend?!"

"Last time I checked." Raphael shot April a look and only she could see the subtle flash of uncertainty in his eyes, "We are still a thing right?"

April blinked in surprise at his words before ecstatically beaming up at him, "You bet we are! After all, we never did officially break up."

Inwardly, Raphael was just as elated as April was, "There you go, Leo. She's still my girlfriend."

Abruptly, Raphael tossed Michelangelo into the palm that held Donatello. At the youngest's yelp, their captor snapped, "That's for tying April up with you kusarigama chain." Then in another lightning fast movement, the giant whipped out his now free hand to grab Leonardo before the blue-clad turtle could even flinch. Fully growling now, Raphael lifted Leonardo to eye level, "Funny thing is, I pictured this reunion going a hell of a lot differently. For one thing: NO ONE KIDNAPPED MY GIRLFRIEND IN IT!"

Looking as though he were about to pass out at any second Leonardo could only manage, "Erp."

Raphael snorted, "Well that's a first. Never thought I'd see the day when you couldn't pull a pretentious lecture out of your ass."

"Go easy on him, Raph." April called from her crate, "As much as I'm pissed at him too, he did only just find out today that his brother's still alive."

Frowning down at the three quivering turtles in his grasp, Raphael closed his eyes briefly before releasing a huge exhale, "I know."

To the amazement of all but the couple, Raphael placed his brothers – surprisingly gently – onto the docks. While they were still stunned by this new development, Raphael scooped April up to deftly slice through her chains with one of his claws. After tossing the bindings into water, he lowered her back down, "Thanks Raphael."

He shrugged, "Don't mention it." Carefully, Raphael pulled himself fully out of the water to kneel on the dock. The creaking of the boards was more than a little unnerving and although the wooden platform did sink precariously low, the dock legs miraculously held. "What should we do about Wingus, Dingus, and their Leader over there?"

"I don't know." April folded her arms, "What were you thinking?"

However Raphael did not answer. Instead his brow was deeply furrowed for now that he was out of the water and on full display, his three brothers' jaws were slack as they out right gawked at him. Under their intense scrutiny, the giant turtle immediately began to fold in on himself while muttering, "This was a mistake."

"Raph…" April rushed over to where he knelt, but it was obvious now that his anger was abated, there was nothing to hold back his rush of emotions. When the red-head touched his wrist, the massive reptile visibly flinched. It was clear Raphael was nearing his limits and what normally would have been a calming gesture, became utterly overwhelming. Jerking her hand back, April whispered, "Oh Raphael…"

"Sorry, I…" Green eyes squeezed closed, "I gotta go."

He didn't even turn around. Instead he simply stepped back into the water. Finally, between the movement of the dock and the sound of the water sloshing, the brothers became aware of what was happening. Michelangelo broke out of his reverie first, "Wait Raph! Where are you going?!"

With both legs submerged but arms still lowering his torso, Raphael was practically forced to acknowledge the blur of orange and green as it shot into his field of view. That still did not prevent the larger turtle from averting his gaze away from his baby brother as he grunted, "Anywhere is better than here."

"Raph…" Michelangelo's bright blue eyes began to brighten, "Do you really hate us that much?"

"What?!" That spurred Raphael to redirect his glare to the younger, "Why would you think that?!"

"Raphael," Donatello tentatively walked closer, "You've been apparently avoiding us for the past eight years. How could we not think that?"

Something deep inside Raphael began to crack and it left him snarling, "Of course I've been avoiding you! How could I not? Don't you get it?" Suddenly, the giant turtle yanked himself back onto the docks, but instead of kneeling he rose to his full height. "Look at me! I'm a monster!"

Admittedly, it did not help that the three tiny turtles and April had to crane their necks back just to meet Raphael's glower. April herself felt more than a little distraught. She and Raphael had gone over this time and again, but she knew he simply could not find it in himself to believe her when she told him otherwise. Raphael fully and truly was convinced that he was a gigantic mutant freak. April knew when she was beat. She just couldn't help Raphael on her own. No matter how hard she tried, she just would never be enough.

"Y-you are rather tall, yes." Donatello gulped, "B-But that doesn't classify you as a monster."

"Oh?" Raphael crouched down to scowl at the purple-clad turtle, "Then what would you classify me as Donatello?"

"Well uh…"

As said turtle fiddled with his bo staff nervously, Raphael snorted, "Don't worry about it, Donnie. It doesn't matter. Either way I'm not fit to be your brother."

For a moment, there was nothing but stunned silence. What broke that silence was like a clap of thunder, " _How dare you_."

There, striding forward for all he was worth was Leonardo, his eyes a blizzard of fury, "How dare you have the gall to say that to us?"

At his elder brother's tone, Raphael began to growl lowly, but Leonardo stood his ground, "Don't you ever – _ever_ – say that again. We will _always_ be your brothers whether you like it or not. And don't you dare think that if you leave now we'll just let you go. We will hunt you to the ends of the earth a thousand times over if that's what it takes to finally bring you home."

"I hate to break it to you Leo," Raphael gestured to himself as he sneered, "I physically don't fit in the Lair – _your home_ – anymore."

"So what?!" Michelangelo planted himself at Leonardo's side, "We can _move_ , Raph. All that matters is that wherever we are, we are _together_."

"Or we could set up shop wherever it is in the sub sewers that you've been hiding out all this time." Donatello tapped his chin thoughtfully, "Mind, all that might be unnecessary if I can find a way to reverse your condition."

"Excuse me?!" Although he was still very much on the defensive, Raphael did lower himself onto all fours so that he was a little less towering. It wasn't much height wise but it spoke volumes to April who knew it was the first hint of Raphael's discomfort lessening. "First of all no one is crashing at my place," However, the giant turtle was still definitely uncomfortable, "And secondly," Huge emerald eyes zeroed in on Donatello, "What do mean _reverse my condition_?"

"Well uh," The reptile rubbed the back of his purple-banded head, "I'd have to run some tests, analyze some blood work, but if I could determine the origin of your growth mutation I could feasibly address the gene and alter-"

The behemoth cut him off, "Which means what Brainiac?"

Under the giant's intimating glare, Donatello yelped out, "I could fix you!"

"Fix me." Raphael turned away to briefly look at the distant skyline across the river, "Fix me…" However, as the seconds inched by, emerald eyes drew stormy. As they narrowed back in on the smaller turtles standing near where his hands supported him on the grimy salt-stained wood, Raphael's voice was lethal, "You want to _fix me?_ "

At his brothers' synchronized nods he laughed darkly, "You guys are something else you know that? All this time I've been hiding from you, not wanting to burden you with what I was becoming. Meanwhile, sure you've been looking for me, but within minutes of finally seeing me you automatically jump to "how can we fix him?" You assume I need fixing as though I've been broken this whole time. Well guess what? You can't just find me, flick a switch, make me small again, and say, "There! Everything's fixed!" Because everything is _not fixed_.

"I'm not one of Donnie's machines and I'm not some science experiment. You say I've always been your brother, but that's not really true is it? Do you know why? It's because this whole time you've been chasing after the past. This _brother_ you seek is a _memory_. A turtle who hasn't existed for over eight years. This," He waved to himself, "Is your brother now. Not that guy from before. The Raphael you once knew warped as he became this horrific version of himself; he didn't stay the same. _I couldn't stay the same._

"You want this turtle before you to be your brother? Well you can't just have him back. You have to take all the shit that resulted as he slowly grew into this freak, because even if do you shrink me, he isn't about to go away."

Raphael's speech had hardly gone unheard. Donatello and Michelangelo were exchanging anxious looks while April hugged herself knowing full well how much strain Raphael was under. Yet, it was Leonardo who was cut deepest by the turtle's words. His pain would be the trigger that caused him to lash out, "You are such an ass! Why can't you just let us help you?"

"See that's the thing," Raphael growled, "You're always assuming that I need help and that you know what's best."

"Oh and you do?" Leonardo retorted, "Hiding away for the better part of a decade? Right that really was a _brilliant_ idea."

"I was doing fine until you showed up!"

"Then why did you let April back into your life and not us?" The eldest hissed.

"I didn't have a choice!" Raphael snapped back, "If I didn't step in she would have been squirrelanoid chow."

"Fair enough." Leonardo's eyes were ice, "But if that's the case, why didn't you just shove her through a manhole when you had a chance?"

"Don't you think I tried?" The giant turtle's voice cracked in exasperation, "I tried to get her to take a hike, but for some insane reason she still likes being around me!"

"Considering you called her your girlfriend I think the feelings are mutual, Raph." The blue-clad turtle did not miss a beat.

"And if I do?" April didn't know how she felt about the fiery exchange between brothers, but she felt her heart flutter by Raphael's next actions. Up until this point, the three brothers had been standing side by side facing off against their massive sibling. April meanwhile had been slightly off to the side not really sure what to do after witnessing Raphael's obvious anxiety. Not wanting to make it worse, she opted to stay close but not so much as to potentially cause him to full out panic. However, after his fierce retort, Raphael adjusted himself so that he stood over April. He then planted his hand at her side in an obvious protective gesture. Yet, despite his earlier withdrawal, his digits now were tight against her side allowing her to lean against them for support. Feeling her cheeks blush, April looked up just in time to see Raphael give her the tiniest hint of a smile before he was glowering once more in Leonardo's direction, "So what?"

"Is she more important to you than your own flesh and blood?" Leonardo cried.

"Dude," Michelangelo turned on the eldest, "Are you _trying_ to make him ditch us again?"

"I'm not I'm-"

The freckled turtle lifted a hand cutting him off, "Enough bro, Raph's right. This reunion should not have gone this way. I didn't imagine us kidnapping April in it nor did I spend the last eight years dreaming of being at each other's throats as soon as we reunited. And now," Michelangelo pointed to the lightening horizon, "There's no time left to make it better."

At his baby brother's words, Raphael glanced over his shoulder before turning back to the group, "Shit. I really do gotta go. Unlike you three," he nodded down at them, "I have nowhere to hide up here. Once the sun's up I'll be on full display."

Leonardo folded his arms tightly against his plastron, "We're not done talking."

"Come on Leo," Green eyes rolled, "You know as well as I do that sunrise means it's time to split."

"Of course I know!" The eldest countered, "I'm not suggesting we stay here. I'm suggesting you let us follow you. Then we'll have all day to sort things out."

"Right…" Raphael knowingly quirked an eye ridge, "And if I do that you'll know where I live."

"Which means no more running." April squeezed Raphael's finger, "Come on Raph, you know its time."

Emerald eyes studied April's azure for several long moments before he finally sighed addressing the others, " _Fine_. You can come, but I'm not carrying you and you better keep up."

Then without further ado, he scooped April up and placed her on the rim of his carapace before sinking back into the water. The turtles only watched his gargantuan shell for a moment before grinning brightly at each other as they too dove in. As the sun rose over the river, there would be no signs of anything amiss on that quiet fall morning.

* * *

 **A/N So I am going away for a bit and probably won't have much access to a computer for the next week and a half, which unfortunately means a slight hiatus until then. When I return I will go back to my daily updates until the rest is published. At least I am not leaving you all on a major cliff hanger; although there are undoubtedly more than a few loose ends to tie up yet lol. Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing and giving me so much support for this fic! You guys are the best!**

 **Also, you all need to go check out SetoAngel01's tumblr because she drew the most amazing fanart for this fic and you need to go and love it!**

* * *

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Haha yeah… It was not the best plan Leo's ever come up with, but in his defense he was getting so desperate to just see his brother again. It's really so sad all around because they all obviously love each other very much yet they keep hurting each other… Oh the feels…**

 **SetoAngel01: Hello you lovely girl! I know I said it already but THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's only been a night and I still am head over heels in love with the fanart you did for me! So much love! I'm glad the emotion is coming across so strongly. I have so many serious feels myself for this fic (as you may have gathered lol)**

 **Raigon: Yes! This is always one of my goals: to do something that's been done before but in a totally unique way that still gets the feels flowing. It's def true though, it really comes down to it being Raphael's choice to show up or not, and he does know that and so does April. Said fact will also be discussed more later… But it is a very good observation to take note of because it is a significant decision for him to make on his part.**


	14. Chapter 14

Growing Pains

Chapter 14

The sight of Raphael alone was strange, but now with April clinging to his shell and his three brothers propelling themselves through the water not far behind, the quintet undoubtedly reached a novel degree of oddity. That is, if in the indigo pre-morning light someone apart from the party were present to witness the strange pilgrimage of creatures to the sub sewer entrance. However, such concerns were far from Raphael's mind. Riding atop his shell, April was well aware of the stiffness that rippled up from each stroke of the massive turtle's arms. She did not have to see those emerald eyes to know they were laced with inner turmoil.

Even his voice was taunt, clipped by unsaid words, "Gotta dive."

"Okay. Go for it." April tried to disguise her own unease as she replied before the foreboding darkness of the river entrance. Upon her inhale, naturally Raphael smoothly dove, but they both could feel the tension gradually accumulating. Yet, they still continued their journey, and all too soon Raphael was hoisting himself out of spring-filled lake near his den.

It wasn't surprising that the monolithic turtle had gained a slight lead on his brothers who were still paddling far out in the center of the subterranean pool, but April found herself leaning forward in question when Raphael did not immediately offer up his palm to lower her as was their typical custom, "Uh, isn't the ride over?"

The turtle struggled to speak before muttering, "Sorry."

When it was obvious no hand was about to be proffered, April tilted her head, "For what?"

Raphael glanced over to ensure his brothers were still out of earshot before scowling adamantly at the ground, "Didn't mean to flinch earlier."

"Oh Raph," Recalling how he had pulled away from her touch, April felt her eyes sting, but she understood, "You have nothing to apologize for. I can't even begin to fathom how hard this must be for you."

He snorted, "That's an understatement."

"So?" April noted the three turtles getting closer, "You going to put me down or…?"

"I…" Raphael frowned at the mutants pulling themselves out of the water, "I just…" Embarrassment eked into the words he quickly spat out, "I just need you close right now." He huffed, "Okay?"

Lowering her voice so the others wouldn't hear, April murmured, "Whatever you need Raph. You want me to stay put, I'll stay put."

"Thanks." The softness of his voice abruptly vanished as he turned to address the three small turtles at his feet, "We're almost there. This way." Nodding in the indicated direction over his shoulder, Raphael pivoted only to find the trio eagerly weaving between his feet as they rushed to the front. However although irritated by their actions, it was Michelangelo who caused him to halt. The youngest turtle kept walking directly underneath his chest plates precariously close to his right hand. Not in the least bit amused he growled, "Mikey, do you want me to step on you?"

"What?!" Jumping at both the larger's sudden stop and being addressed, Michelangelo's shell smacked into Raphael's wrist. "Eep." He rubbed the short orange tails of his mask, "Sorry dude. My bad."

Noticing the disruption Donatello and Leonardo retraced their steps while Raphael cocked an eye ridge as he inspected his baby brother, but it was the eldest who asked, "What's got you so jumpy?"

"Oh you know…" Michelangelo clearly looked uncomfortable as he continued, "Just thinking about where we are…" He poked his two index fingers together, "And what could be down here…"

"I've been thinking about that too." Donatello eagerly responded, "For instance, have you noticed the unique blue-green bioluminescence of these fungi? Definitely not your typical toadstool. I'm thinking they must be in the order Agaricales. Mind, although morphologically they resemble _Omphalotus illudens_ , their glowing colouration suggests they are more similar to _Omphalotus olearius_ , which is curious considering that species is more typical to Europe…"

Ignoring Donatello's commentary as he examined a particular specimen in fascination, Raphael lowered his head closer to Michelangelo's eye level, "Don't worry. The only thing to be afraid of down here is _me_." He then straightened and stepped over the freckled turtle, "Especially if you keep getting under my feet like that."

"Uh hello?!" Not convinced in the slightest, Michelangelo blurted out, "What about the squirrelanoids?!"

Raphael stiffened, petrifying in place as Donatello – obviously exhausted of his one-sided fungi discussion – pondered, "That's another thing. Didn't John Jackson that mayoral candidate get taken out by squirrelanoids only a few months ago?"

"Yeah…" Leonardo folded his arms, "He did. You'd think this place would be crawling with squirrelanoids if they were getting prolific enough to pull those kinds of stunts."

"See?!" Michelangelo waved his arms in exasperation, "I'm not off my rocker on this one! We should be worrying about those things!"

"In theory…" Donatello tapped his chin, "Mikey's right on this one."

"Yet," The eldest turtle frowned, "We haven't seen anything remotely squirrelly since we came down here."

"Which begs the obvious question." The purple-clad reptile continued, "Where are they?"

An awkward silence followed Donatello's words and was only heightened as the three turtles turned their attention to Raphael. Leonardo stepped forward, "What did you mean by "the only thing to be afraid of down here is _you_?""

Before Raphael could even begin to piece together an attempt at a pitiful explanation, April cut in, "Hey guys, can we talk about this later? I'm still sitting in wet clothes up here and could really use something hot to drink. Let's get to Raph's and then we can play catch up, okay?"

But Leonardo was not about to let this one go, "Raphael," He smoothly positioned himself between his massive brother and the tunnel beyond, "W _here are all the squirrelanoids?_ "

When Raphael refused to make eye contact in favour of boring his eyes into the ground, Donatello responded, clearly piecing together the truth as he spoke, "Wait… This is _your system_ isn't it?" Mahogany eyes pierced in April's direction, "Or rather, _Raphael_ is your system?!"

"What are you talking about Donnie?" Leonardo faced his purple-clad brother.

"Isn't it obvious?" Donatello folded his arms, "Raphael has been eating squirrelanoids."

"WHAT?!" Both Leonardo and Michelangelo blanched in unison while said accusing turtle continued, "I'm right. Aren't I?"

The behemoth ground out, "Yes."

For a second there was only condemning silence emanating from the surrounding reptiles, but then Leonardo's voice cut through the air, "Do you mean to tell me that all this time you've been ingesting mutagen?!" Any emotional control the eldest may have had vanished, "ARE YOU INSANE?!"

Raphael began to feel his own bright brand of heat pulsing through his blood, "Don't start Leo."

"Hold on," Leonardo's cobalt eyes widened, "You cannot seriously be considering defending your actions?! They're monster squirrels chalk-full of mutagen, Raph. What did you expect would happen?!"

"I'm warning you, Leo." Digging his claws in frustration into the rocky ground, Raphael's voice was unnervingly quiet, "Don't talk about what you don't understand."

"What's there to understand?!" The eldest was clearly on the brink of hysteria, "Mutagen makes monsters. It's not rocket science!"

" _That's what you think?"_ Raphael took a deep breath, "So I was right all along." Suddenly he plucked April off his back and placed her next to Michelangelo, "I was becoming a monster and now I am one."

Realizing his mistake, Leonardo tried to backtrack, "That's not what I meant. I meant-"

"Oh I know exactly what you meant, Leonardo." Raphael interrupted, "So, if I think I'm a monster and you think I'm a monster that must mean _I am a monster_."

April dashed forward, "No Raphael! That's not true and you know that's not what Leo meant! You are not a monster!"

"Don't touch me!" The giant turtle snapped, freezing April in place, "You were wrong April." He then addressed all of them, "Get out."

"W-What?" Michelangelo was twisting and retwisting his fingers together, "But we just got here, Raph."

"I'm not asking." His voice transformed into a snarl out of desperation after spying the heart-wrenching look Michelangelo was giving him, "If you won't leave. Then I'll make you leave."

"We're not going anywhere, Raphael." Leonardo retorted, "Not until we work this out."

"Fine." Emerald eyes narrowed, "I warned you." To even the expertly honed skills of his brothers, Raphael's movements were bewilderingly quick. However, the larger reptile had his siblings' experience as well as sheer size on his side, and both allowed him to catch all three turtles and April smoothly.

"Raph!" April cried, and although a subtle grimace crossed his face, Raphael did not answer. Instead, with April and Michelangelo in one hand, and Donatello and Leonardo in the other, the colossus stalked back down the tunnel towards the subterranean lake. With Leonardo practically sputtering by time they got to the shore, "What do you think you're doing?!"

Raphael continued to ignore any protests as he stepped into the water. When he was nearly chest deep, he ordered, "Inhale. We're diving."

The four had no choice but to do as requested, for only a moment later, Raphael dove beneath the surface. Earlier with his brothers in tow, he had swum far more slowly; however, now the turtle wanted nothing more than to get them all as far away from him as possible. It was with said startling speed that had the behemoth emerging at the river entrance in record time. Seamlessly dragging himself up from the depths, Raphael was then forced to sacrifice his grace in order to awkwardly crouch as he carried his prisoners on two legs. Finally, nearly bent double, the turtle dropped – albeit gently – his siblings and April at the mouth to the river. As he spun around he bit out, "Have a nice life."

However, despite his efforts, all four of his previous charges sprinted through his legs to plant themselves between the river's entrance and the vast subterranean monolith beyond. Raphael barked out flatly, "Move!"

April was practically emitting sparks, "Over my dead body!"

"Want to say that again?" Sinking onto all fours, Raphael brought his blazing green eyes inches from April's, "I'm the monster here, _remember_?"

Her azure stare was unfaltering, "No, you're not, Raphael."

Suddenly, Raphael's gaze broke away, but it was not because of April. In fact, all five party members turned their attention to Raphael's left triceps where at that precise moment a dart had just finished empting its contents into his arm. The larger turtle frowned out, "The hell?!"

However, not another second passed before a series of small whooshes could be heard from the cave's mouth. There, where the blazing beams from the rising sun had effectively disguised them, were a number of armed individuals. At the sound, Raphael abruptly shifted himself to protect the others at the expense of his skin being punctured by at least a dozen more sharp syringes. Cursing, the giant reptile snapped over his shoulder, "RUN!"

Following the sound of unsheathing weapons, Leonardo argued, "Not without you!"

Emerald eyes flicked over the stone entrance, but he knew from the smell that there were far more humans just outside the cave. They were probably at the ready for when the ones in the front lines fell. Feeling the drug start to diffuse into his veins, Raphael knew their options were dwindling. Desperate he called, "April knows the way." Before immediately body-slamming into the wall.

His years of living down below had served him well, for as soon as his shell collided with the stone, the roof began to crumble. He could hear the others fleeing back deeper into the tunnel and as his vision began to spin, he heard the eruption of the cave-in.

One glance over his shoulder told him that he had successfully sealed the tunnel beyond.

His family was safe.

April was safe.

And that was all that mattered…

Raphael fell to the ground.

He could think no more.

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 **A/N Sorry for the delay! I decided I wanted to do a few major overhauls on my original draft and between that and vacay I got behind ^_^;; Hopefully I'll be updating more regularly until the end. Thanks for all your support!**

 **PS I'll follow up with comments on the next chapter. I just didn't want to make you guys wait anymore!**


	15. Chapter 15

Growing Pains

Chapter 15

A wall of dust and debris was all that remained of the entrance of the tunnel. The turtles and April all tried to dislodge some of the rubble to get to the other side where Raphael was undoubtedly being captured – or worse, but no amount of shoving would remove the boulders necessary to make a safe voyage to the other side. With no other viable options available to them, the team were forced to do as Raphael had obviously wanted: dive back down into the subterranean labyrinth.

Since Michelangelo was now the largest of the remaining three turtles, April held onto the back of his shell while pointing the correct way as they veered throughout the maze of submerged tunnels. Admittedly, not that long ago April would have been no help in such a venture, but over the months Raphael had ensured that he showed April as much of his subterranean world as he could. It was mostly to help pass the time, but she knew he had also done it to help keep her safe; something that was surely rewarding his pragmatism now.

Although it did take the reduced party longer to get to the desired location, the red-head successfully navigated the group back to the spring-fed lake. From there, the turtles followed a soaking April wordlessly down a few more tunnels until they finally arrived at the precipice of Raphael's home. In the huge entry cave, the turtles gawked as they took in all of Raphael's craftsmanship. April could only shake her head knowing full well that if they were impressed by this they would be beyond flabbergasted by Raphael's carved spiral of memories. It was not lost on her that said cavern had been left ajar.

Now that April had seen his work, the giant turtle no longer had any reservations towards her returning to his personal gallery. In fact, more often he would end up blushing profusely on the many occasions he would find her in there alone – after he'd been out doing some task or another – simply gazing at his art. Then, there were the many times she would follow him inside so that she could work while he whittled away in the stone. It had become something special to both of them, and recalling the group's heated conversation before Raphael decided to physically throw them out left a vile taste in her mouth.

April knew why Raphael had acted the way he did and she could hardly blame him. Yet, when she thought about that cavern that had been carved out with such meticulous care and love she felt something deep within her core fracture. It felt so inherently wrong to her that Raphael genuinely considered himself a monster when he was the farthest thing from it. Everything he did was to protect those he loved and not even half-an-hour ago he had shown no hesitation whatsoever in sacrificing himself so that his family would be safe, even after Leonardo had spoken such cruel words.

Clenching her fists, April strode towards the middle tunnel leading to Raphael's bed chamber and pseudo kitchen. It took all of her control to keep her breathing even and not immediately begin yelling at the turtles who followed her. Upon entering the kitchen, April announced, "I'm going to get changed." Before stalking off to the little offshoot chamber that she had once hidden in the wall in order to weaken Raphael's resolve.

Long since then, April had brought down a suitcase of clothing and other necessities that she now kept beside his carving tools. Raphael had even somehow managed to build from his valuable stores of wood, a little chest of drawers for her. She had no idea how he had managed to use his large hands to do such delicate work, but she supposed the same mystery applied to his stone carvings.

Currently, after first pulling out a towel to dry herself, she was rifling through the top drawer to procure a pair of grey sweatpants and a red long-sleeved t-shirt. Satisfied with her blissfully warm and dry clothing, April returned to the previous room where the three turtles were still exploring. Donatello was examining one of the algae pools while Michelangelo had plopped himself onto Raphael's massive bed. Leonardo stood with his arms folded staring down into the ashes of the fire pit. He exhaled forlornly, "How could this have happened?"

April tutted, "Well maybe if you hadn't been such an asshole earlier we would be sitting here around a warm fire with Raphael instead of moping around his place without him."

"Don't be like that April," Donatello turned to Leonardo's defense, "You cannot tell me you weren't a little bit shocked to discover your boyfriend had a surplus of more than twenty feet on you."

"Of course I was shocked!" She retorted, "I'm not a robot Donnie! If you must know I even ended up fainting not long after our reunion." As Donatello opened his mouth to comment on this, April plowed adamantly on, "But, I also had spent the last seven years desperately looking for him. I didn't care what he looked like. All I cared about was that he was right there in front of me."

"Then why did you faint?" Donatello probed.

"Not because I thought he was a monster!" April countered, "It was just…" She sighed, "A lot to take in."

"Yeah well," Michelangelo spoke from where he sat on the bed, his voice somber, "Now he thinks we think he's a monster when we don't." He shot Leonardo a dark look, "Or at least I don't." Sky blue eyes fell back to his light green hands, "But now that he's captured…" No one dared to voice the possible alternative option, "He might always believe that." Michelangelo looked up with his eyes watering, "I mean think about it. What if we never see him again? We'll never get the chance to make things right!"

"We will see him again." Leonardo straightened, a new light seared into his expression, "I won't rest until we find him, and…" His own eyes shone, "I can't undo my mistakes, but I promise when we find him I'll do everything I can to repair the damage I've done. Raphael is no monster. He's my brother and I will always love him no matter what."

April still wasn't sure if she had fully forgiven Leonardo yet, but she did appreciate that he was at least taking steps in the right direction. Nodding at him she spoke, "Then what's the plan, Leo?"

"Ah well…" Leonardo rubbed the back of his blue-clad head, "How hard can finding a giant twenty-some-foot turtle be?"

"Based on our track record," Donatello snorted, "The eight-years'-worth-of-fruitlessly-searching kind of hard."

"True." Michelangelo rose from the bed, "But that was when Raphael didn't want us to find him. Now," He turned to April, "Do you think he'll just opt to disappear again if it means staying someone's prisoner?"

"I doubt it." April gave a tiny grin, "Raphael may not want us to find him, but he doesn't want to be anyone's pet either. Somehow I think his captors have bitten off more than they can chew."

"So you think he'll leave clues?" The youngest asked.

"Maybe not intentionally," She answered, "But he's not going to be hiding his tracks like before."

"Besides," Donatello was tapping his chin thoughtfully, "Now that I know he's been consuming squirrelanoid mutagen I can use my mutagen tracker to search for him. With the Kraang gone, Raphael's body probably gives off way more mutagen-specific radiation than anything else in the city."

"Good." Leonardo gestured to the others, "Then we need to get back to the Lair and pick-up Donnie's tracker. We'll start our search from there. April, do you know how to get to the main sewers from here?"

"Yeah, but it's a bit of a trek if we're going to avoid the squirrelanoids. With Raphael gone we don't have the same _leverage_ over them, which means we need to stay away from their primary turf."

"If I never see another one of those things I could die happy." Michelangelo muttered before brightening up, "Hey April, do you think if I asked Raphael would take care of the rest of them for me?"

April quirked an eyebrow as she led the turtles back to the entrance cave, "What? So now you're okay with him eating squirrelanoids?"

"I never said I wasn't!" Michelangelo retorted, "It was Leo who threw the hissy fit!"

"I did not throw a hissy fit!" Leonardo snapped. At the silence followed by three sets of eyes looking flatly at him, the eldest cowed, "Okay well maybe I overreacted just a little…" When the others remained still and continued to glare sardonically at him, Leonardo conceded, "All right, a lot, but us yelling at me isn't going to get Raphael back!"

"Maybe not," April faced the turtle, "But you and he need to have one heck of a chat when this is all over."

"Duly noted." Leonardo gritted his teeth at the ground, "For the record it's not like I intentionally meant to hurt him."

At the grimace of self-loathing the eldest turtle bore upon uttering his words, any previous ice April had felt towards Leonardo began to melt, "I know Leo and I'm… I'm sorry." When his questioning cobalt eyes met hers, April continued, "I've had the chance to learn and understand Raphael's perspective on all of this, but you haven't had that luxury." She bowed her head causing a tendril of red hair slide onto her face, "I'm quick to defend him but I know that there very much are two sides to this. Your struggles may be different, but you three have still suffered because of this."

As Leonardo clearly struggled to respond, Michelangelo stepped in, "No one's free of blame, dudette. We've all played a part in this. There's no doubt we all need to have a serious heart-to-heart with Raph, but none of us can do that until we get him back."

"Mikey's right." The eldest nodded, "Finding Raph needs to be our first priority. That said," He turned to April, "I fully intend on doing all I can to make this right when we do finally have him with us again."

April gave them a sincere grin of determination, "Then let's go get him back."


	16. Chapter 16

Growing Pains

 **A/N You do not have to pay heed to my ramblings at the end. They are just an update as to how/where things are progressing from here on out.**

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Chapter 16

"Let me get this straight."

The turtles and April had returned to the Lair, arriving to Master Splinter who immediately knew something was amiss. Undoubtedly, their rat Sensei wished to learn the root of their unease, but when Leonardo asked Splinter if they could call in Casey first, he showed admirable restraint and patience. However, as soon as the hockey vigilante came shooting over the turnstiles, the group quickly huddled around the common area to discuss what had just occurred.

At long last, April came clean to them about how she and Raphael had been seeing each other in secret for months, and although a little perturbed by this revelation, this was not what had Casey's hackles raised. No, his animosity was directed to the latter half of the story – a little more close to home and the present.

"After all these years," Casey continued, "You finally find Raph only to piss him off enough that he ended up running away _again_ to get _captured_?!"

"He didn't run away!" Leonardo bristled back, "He tried to kick us to the curb, and he only got captured because he insisted on caving in the whole tunnel!"

"Which he wouldn't have done if you hadn't laid into him the first chance you got!" Casey snapped.

"I didn't lay into him!" The blue-clad turtle glowered as he stood to face the human, "I doubt you would have been any more eloquent!"

"He's my best bud." The young man stood to face off with the turtle, "I would have known exactly what not to say."

"You saying you know him better than his own brother?!" Leonardo hissed.

"I don't need to say it." Casey jeered, "You just said it for me."

"Enough!" Master Splinter struck the base of his cane against the floor, "Your bickering does nothing but waste precious time which could be used to rescue your brother before any further harm comes to him. Donatello, you said you may have a way to track him?"

"Hai Sensei," Said addressed turtle pulled out his mutagen tracker, "When the Kraang left the earth they took all their mutagen stores with them. As a result, my tracker can now pick up smaller mutagen signals that before were impossible to separate from the Kraang silos. Since Raphael has consumed such a large amount of mutagen these last few years he should give a fairly clear signal."

"Chasing down mutagen, just like the old days." Casey grinned as he plopped back onto the couch, "Well if it'll lead us to Raph, then I'm in."

"We shall all go." Master Splinter announced, "I will wait no longer to see my son again."

"Alright," April stood, "But if we are all going, you all need to can it when it comes to Raphael's appearance. Got it?" She gave a pointed glare to each turtle, "Let's get him to safety. Then and only then _, if he is willing_ , you can mention it."

"April is right." Splinter looked them all over, "From what I understand, Raphael has sustained far more damage internally than physically. His outward appearance may attract your attention, but do not forget the real wound lies deep within his spirit. Even if his growth could be reversed, I highly doubt he could simply resume his life as it once was. You will keep this in mind when speaking with him in the future. Do I make myself clear?"

"Hai Sensei." The three turtles bowed their heads to look at the floor. It was clear the brothers felt profound guilt for what had come about as a result of their actions. April meanwhile gave a grim nod while Casey jumped up, "Well what are we waiting for? Let's get this show on the road!"

* * *

 **A/N Ha look at me go! Two updates in one day! Actually, I do have a huge chunk of this thing written I just have had to do some serious rearranging and editing. Plus, I've had to write the kind of imperative yet less exciting (at least to write anyway) "transition" chapters. Never mind the numerous chapters I've rewritten from scratch a bunch of times. 14 so far has been the worst. Took three fresh writes on that one and each was several thousand words… Ugh. I am glad I did, but I still hate throwing away hours of work like that.**

 **Any who, long story short I did a fresh outline, and this thing is only about at the half-way mark. So it'll be likely around 30 chapters and although not ironed out, I have at least a good 10,000 words of stuff written and waiting to get published. Only problem is since I'm me and my brain is ridiculous I haven't written them in order. So I have a bunch of end chapters done and the next few and then a bunch missing here and there. The ideas are all in my head I just gotta get them down ^_^;;; and put them in order… Ahahaha…ha…ha… But it is happening!**

 **Sorry for my rambling, but I wanted to update you on my progress especially given my lack of consistent updating this past month. I start classes again on the 22** **nd** **though and so I am bound and determined to get this thing done before then because I'll essentially be on hiatus once that happens. I'll still write and publish when I can but my time will be quite limited.**

 **Also… Can I just say I've officially passed over 400,000 words published on TMNT fanfiction! CRAZY! Thank-you so much for all your patience and support. I definitely couldn't have done it without such wonderful fans. You guys are the best! Hugs!**

* * *

 **Now, to my lovely reviewers who I did not mean to ignore for so long:**

 **Nichalia: I know! So many feels! Thx for reviewing, I am glad that I've managed to surprise you with how things have developed :)**

 **Mystergirl217: Oh goodness, thank-you so much! It always makes me so excited to see that others are enjoying my crazy ideas! Thank-you so so much for reading and reviewing :D**

 **angel897: Thank-you for reviewing! I am glad you are enjoying it!**

 **Cloud u: Thank-you so so much! I am thrilled you took the time to read my fic and that you are enjoying it so much! It def is a little out there in some ways, but it still is chalk full of feels (at least for me) and some themes that I think really hit close to home. I hope you continue to enjoy it and thank-you so much again for taking the time to leave me such a wonderful comment!**

 **StitcherBell: Yes… I def have made Leo a little bit harder to deal with so far in this fic. I know he's acting out of hurt, but alas his pain is just causing him to lash out and do more damage. He and Raph def have a lot to talk about when things calm down. Sorry for making you wait so love for updates! I really appreciate your patience and still faithfully taking the time to read and review when I do! You are the best!**

 **SetoAngel01: AHHHHH Gosh girl, you always leave me such epically long and beautiful reviews! I do not deserve such love! You spoil me so! Like I said above, I have so much left to publish and so much is written I just have to write the rest haha. I am going to really focus and do my best to get it done before I go back to school though! It is my goal for sure.**

 **It's true, April definitely is and will continue to be a conduit for all of this. If it weren't for her none of this would be possible. Alas, it is also equally true that Raph has been affected far deeper than initially thought. I admit when I first began this I had a relatively simple solution in my head, but as I began to write and hash out the characters' development and feelings I quickly realized there was no way it would realistically be that easy. Eight years IS a crazy long time and this whole thing has been beyond traumatic to not just poor Raphael, but all of them. It's truly heart-breaking on so many levels.**

 **Also yes, I had an awesome vacay although it was crazy busy and then when I got back work was crazy busy and thus I kinda fell behind… Ahaha I guess that's how life goes sometimes. Oh well. I'm back now and am going to pump out as much as I can!**


	17. Chapter 17

Growing Pains

Chapter 17

When Raphael awoke it was to a splitting headache and an aching body. For several long moments he couldn't even fathom opening his eyes. Yet, as the events from before began to dribble into his mind, his eyes flew open only for him to close them abruptly after being nearly half-blinded by the fluorescent lights overhead. Audibly groaning, he creaked them open again and slowly widened them trying to figure out where the hell he was.

He was in what appeared to be a giant warehouse, which really wasn't all that surprising considering his captors would have trouble fitting him anywhere else. Raphael tried to look around, but then became horribly aware that he could barely turn his head, or move his feet, or his hands, or frankly any part of him. It wasn't for lack of effort on his part, but apparently his kidnappers had taken every precaution they could.

If Raphael had been able to get a better look, he would have discovered he was in some kind of modified metal head gate. The shoot had the sides squeezed in tight against his shell and each one of his limbs was chained to a pillar at each corner. There also was a hydraulic metal platform that had been raised; so pressing against his plastron, he was lifted a hair's breadth from the floor. It was just enough so that he could not get his footing and thereby muster the strength that could potentially free him. It did not help that a similar platform was crushing down against his carapace. With the head gate locked on either side of his neck, leaving his head with a much depleted turning radius, he knew that his current situation definitely fell under the "not good" category.

Green eyes narrowed as Raphael mentally ran through his options. He could cry out, but whether it was to call for help or to curse, neither would likely be helpful. Deciding the physical route seemed more appealing anyway, the giant turtle gritted his teeth and began attempting to pull his limbs towards his core. After several intervals lasting several seconds and receiving no give whatsoever, Raphael was left panting in building frustration.

Hanging his head to glare at the floor, he only lifted his gaze when the sharp clicking of heels came to his attention. From the far wall, a set of doors opened admitting a sleek dark-haired woman dressed in a three-piece black suit. Behind her followed a younger lady in a fitted skirt and blouse scribbling away at a tablet in her hands. Accompanying them were four armed guards and a man who bolstered a tripod and camera.

Hardly pleased, Raphael called out, "Hate to disappoint, but National Enquirer ain't looking for any more human dolls, Barbie."

Although her groupies looked nervously in his direction, the dark woman didn't even grant him a glance, "Mr. Tyler, does this lighting suit your purposes? I wish to have the best photographs taken to attract our most lucrative of bidders."

Said photographer responded, "Is there any way you could dim the lights in the far corner there?"

"Yes, of course!" A perfectly manicured hand gestured to one of the guards, "Mr. Smyth, would you please?"

"Yes ma'am."

As said guard marched off to the nearest light switch, Raphael jeered, "Oh a photo shoot. If I'd known I would have gotten my shell waxed."

When the lights dimmed, the woman turned to the photographer again, "Better?"

"Yes, much." The man, Mr. Tyler, then went about setting up his tripod and gear.

"Madelyn," The woman addressed the younger girl, "Please draft a list comprising of some of our most esteemed buyers. Oh and of course don't forget Mr. Summers; I know he would love this particular specimen."

Grinding his teeth, Raphael glared down at the woman, "Specimen? Look lady, I have a name."

"I imagine you do." At last the woman graced him with a reply as she signed a check, "I just have no need or desire to know it." She handed the form to Mr. Tyler, "For your trouble. I hope the bonus guarantees your discretion."

"Very generous of you Mrs. Semper." The photographer grinned at the paper in his hand.

"Wow," Raphael glared, "Everyone here gets a prefix except your girlfriend there and me. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, Maddy."

As Madelyn's cheeks bloomed scarlet, Mrs. Semper gave a sigh of long suffering, "Incur your displeasure for your predicament towards me all you desire, but know this," Ebony eyes lashed onto Raphael's own, "I have no tolerance for any bullying towards my employees."

"Bullying?!" Raphael barked in laughter, "You're the one who stuck me in the cage lady!"

"Mr. Rodney," Mrs. Semper waved a hand at the tallest guard's direction, "I believe now is an ideal opportunity to demonstrate the new voltage we installed in your shock stick don't you?"

"Yes ma'am." The man nodded to his superior before he drew a pole much similar to Donatello's bo staff, from his back. However, unlike his brother's weapon of choice, this one was fitted with an apparatus that began emitting electrical sparks.

"You have got to be kidding-" Raphael didn't finish his sentence. Instead his whole body seized from the immense current that was passed into him when the guard struck his arm with the glorified taser. After several horrendously long seconds, the man withdrew the staff.

He turned to Mrs. Semper, "Again ma'am?"

"No," She turned back towards the photographer, "That will do. I doubt he has much tolerance for these things and I wish him to remain conscious so we do not waste Mr. Tyler's time."

Recovered from his seizing, Raphael growled, "Just try me lady. I can go all day." At Mrs. Semper's stiffening spine he groused further, "Admit it. You're not worried about what happens to me." Emerald eyes caught Madelyn's fearful brown amongst her pale skin, "It's Maddy here you're more worried about. Bet she pisses herself any second now."

"You do have a way with words, I'll grant you that." Mrs. Semper pivoted on the spot before casually walking towards Raphael, her heels' clicking echoing as she went. "But, for all your bravado I know you are scared, as you should be."

A foot away, she paused to consider him while Raphael glared down at her, "You should be the one who's scared because when I get out of here I'll rip you limb from limb."

"See that's where you are mistaken," She took the proffered taser staff from Mr. Rodney, "You will never "get out." You will be sold and you will undoubtedly be an amusing spectacle for whomever decides to purchase you, but you will never be free again." Then she brushed the pole along his metallic prison causing every inch of it to conduct electricity into his body. Finally, when he was sure he was about to black out, she withdrew the pole and returned it to the guard.

Still feeling small remnant currents jolting through him Raphael could not help from continuously twitching randomly. When he regained control of his mouth he hissed, "Big words for the girl with the shock stick. Let's put you in a cage and zap you a few times and see how you do."

"Very amusing," Her laughter tittered like clatter of bells, "It is so obvious you have depleted your options yet you still cling to your delusion of freedom." Her grin faded into a contemplative look, "Yes, I imagine you will fetch a high price indeed. Madelyn, be sure to send Mr. Gomez an invitation as well. He always was fascinated with a _challenge_." She then stepped back to regard the photographer, "Are you ready to proceed, Mr. Tyler?"

"More than ready," He grinned displaying yellowing teeth in her direction, "I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of beginning the shoot during your _conversation_. Of course I angled it so you were removed from the field of view, but I could not resist capturing the beast's aggression. He has lovely incisors, especially when bared."

Realizing he was already on film, Raphael began to feel the first drop of panic. He buried it in favour of immediately jeering, "I have _lovely incisors_?! What are you a dentist?"

The photographer ignored him, "And his eyes… Almost _hypnotic_ in their _intensity_... And their _sincerity_."

Thoroughly creeped out by the man's tone, Raphael directed his attention to Mrs. Semper who held her chin with her thumb while tapping her cheek with her index finger. Seeing her in such apparent deep thought did not make him any more comfortable. After a pregnant silence she responded, "Yes, Mr. Tyler, he is quite the compelling specimen, a true diamond in the rough."

He was waiting for it. The moment when she demanded where the others like he were. Yet it never came. Instead, the photo opt continued until Mr. Tyler was satisfied. Only then, without a second glance, the troop piled out of the room leaving Raphael to his restless thoughts. He needed to get out of there, and he needed to do it fast.

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Yes, I am glad everyone is together now too! All they need is Raph and they'll be whole at last! Thanks for reviewing!**

 **Nichalia: I really like Leo too… I feel a bit guilty about all the flack he's been getting lately, but on the other hand I too feel it's necessary and deserved. So many hard feelings to deal with lol. Thanks for reviewing!**

 **SetoAngel01: I know! I want them all to be together again so badly too. They've been incomplete for far too long. Le sigh as for Leo… Part of me feels so bad for giving him so much flack lately, but I also know it's kind of deserved but then I know he also has suffered so much in his own way. Still, you can't say some of the things he did and not expect any repercussions no matter how much you didn't mean to say it. In other words, so many feels to come yet lol. Thanks for reviewing hun! You are da bomb!**


	18. Chapter 18

Growing Pains

Chapter 18

The whole place reeked of bad news. After determining the site where Donatello was positive Raphael was located, the group gathered what recon they could about who owned the building and what their motives were. What they discovered was more than a little disconcerting. Apparently, the owner of the facility and undoubtedly the primary motor behind the entire operation was a woman named Eva Semper.

The revelation of her identity left them all balking, for she was the head of the opposition party for the upcoming mayoral election and since the unfortunate demise of John Jackson, a shoe in for victory. This was especially all the more assured since the News conference she gave earlier that morning. In it she valiantly declared her resolve in hunting down and exterminating the mutant menaces of the New York sewers which had claimed her noble opponent's life. It was a brilliant play. Hitting hearts of all those who had watched the broadcast, Semper was left all that much further ahead in the polls.

As they huddled on a rooftop nearby, Michelangelo speculated, "You don't think she planned Raphael's entire capture around this do you?"

"Based on the evidence, it would appear likely." Donatello commented as he pattered away on his keyboard.

"You think she's going to hold another News conference and expose him?" April's eyes were wide with worry.

"That seems the obvious thing to do." Leonardo folded his arms in thought, "But they've had him for over fourteen hours now, and she's hardly been shouting her success from the rooftops. So what is she waiting for?"

"Perhaps there is more at stake than a mere election campaign." Master Splinter stroked his beard as he continued, "And maybe she views Raphael as a bargaining chip in these different ventures."

"So she's waiting for the last few pieces to fall into place?" April frowned, "What on earth could they be?"

"Does it matter?" Casey huffed impatiently, "We're here to get Raph out. Once that's done what's there to worry about?"

Donatello sighed in exasperation, "What we need to worry about is how determined these people are at keeping Raphael in their possession, Jones. Otherwise we could get him out just to have him recaptured again, and the way things are looking," His mahogany eyes narrowed at his screen, "With all these sewer search parties planned, even the Lair may no longer be safe."

Michelangelo turned concerned blue eyes onto his immediate older sibling, "You mean we have to leave town, D?"

"This Semper woman has turned it into a witch hunt." Donatello growled, "Apparently she wasn't too pleased about our escape this morning, and now with the whole city backing her it'll only be a matter of time before she flushes us out."

"Which means our plan has now gone from break Raph out and go home to break Raph out and flee the city." Leonardo shook his head in realization of their quickly changing reality, "So where are we going to go? Keep in mind we now have the challenge of hiding a giant Raphael."

"My family's place in North Hampton was safe before and the farm is huge. Not only that, but even outside our property there isn't a soul around for miles." April tapped her chin in thought, "If we could get Raphael there we could easily hide him. I bet he'd fit in the barn too."

"Only problem," Michelangelo sighed, "How are we going to get him there? He's not going to fit in the Shell Raiser."

"I hadn't thought of that…" The red-head replied.

"Besides," Leonardo continued, "The Shell Raiser is too conspicuous anyway. We could hardly just drive it without someone getting suspicious."

"Hold on guys," Casey gestured around, "We're in the industrial part of town right? I'm sure there's got to be some empty fifty-three foot trailers kicking around here. We just need one of those and an engine and we're golden!"

"No we're not," Donatello returned flatly, "If we steal one we're bound to get pulled over and then we'd be in an even worse position."

"Who said anything about stealing?" Casey rolled his eyes, "Come on Don, remember those tractor units we fixed up a few months ago? We got their truckers out of a pretty big pinch on super short notice. Plus some of those guys are pals of mine. I bet I can pull a few strings and get us hooked up." He rose as he pulled out his phone and began dialing, "You get Raph out and I'll meet you here. Just give me a shout when you're ready."

"Alright, we'll leave you to it Jones." Nodding in affirmation of Casey's offer, Leonardo addressed the others, "Let's get a move on guys. I want to be out of here well before daybreak."

* * *

 **A/N That moment when you realize you know nothing about semi-trucks and have to submit yourself to researching them for the sake of your fanfiction…**

* * *

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **SetoAngel01: Haha that's cuz Raph is the king of sass XD It's one of the reasons why I love writing for him so much. Thx so much hun 3 3 3**

 **Kanae Yui: Yay! I have been trying to make up for my lack of updates! I am thrilled to see a new reviewer too! Thank-you so much for taking the time to read and review :D**


	19. Chapter 19

Growing Pains

Chapter 19

He had been alone for hours now. Raphael hardly missed the company, but his stomach was far from happy about its barren state. Never mind how he could barely feel his legs and was pretty sure his head was bound to split at any moment given the headache that continually sawed between his temples. A few times he had tried to doze off, but to no avail. Even if he could somehow contort into a comfortable position, the anxiety pertaining to his current situation was not about to provide him with relief anytime soon.

Of course he had tried for hours to somehow break free of his bindings, but he just couldn't get the position needed to properly pull against the chains. His captors had clearly been thinking when they designed his prison. As he hung his head in exhausted frustration, his eyes suddenly widened as a scent wafted by. Raising his face he flared his nostrils trying to get a better whiff in order to confirm if it truly was what he thought. When he caught another inhale of the smell, he could hardly dare to believe it could be her.

Yet as his ears strained to hear a hint of movement, his insides began to curl in apprehension. After how he had treated her, why would she bother to come for him? When he caught another scent of a more reptilian nature he found himself even more distraught. They of anyone especially had no reason to risk their necks to save his skin. Overwhelmed, Raphael squeezed his eyes closed only to immediately hear an all-too-familiar near-silent padding of feet. When they came to a stop directly below his head, he couldn't help himself. He peeked as he exhaled, "April."

She grinned softly up at him, "Guess I still can't sneak up on you."

Raphael shook his head as much as his cage allowed, "Why are you here? You shouldn't have come."

Before she could respond, he felt a brush on his hand. Glancing as much as he could to the side and using his nose to guide him, he instantly knew Michelangelo was there. The youngest peeped quietly from where he knelt examining Raphael's binds, "And leave you here to the psycho politicians? No way bro."

"Mikey…" Raphael didn't even know where to begin.

April just continued to smile up at him, "He's right big guy. You're stuck with us whether you like it or not."

Not sure what to say to that, Raphael instead diverted his attention to his left hand where Michelangelo had been dutifully picking the lock on said appendage's chain. He heard a tiny click and felt the metal bindings fall away. Finally reunited with movement in at least one of his limbs, he lifted his arm but instead of relief, he was met with agonizing pins and needles as his blood began to freely circulate again. He hissed, "Damn that stings."

"Sorry Raph," Michelangelo apologized as he began to pick the lock on the right hand, "I still got three more to go."

Flexing his left fingers Raphael grumbled, "At this rate I doubt I'm going to be able to stand even when I am free of this thing."

Watching the giant turtle wince again upon his right hand's release April went to the previously freed left hand and began kneading at the muscle beneath his scales, "You're going to have to Raph. As soon as Leo, Don, and Sensei finish up on their end we're going to need to book it."

Trying not to blush at how nice it felt to have her massaging his sore fingers, Raphael focused on her words, "W-wait. Sensei is here?!"

"Course he is dude," Michelangelo set to work on the right foot, "There's no way we could keep him away even if we wanted to. He can't wait to see you."

Neither April nor the lock-picking turtle missed the wave of tension that went through Raphael's body. The red-head tried to reassure as she turned her ministrations to the other hand, "It'll be okay Raph."

"I sincerely doubt that." Raphael muttered before cringing as another chain fell off, "He's going to take one look at me and wish he hadn't come."

"Raphael!" April admonished from where she stood, "How can you say that? He's a father who wants more than anything to just see his son again."

"Yeah _his son_." Emerald eyes hardened, "I'm not the turtle he remembers."

"So you've told us." Michelangelo snapped with surprising vehemence from the last leg, "But it wouldn't hurt to put a little trust into us Raph. At least give us the chance to prove you wrong."

As Raphael opened his mouth to retort, April countered, "Don't go off the deep end about Leo either. He wants to make amends more than any of us." She then gently hugged his thumb, "Please just give them a chance Raph."

Emerald eyes met azure before Raphael sighed, "It's not like I meant for things to turn out the way they did."

"No one ever means for things to turn out badly, bro." Michelangelo spoke softly, "We all had the best intentions. Still, sometimes when those intentions mix they end up getting put on the wrong course, and people get hurt even though no one intended for it to happen. That's just how life is, but if you ever hope to forgive and begin again, you need to keep in mind that most people – especially your family – don't get up in the morning planning on how many people they can screw over before lunch."

Right as the final chain link fell, a steady voice came from across the room, "Very wise words Michelangelo. It seems Raphael is not the only one of my sons who has matured." Raphael's eyes widened as he watched the rat walk towards him. Even as Splinter continued to speak the giant turtle held his breath, "Raphael, I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you."

With the chains free, April and Michelangelo were able to lower the platform below his plastron and pull open the head gate, allowing Raphael to step freely into the open. His steps were ginger – for his limbs still had a long way to recover from their incapacitation – but no matter how slowly he moved there was no hiding his enormous size from his master, "Sen-Sensei… I…"

Master Splinter cut Raphael off by striding purposely forward and wrapping his arms around the turtle's forelimb, "Raphael, oh how I've missed you, _my son_." Completely overwhelmed with his father's emphasis on the last two words, almost as soon as Splinter's soft fur touched his wrist, Raphael could not help but scoop up his Sensei. With both hands the turtle gently pressed the rat against his scaly neck. Splinter chuckled softly as he embraced as much of his son as he could, "It seems in my old age I have shrunk."

Half-laughing and half-sobbing, Raphael curled his face against his father's furry head, "It's okay Sensei; I think I've grown a little bit."

As the two embraced, Michelangelo and April stood side-by-side smiling at the reunion. It was almost on cue as Raphael finally lowered Master Splinter that Leonardo and Donatello came ripping through the nearby doors, "Guys!" The eldest had his katana drawn, "We gotta bail. Donnie's reset the alarm system, but that has only bought us five minutes."

"Not to mention my sleeping gas should be wearing off any time now," The purple-clad turtle fretted behind his bo.

Suddenly more than aware of his situation, Raphael addressed his newly arrived brothers, "Leo, Donnie, they got me on camera. They took a whole swack of pictures a few hours ago."

"And aren't you glad you have a brother who thinks ahead?" Donatello brandished a memory card at his sibling, "Everything they had is on here." As Raphael opened his mouth said turtle waved him off, "Don't worry I checked their computer system. They hadn't uploaded them yet."

Immensely relieved, Raphael gave his brother a genuine grin, "Thanks Don."

"Don't mention it." The addressed sibling smiled back.

"We can talk about this stuff later." Leonardo demanded attention again, "Right now we got to go! Casey's out back waiting for us."

"Casey's here?" Raphael obediently followed his elder brother as he led him to the other side of the warehouse where Michelangelo had already begun opening the garage doors, which would get his massive sibling out.

Leonardo returned over his shoulder, "Yep and he's got our ride to North Hampton ready to go."

"North Hampton?" Raphael froze before the exit, "I'm not going to North Hampton."

"Yes you are," April pushed at Raphael's hand urging him forward, "The sewers are crawling with people on the hunt for mutants and none of you can go back there safely right now. The best solution we have is that you hide upstate until things cool down."

Frowning about this news but registering the urgency in her voice, Raphael allowed himself to move again. That is, until he spied their so-called "ride" out of there, "Oh hell no."

"Raph! My man!" Casey punched the giant turtle on the knuckles, "Good to see you got out of jail!"

"It's good to see you too Casey…" Raphael tried not to allow himself to be overwhelmed at yet another reunion in favour of focusing in on the trailer he was being guided towards. "There is no way I'm riding in that thing all the way to North Hampton. You may as well stick me back in that damn cow shoot."

"Raph," April was pushing at his hand again, "We don't have time for comfort. You need to get in!"

Looking doubtfully in the back, he turned to the group of them, "The only way I'll fit is if I lay on my stomach the whole way."

"We all got to make sacrifices, man." Casey thumbed at Michelangelo, "I gotta sit up in the cab with this guy, and have you gotten a whiff of his BO lately? Seriously," The vigilante shook his head at the youngest turtle, "Even I bathe more than you do."

"I bathe!" Michelangelo retorted, but Raphael barely heard.

Instead he was grumbling inarticulately as he attempted to crawl into the claustrophobic space, "This is too small…" As his carapace scraped on the ceiling he grouched, "Way too small."

Yet any hope he had of backing out was deterred when Master Splinter threw out one of his more _persuasive_ commands, "Raphael, if you do not relocate yourself fully into Mr. Jones' trailer I will not hesitate to help you, but rest assured it will be far less pleasant for the both of us."

Swallowing any other cutting remarks he may have had, Raphael began to wiggle his way into the trailer. Miraculously he managed to wedge himself within the space allotted to him before huffing, "There. You happy?" Not listening for a response, he sank his head onto his folded arms, closing his green eyes while he mentally began to prepare for the worst ride of his life. However, before the trailer doors were closed, he heard footsteps. Easily catching her scent he sighed, "You don't have to pity me by riding back here you know."

"I'm not pitying anyone." He opened his eyes to see her sitting with her legs crossed beside his right elbow, "There's only room for five up in the cab. So I volunteered to sit back here. I figured you'd prefer my company over say Leo's?"

Raphael snorted, "Touché." Before his face became solemn, "Or maybe you just want to be the first to chew me out."

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little hurt by what happened." April closed her eyes and shook her head, "But this isn't about me. It's about you."

"Now you're making me sound like a selfish prick." The turtle scowled.

"No," She gave him a hard look, "Not a prick, but you should be selfish. At least when it comes to this."

Raphael quirked an eye ridge, "And how do you figure that?"

"You're the one with the most pressing needs right now, and if making said needs a priority makes you selfish then so be it."

"What needs?!" He objected, "I don't have any needs!"

"Oh don't give me that Raph!" April rolled her eyes, "You and I both know when you face your family again there will have to be some boundaries if we want any hope of not having a total emotional apocalypse."

"Emotional apocalypse?" Raphael mocked, "This isn't _Oprah_ , April."

"Just because you insist on pretending they don't exist doesn't make it any less true." She glared, "The fact of the matter is you have some serious anxiety when it comes to this and you can't expect it to just go away by ignoring it."

"So what if I do?!" Raphael snapped back, "I bet anyone in my position would be freaking out right now!"

"Exactly!" The red-head waved her arms in exasperation, "You're freaking out because you have needs and that includes boundaries!"

"And what pray tell do you mean by _boundaries_?"

"I don't know." April huffed back, "You tell me."

Raphael jerked a clawed thumb at himself, "Me?" Before pointing at her, "This whole "boundaries" thing is completely your idea, O'Neil."

Bemused, the red-head contemplated the massive claw inches from her chest a moment before pulling herself to her knees and placing her elbows onto its smooth surface. With her cheeks in her hands she grinned coyly up at him, "I might have been the one to articulate it, but you've certainly been thinking it."

Gaping at her bold action for a split-second, a smirk quickly slid onto his face, "If you're so good at reading my mind, why don't you tell me?"

"Because then you wouldn't learn anything." She lowered one arm to run circles over the hard keratin with her finger.

"Right…" Carefully readjusting his other arm, Raphael brought his left hand behind April before poking her lightly in the back. Slowly withdrawing his right hand at the same time, he forced her to shimmy closer to him, "You know, I think you just want to see me squirm, O'Neil."

"Considering you have claws on either side of me, I hardly think you're the one squirming Raph." April raised a knowing eyebrow at him.

"Physically maybe." He continued to prod her closer, "Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No." She returned flatly, "Why? Are you trying to?"

"No I'm not." Raphael moved his face closer and pulled away his right hand. With nothing between them he gently bumped his beak against her, "But I do want to say I'm sorry."

Placing her hands on his cheek bones she sighed, "I know you are, and I forgive you."

"You're too nice to me." He nuzzled her lightly, "I'm a total ass to you and you don't even bat an eyelash. You should be mad at me."

"I should, should I? I must have missed the memo." She kissed his beak softly, "Does that make up for my negligence?"

Raphael rolled his eyes, "See? This is what I mean."

Leaning her forehead against the bridge of his nose, she sighed, "Look Raph, believe it or not you are entitled to your feelings. This is a difficult thing you are going through, which means you will react accordingly. That is what happened earlier and I refuse to hold it against you because I know deep down you didn't mean it." She pulled away to look at him in the eyes, "Right?"

Raphael exhaled before brushing his lips over her hair, "No. I didn't mean any of it."

April smiled up at him before standing on her tip toes to press her lips against his. Perhaps it was not as physically intense, but the gesture was still profoundly intimate to the couple. Afterwards, she placed her hands on his chin, "I'm on your side Raph. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, but no matter what happens with your family, you will always have me. Okay?"

The turtle finally allowed a tiny smile to inch across his face, "Okay."

* * *

 **A/N To my lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: Well, it maybe wasn't the most epic rescue, but it happened. I'd say more but well… I don't want to spoil anything ;)**

 **SetoAngel01: Oh goodness, I have done SO many bizarre google searches on behalf of fanfiction. Admittedly, I've learned lots, but it's still been interesting XD I cannot deny everything I know about how a car engine works I've learned because of such research. Not sure what the weirdest thing I've ever looked up is though… Hmmm… I've looked up a lot of English words and phrases in Latin for my Soul Collector Arc, but that's not so very much odd. I'd say turtle internal anatomy, but that's basically my day job so it doesn't count XD Ummm… OH! It's super boring but for one of the little one-shots I've been working away on in the background for the last few months had me looking up property values in Japan. Then had me reading about Japan's economic market XD Def learned more than I probably ever needed to know. I'll have to think on it and see if I can remember any good ones.**

 **Kanae Yui: Oh wow… Just oh wow. You have no idea how much your comment has touched me. I am truly thankful for every review I get, but every once and a while I get one like this and it totally strikes my core… and admittedly makes me cry a little bit. You are so sweet and knowing I have inspired anyone in** ** _anything_** **is just beyond mind-blowing. So thank-you so much! My stories are hardly perfect and I am always trying to improve, but every story is rewarding in some way and allows me to grow a little bit. Writing is undoubtedly a process but is so very worth it. All I can say is that I sincerely hope your own writing has been rewarding as it has for me and again thank-you from the bottom of my heart 3**


	20. Chapter 20

Growing Pains

Chapter 20

"Would you look at that?" Michelangelo's voice cooed, "They're so adorable!"

At the low whisperings coming from nearby, April's ginger eyelashes fluttered open. It was still light out and from the end of the trailer sunshine was spilling through the doorway. She wasn't sure when it had happened, but she must have fallen asleep, as apparently had Raphael. Currently, she was being cradled by both of his hands with the one from below acting as her support while the one from above warmed her as a blanket. Then, mere inches from his hands was Raphael's face, completely serene in sleep. Really, it was a miracle that whenever the two slept together the colossal turtle somehow managed to avoid squishing her. April often wondered if even on a subconscious level Raphael was aware of her presence and his inherent need to protect her.

There was no doubt a strong part of April O'Neil wanted to remain right where she was in Raphael's grasp, especially after the arduous night they had both endured, but between the endearing sunshine and Michelangelo now childishly snickering along with Casey at Raphael's current lack of machismo – or some other ridiculous thing – the red-head decided it was time to get up. Carefully ducking her head so the others wouldn't see and be given further fuel to tease, April kissed the pad of Raphael's finger before murmuring, "Raphael, wake-up sleepyhead."

With the feel of her body's movement and her voice, the giant turtle definitely stirred, but he did not open his eyes as he drowsily grumbled back, "Mmph. Tired... Five more minutes."

"Really?" April wasn't deterred in the slightest, "After all this time you'd rather sleep five more minutes in the dark than bask in the sunshine?"

That had his eyelids immediately snap open. Green eyes blinked at her for a moment, where she lay smiling, before they slid to the edge of his peripheral vision. However, when he was unable to see what he was beginning to feel on the tips of his toes, Raphael lifted his head to see Casey and Michelangelo, framed in daylight, beaming fiendishly at him. Casey chirped playfully, "See? I told ya you'd survive the ride Raph."

Groaning from both his growing awareness of the stiffness in his limbs and to what was awaiting him beyond, Raphael turned his head back to where April sat. Catching sight of her similarly impish grin he griped, "What have I signed up for, O'Neil?"

"Considering the long duration of your absence, I'm sure there is a fair amount of good-natured ribbing scheduled for you in the semi-near future." April giggled, "They probably are feeling the pressure to make up for lost time."

"Great." He lamented flatly. Adjusting himself so he could start to shimmy himself backwards he called over his shoulder, "Yo Nimbus and Doofus, keep sitting pretty there and I won't feel any guilt if I squish you on the way out."

Not needing to be told twice, Raphael heard the two jump back out of the trailer. Glancing at April, who he still kept securely between his palms, he muttered darkly, "And now presenting their huge-ass freak of a brother in full daylight, fan-fucking-tastic."

"It's going to be okay Raph." April soothed yet again.

"You're going to get sick of those words if you keep repeating them so much," The turtle now had his legs free and was working his shelled body out. Yet despite his tone, he did feel an inkling of excitement when he felt grass under his feet. When was the last time he had touched fresh grass?

"As long as they're needed," Her blue eyes didn't lose an inch of determination, "I'll say them."

"Hmph." Raphael snorted, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because I'm not the only one who cares." She smiled simply, "You know me better than you'd like to admit, Raphael."

"Yeah well…" He hoped the darkness of the trailer hid his blush, "Whatever." Finally he had himself fully out of the trailer. On his knees, he still faced the dim interior. After lowering April to the edge, he pulled his hands away to place them on either side of his legs. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "Guess it's now or never." Before pushing himself up.

There was no hiding the embarrassingly loud pops and cracks his joints made as he rose to his full height. Once standing, he stretched his arms up above his head to straighten out his spine. Still, no matter how much his body complained about its earlier abuse, Raphael could not help but feel this warm elation trickle through him as the heat of the sun soaked into his deep green scales. Despite his anxiety, the warmth encouraged him to open his eyes.

The first thing he saw was the semi he had just dragged himself out of, which ended just below his middle. Past it and to the left was the old farm house and although it was taller than the truck, Raphael was not pleased to note that it would likely finish around the top of his plastron. The barn was behind him and out of sight, but Raphael figured it too would likely be about the same height. What he did find immensely relieving was that the majority of coniferous trees in the forest beyond still generously towered over him. It was with that relief alone Raphael managed to turn around and face his family – or rather – look down at his family.

In a half-circle from right to left stood Leonardo, Master Splinter, Casey, Michelangelo, and finally Donatello. April meanwhile had hopped down from the trailer bed and placed a hand in comfort on the side of Raphael's foot. Raphael only met her reassuring eyes for an instant before awkwardly running a hand over the top of his head and down his neck, "Uh… So… Er…" He cleared his throat, "Thanks for the save back there guys."

On the plus side, no one was yelling; however the atmosphere was so awkward Raphael half-worried someone was going to choke on it. Amazingly, it was Donatello who responded first, "Are you okay, Raphael? Did you sustain any injuries while you were imprisoned?"

Unable to stand looming over them any longer, Raphael crouched down as he addressed Donatello, "Nothing to worry about." At his immediate sibling's skeptical look he continued, "I mean I still feel stiffer than hell and I'm a little twitchy in some places from the shocking that Semper witch gave me, but really Don, I'm fine."

"She shocked you?!" Several of them including April, Michelangelo, and Casey chorused while Donatello fearlessly approached his larger brother in full interrogation mode, "Do you know what voltage? How long was the duration of your exposure? What implement did she utilize? Have you noticed any cardiovascular irregularities?"

Under Donatello's probing, Raphael waved him off, "I'm fine Donnie. Really." Under the glare his brother bestowed on him, the larger opted to elaborate, "I mean I don't know the voltage, but she wasn't afraid to shock me for several seconds. I couldn't tell you how long. She used what looked like your bo with a taser strapped on the end, and as for my heart," He pounded on his left chest plate, "Never felt better."

"Hmm…" The purple-clad turtle hemmed for a moment before responding, "Nonetheless, once I have my equipment set up I wouldn't mind running a few tests. An EKG for sure, but a few others might be good so I can at least determine a base point. Plus, I really would like to run a blood chemistry analysis…"

Raphael cut his brother's ruminations off, "I don't need you poking and prodding me when I'm perfectly healthy Donnie."

That instigated Leonardo to retort, "Considering the circumstances, I think it obvious our definitions of "healthy" are dramatically different."

"Leo," Feeling the first bubble of frustration swell, Raphael exhaled in an attempt to calm himself, "Give it a rest."

Leonardo appeared as though he had more to say on the subject, but he was silenced when Master Splinter placed a firm hand on his shoulder, "Let us not discuss such serious matters now. I have no doubt we will have ample opportunity to do so later." His Sensei's brown eyes met Raphael's green, "However, I do not think it would be amiss for Donatello to quickly check your heart to ensure no obvious damage has been done."

Raphael looked down at his hands, "Hai Sensei."

"Once that is complete," The rat continued, "I see no reason why we should not celebrate." Raphael jerked his head up in question to his Sensei. Splinter smiled at him, "After all, it is not every day a family is reunited after eight long years apart."

"OH!" Michelangelo pounced onto the human beside him, "Casey! You have to take me into town and buy some supplies! I could totally bake a cake!"

"Dude," Casey protested as he tried to wiggle free of the turtle's octopus grasp, "I just drove like six hours straight, and I gotta drive back in the morning. I'm not going anywhere tonight."

"B-but…" The youngest turtle's blue eyes brightened.

April moved away from Raphael to pull Michelangelo off of Casey, "Don't worry Mikey. I can take you." She addressed the others, "And while we're gone you guys can get this place cleaned up."

"Why does this feel like déjà vu?" Casey grumbled at Donatello.

"Don't look at me for help, Jones." Donatello brushed him off, "Raph and I have an appointment. You and Leo can take care of the house."

"Gee thanks Don." Leonardo looked as unimpressed as Casey, "You're too kind."

"Donatello will assist as soon as he finishes with Raphael." Master Splinter had a glint of amusement in his eyes, "I suppose I too could be coerced to help as well. After all, these old bones are still more than capable of picking a broom or even a mop given the right motivation."

Well aware he physically could not do anything cleaning or otherwise in the house, Raphael fidgeted on his feet, "After I get the go ahead from Don I bet I could go to the lake and catch something for dinner. You know…" He wringed his fingers, "So you don't have to buy as much." He looked imploringly at April, "I mean I am pretty good in the water…"

April quickly caught on to Raphael's flustered verbal floundering, "It's true. I doubt there's anything much faster in the water than Raph." She smiled at the others, "Besides, I could go for some fish, couldn't you?"

"I couldn't agree more, April." Splinter nodded at April before unfalteringly beaming up at his son, "Raphael, once Donatello has seen to you, take all the time you need."

No one missed how their Sensei had phrased his words so that the ball was placed soundly in Raphael's court. Master Splinter not only clearly recognized how much his son was struggling but he respected his struggles as well. April knew as soon as she had the rat alone, she would give him the biggest hug she could. Even though he spoke nothing of it, Raphael too was deeply touched, "Thank-you Sensei."

"Now then," After bowing his head in Raphael's direction, Splinter turned to the others, "Let's not waste any of this precious daylight. We have work to do."

* * *

 **A/N Not gonna lie I had the image of Raphael holding April in his sleep like this for AGES. It needed to happen. It had to happen lol.**

 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **Setoangel01: AHHHHH MORE FANART!? YOU MY FRIEND ARE THE BEST! I am not worthy! Eeeeeeeee! =D =D =D I cannot deny, one of the greatest honours is having someone bring your mental image to life in fanart, and the last piece you did was INCREDIBLE! I can't wait to see wait you come up with this time! 3 3 3 RAPHRIL SOULMATES FOREVE Also, yes, as you may have gathered from Leo's comment SO much dirty laundry X'D It's gonna be interesting…**

 **StitcherBell: Yes, I loved their reunion too. Admittedly that was one of the scenes I had to rewrite several times. I wanted to get it just right. I think in the end it came out rather nice :) The trailer made me laugh too. I can't keep it too serious all the time :P**


	21. Chapter 21

Growing Pains

Chapter 21

"And inhale." As instructed, Raphael took a deep breath for his immediate younger brother.

After the group parted ways to tend to their individual tasks, Donatello was quick to check out the barn and see what he could dig up from the odds and ends that had been left behind after his last visit. As it turned out, Raphael's brothers had returned several times in the last few years since the Invasion which had forced the mutant reptiles from the city. Consequently, upon hearing this news, the older turtle was not surprised to discover his sibling had been hoarding quite a stash of technical gear in the barn.

In regards to said wooden structure, April had been right. Although he could not stand at his full height – mind if he slouched enough he could still move on two feet – Raphael could comfortably sit on the floor of the barn once he and Donatello had shoved aside the old junk and straw bales that had accumulated over time. Actually, the straw had been rather useful to spread on the dusty wooden floor in order to make a half-decent bed. Raphael would have to stitch a bunch of blankets together again, but once that was done he wouldn't be far off from what he had procured in his subterranean home.

Once that was taken care of, Donatello had eagerly ordered Raphael to sit while he did a thorough physical examination of him. He wasn't exactly pleased by the idea, but Raphael knew he had gotten lucky to not be prodded more than he had, and so he willfully – if begrudgingly – submitted to the smaller's administrations. Currently, Raphael was kneeling while, leaning from a ladder, Donatello was listening intently to Raphael's lungs and heart from his stethoscope. "And exhale."

Once more the older silently did as he was told and after a moment, Donatello pulled away, "Wow. I hardly need the stethoscope; even with your plastron's plating your heart is like a drum beat."

"Uh huh." Raphael averted meeting his brother's eyes. He didn't need the Brainiac to tell him that tidbit of knowledge. He already knew his heart was just as huge as the rest of him.

"It's not a bad thing Raph!" Donatello quickly amended, "It's good actually. I'd be more concerned if your heart hadn't grown proportionally with the rest of you."

Consciously trying to limit as many scathing remarks as he could from passing his lips, the older repeated, "Uh huh." Before forcing out, "You said you wanted to do an EK… something too right?"

"EKG." Donatello nodded in response.

"Which means…?" Raphael sighed.

"Electrocardiogram." The purple-clad turtle descended the ladder before once more rifling through a box of equipment, "It's a way of measuring the electrical activity in your heart. If Semper's shock sticks did any damage it would likely show up on the results. Here," Donatello held up a white tube and several electrodes, "Squirt some gel on each wrist and then put the one labelled "LA" on the left and the one labelled "RA" on the right. This one," He brandished a final electrode, "Goes on the left ankle." He went back to his box, "While you do that, I'll find some wire to extend them to our measuring apparatus since uh…" Donatello met his brother's green eyes briefly before blushing furiously down at his hands, "You're a tad taller than a usual patient."

Quirking an eye ridge at his brother's obvious discomfort, Raphael felt something inside him thaw. _Donatello was just as uncomfortable as he was_. Raphael shook his head. It was so stupidly obvious yet somehow he hadn't considered the thought that his brother could be struggling too. Leonardo had even said so himself, yet Raphael hadn't really registered it until now. Despite himself, Raphael lightened his tone, "So both wrists and the ankle, huh?" He offered both clawed hands to the smaller, "Here, you'd better do it. Otherwise I'd probably just end up shocking myself and I've had enough of that for one day."

Donatello paused in surprised hesitation for a moment before giving the tiniest of grins as he began to prepare the electrodes, "What? You'd rather leave zapping to the bugs?"

"Is that even a question?" Raphael gave an involuntary shiver at the thought, "Doesn't matter how big I get, those things still freak me the hell out."

The younger teased, "Can you even see a cockroach from way up there?"

"Haha very funny." The giant turtle rolled his eyes, "For the record not only can I see them but I can smell them too."

"Really?" Mahogany irises lifted inquisitively, "I didn't realize your olfactory abilities had enhanced that much."

"One of the perks to having a giant-ass schnoz I guess." Raphael commented dryly.

Donatello didn't respond right away for he was solemnly staring at the massive open palm in front of him. With the gel coated on their surfaces, the electrodes were ready, but the younger reptile had failed to place them. Instead, he put the equipment aside and slowly moved his own hand over Raphael's. Only then, with the heels of their palms parallel, did Donatello lower his arm. When its scaly green surface touched Raphael's own rough skin did Donatello dare to look up. For several long seconds the brothers simply said nothing while Donatello's comparatively miniscule palm rested on Raphael's colossal one. All they could do in that moment was meet each other's stare.

Finally, Raphael's emerald gaze broke away to look at the side causing Donatello to mumble, "We always did have disproportionately large hands…"

"That's all you have to say?" Raphael's words were clipped, "That we have big hands?"

"I…" The younger returned his attention to where the hands remained connected, "I'm sorry…" Donatello's words were quiet with emotion, "What I said earlier. That I could "fix you." I didn't mean to imply there was something wrong with you. I just wanted…"

When his brother trailed off, Raphael probed, "Wanted what, Don?"

"I just wanted…" Donatello closed his eyes briefly before opening them to look beseechingly at Raphael, "I just wanted to somehow convince you to come home. That no matter your…" He gestured helplessly, " _situation_ , we would find a way to work things out."

Raphael gave his brother a long hard look before ultimately turning away to release a huff of admission, "Yeah… I know."

Donatello's face wrinkled in question, "Then why…?"

"I had to still make sure you guys had a few things straight," Raphael answered. "Because even though you didn't mean it that way, I needed to tell you that I've changed in more ways than the physical."

"Yeah…" Donatello returned his gaze to where their hands still touched, "I'm starting to understand that."

After a moment when the smaller removed his hand, the elder exhaled, "At least that makes one of you. I doubt Leo's going to change his tune anytime soon."

"Be patient with him." Mahogany eyes rose again, "You're not the only one who has changed these last few years, and well…" He sighed, "You know Leo. He has a hard time letting things go. That especially applies to the brother he's been constantly obsessing over for the last eight years."

"Damnit." Raphael ran his hands along either side of his head before lamenting, "Why does every story have to have two sides?"

"Hmm…" Donatello arched an eye ridge knowingly, "You beginning to realize you can't just keep blindly fueling you anger towards him?"

"It'd be a hell of a lot more simple if I could." The larger grumbled.

"I thought as much."

Being forced to endure Donatello's smug smile only made Raphael's own frustrations worse. "Well congratulations to you for being an Egghead." He snapped, "Do you want me to get you a medal too? Or are you worried you won't be able to hold the weight with that big ass head of yours?"

Under attack from Raphael's impulsive verbal venom, the younger lifted his hands in placation, "I didn't mean to offend you, Raph."

"Then explain to me why since our little reunion there have been several things you haven't meant to do," The giant turtle folded his arms menacingly, "And yet you keep doing them anyway?"

That finally instilled enough emotion to get Donatello's own hackles raised, "Because believe it or not, you're not the only one who doesn't always think before doing!"

"The Brainiac not thinking first?" Raphael chuckled sardonically, "Now why do I doubt that?"

"I may be brilliant at a lot of things Raphael," Donatello hissed, "But we both know when it comes to communication and emotions, it is an area in which I am sorely lacking in any real degree of aptitude!"

Donatello's words left Raphael blindsided. He couldn't clearly remember a time when this younger brother freely admitted to not being "good" at something. Donatello prided himself on his technical skills and expertise, and although he was not always the star pupil when it came to his ninjutsu, it was by no fault of his own. His competition had merely been _just that good_ themselves. Yet, here was Raphael's little brother willfully confessing that not only was he struggling but was convinced he was royally screwing up at any attempt made to try and reconnect with his gigantic sibling.

Except, Donatello was wrong.

Looking down at his purple-clad sibling, cheeks ruddy with agitation, Raphael knew their current predicament was by no fault of his own or Donatello's. The blame lay on _all_ their shoulders, which meant what was broken between the brothers could only be repaired through mutual effort.

For a brief second, Raphael closed his eyes to momentarily regroup himself. Then, green eyes opened before the colossal turtle offered his palm to the smaller, "Here. Put your hand on mine."

Donatello's confusion was clearly evident in both his expression and tone, "Why?"

Raphael sighed in exasperation before speaking, "Just do it." Hearing the abrasiveness of his voice, he added, "Please."

Obviously deciding to humour the other, Donatello slowly lifted his hand. With scales touching once more, mahogany eyes frowned up, "There. Now what?"

Opting to ignore Donatello's cynicism, Raphael cleared his throat, "What do you see, Don?"

Even more unimpressed by his brother's actions, the younger returned flatly, "You're not trying to pull some after-school drivel are you?"

"Look Genius," The emerald-eyed turtle huffed indigently, "I'm trying to fix this, and I can't do it with you being an ass."

"Hmph." The expression behind the purple mask was still unamused, "Says the pot calling the kettle black."

"I already know I'm an ass!" Raphael retorted, "Everyone knows I'm an ass! It's an inherent part of my personality, but I know you are capable of more! So can you please just can it in the peanut gallery for five minutes?" Torn between intrigue and annoyance Donatello reframed from further comment, and after a curt nod, encouraged Raphael to continue, " _Thank-you_. Now I'm only going to ask you this one more time: _What do you see?_ "

Sighing in defeat, the younger turtle answered, "Two mutant turtle hands touching. One is lighter green and tiny, while the other is dark green and massive."

"Alright." Raphael nodded in approval. "Now close your eyes." He purposely paused until Donatello obeyed. After rolling his eyes, the smaller sibling did as instructed. After a breath, Raphael asked, "Keep them closed. Now tell me, what do you feel?"

"Excuse me?" Donatello peeked an eye open, " _You are_ turning this into some stereotypical Saturday morning cartoon!"

"Just answer the question, Donnie!" It was all the elder could do to keep his patience from souring, "And keep your eyes closed!"

"Fine." Donatello huffed before closing them again. Trying to determine what his brother's end goal was, the younger took his time in responding. It was only after a long moment's contemplation that said ponderous turtle wondered if perhaps he was beginning to clue in. Thus, he stalled for time, "I feel my brother's hand against mine."

"Obviously." Raphael sniped before consciously making an effort to relax and summon a gentler tone, "I mean… Try digging a little _deeper_."

Mahogany eyes shot open again, "You know…" Donatello stood before withdrawing his hand, "I really should give them a hand in the house…"

"Give me a break, Don." Raphael groaned as his sibling chose to ignore him turning to the barn doors instead.

However, the instant the younger spun around he was met with a giant hand blocking the exit. With a shadow cast over him, Donatello looked up to see Raphael stretched over him. The smaller turtle's lanky frame pivoted to try and remove himself from such a vulnerable position, but the older was still one step ahead of him. The second his shell was to the hand by the door, Raphael drew it forward, soundly knocking into the back of the younger's knees allowing him to swiftly sweep Donatello off his feet. Flat on his shell, Donatello was lifted belly-up to Raphael's eye level. Between the embarrassment of being caught so easily by Raphael _again_ and the unnerving depths their conversation had somehow devolved to, Donatello's voice caught a new pitch of anger it had not held before, "Raphael! This is not funny! I am not some doll for you to play with!"

"I never said you were Don." It was unsettling to Donatello when he realized his brother's emerald eyes were dead serious. Raphael was more intuitive than the younger had remembered. "But we're in too deep now for you to just walk away."

Brown eyes blazing with internal turbulence the captive turtle pulled himself up, "So this is your solution?!"

"You want me to stick around don't you?" Green gaze was utterly unfaltering, "That means if I don't get to run anymore _neither do you_."

"I wasn't running away!"

"If you think lying will get you out of this mess," Raphael's voice was icy as his fingers closed around the smaller, "Think again."

"Fine! I was!" Donatello glared at the elder before turning his attention to the fingers encompassing his abdomen, "You of all people should know how much it hurts…" Mahogany eyes started widening in realization… "To be pushed into these things…" The words barely out of his mouth, the younger folded his face into his hands, "Aw shell. I'm so sorry Raph."

"Don't apologize." Suddenly, the purple-clad turtle found himself back on the ground with Raphael's voice subtly subdued, "It happened. You can't change it."

"Maybe not…" Donatello had no idea how to get out of this maze of pain they had somehow fallen into, "But it doesn't mean I can't learn from it."

Raphael considered the small turtle a moment before straightening, "You'd better because if you don't I won't be so nice a second time."

"Don't worry," Brown eyes smirked behind purple cloth, "April already made that perfectly clear."

That demanded a quick reply from the elder, "What did she say?!"

"Oh there's no doubt she'll be keeping a close eye on us while we're here. She spoke more eloquently but she made it very obvious that if we put one toe out of line she'd shellac our shells."

"Yesh. Next to me she makes me look like a kitten." At that mental image, Raphael shook his head as he offered up his arms once more, "Here. Better hook me up and get this over with."

Donatello chuckled as he began to apply the first electrode, "Which is saying something."

For several minutes, the younger worked in silence while Raphael quietly watched. It was only when Donatello had his eyes focuses on his monitor that he spoke, "I felt relieved." Raphael tilted his head curiously but immediately clued in when Donatello gestured with his hands, "Right there, in front of me was physical proof you were really here and okay." He continued nervously, "You know earlier, when you tried to pull off your Saturday morning special."

"Oh shove off it." Raphael's tone held none of the barbs his words did.

Still, deducing the moment was lost, Donatello went back to work until his brother's voice shyly spoke up, "Hey Donnie."

The addressed turtle looked up to see Raphael adamantly examining the ground, "Yeah Raph?"

Yet, despite his wary posture, the edges of Raphael's mouth were quirking up ever-so-slightly, "I felt the same."

* * *

 **A/N Oh this chapter… It ended up being way tougher than I thought it would. Mind, somehow it seems appropriate considering how tough this whole situation is for our guys.**


	22. Chapter 22

Growing Pains

Chapter 22

 **A/N Yesh. This was another tough one to write. Even now I don't know if I have the flow quite the way I want, but I didn't want to hold up the rest of the fic any longer. So here it is. Hopefully its good.**

It wasn't hard to deduce from Donatello's reappearance at the farmhouse that Raphael must have gone to the lake. Leonardo was busy cleaning the dust and grime off the silverware that hadn't been used in nearly a year when his second youngest brother entered the kitchen. Casey was still vacuuming on the upper floor while Master Splinter was airing out the linen on the porch. Wanting to be useful, Leonardo put the eager Donatello on stove detail. The burners had God-knows-what baked into them, and so soon both turtles were scrubbing away.

Consequently, it also was not difficult to glean ample details pertaining to Raphael's modified physiology and anatomy. Donatello couldn't help but enthusiastically regale his findings and Leonardo was not about to stop him. By the time the flatware was shining, the eldest had acquired more than a few useful morsels of information regarding his enormous brother.

Then, with the chaos that naturally came when Casey came into a room armed with a vacuum cleaner, Leonardo easily managed to sneak out of house and into the warm fall evening. The crickets were chirping and although still several hours until dusk, the gradually setting sun had left the forest awash in a tender golden hue. The breeze carried the occasional wafts of poplar fuzz, a remainder of the white pollen storm that had surely struck at summer's end. Right now though, it was by all accounts essentially a perfect September night. Leonardo could only hope the splendor of the evening would lull Raphael into dropping his guard.

It wasn't that Leonardo wanted to ambush Raphael; it was in fact the exact opposite. After all this time, the oldest turtle desired nothing more than to simply watch and observe his brother. The thing was, Leonardo knew if Raphael sensed him, he would be told to get lost in short order – assuming Raphael didn't pitch him back to the farmhouse. So, that left the blue-clad turtle opting to take the scenic route along the lake for the particular reason of being downwind from Raphael. It was thanks to Donatello that Leonardo now was aware his immediate younger brother could smell him coming a mile away. The eldest turtle's only hope was that if he took the time to position himself perfectly, Raphael may not be able to detect him. It was a long shot, but it was all Leonardo had.

Only once he was convinced that he was in an appropriate location relative to the lake, did Leonardo begin to creep towards the shore. Using the croaking of frogs as guides, he found his way through the tall grass to where several large clusters of reeds and cattails were gathered. A distant splashing gave the turtle hope that he had been successful in moving undetected. Spying a nearby log that had the stability of being anchored to shore while still partially jutting out and having the cover of the aquatic foliage, Leonardo found purchase on the mossy bark before crawling silently, inch by inch, until he could see the water beyond.

He had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting in victory, because when he saw a distant plated domed object gliding along the surface, Leonardo knew he had found Raphael. Even from his secluded vantage point, it was startling how huge Raphael's carapace was. Still, he had to admit there was a definite grace behind his massive brother's movements. Well, he thought so until he spied the timid doe picking its way to the water's edge on the other side.

Leonardo was not the only one who caught sight of the deer. Being downwind, Raphael had smelt it before he even saw it. The instant he did, he felt his stomach shudder in hunger. It had been ages since he had a proper meal and although he could easily catch more than enough fish for his family, the few he had swallowed were hardly enough to make a dent in his appetite. If he hoped to satiate his hunger anytime soon, Raphael had to either find some seriously bigger fish or search for some other prey.

Silently watching the doe tread her way carefully through the ferns and shrubs lining the shore, Raphael considered his options. It wasn't as though he relished the thought of killing the thing. If Michelangelo was around he would probably dub the creature the cutest animal in the world, but his baby brother wasn't there and Raphael's stomach was beginning to get painful. The entire experience reminded him of his first squirrelanoid. He hadn't liked that idea much either, but it was the middle of winter and he needed food. It was eat and survive or starve and die.

Making his decision, Raphael sunk beneath the water. At least he wouldn't get a dose of mutagen from this meal. Apparently, his current company frowned upon such behaviour. Rolling his eyes behind third eyelids, he smoothly swam using the water as his camouflage. Not that he had much to worry about, he figured the last place the deer would expect to get attacked would be via the very water it was now drinking from.

Eyes wide in horror, Leonardo watched as Raphael dipped below the surface. Based on the direction his brother's green eyes had been fixed before submerging, the smaller turtle had no doubt where Raphael was going. Blue eyes settled onto the deer. There she was, black leathery nose brushing the water as she drank, completely oblivious to the terrible danger she was in. Yet, unless he wanted to blow his hard-earned cover, Leonardo could do nothing. Sure, he could hide again, but he doubted Raphael would be willing to drop his guard anytime soon if he realized his elder brother was not above spying.

That did not stop him from nearly falling off his log in shock when suddenly the terrapin behemoth hurtled himself out of the water mere feet from the doe before sinking his claws into its flesh. Leonardo slipped briefly into the water, but with the noise his brother and the deer were making, his tiny splash had not been heard.

Elated at his success, Raphael dragged the deer into the water before using his powerful jaws to break its neck. From there, it was a quick feast before the full turtle sank deep beneath the surface to momentarily bask in the relief of finally having something in his stomach. Within the murky water, with fading rays of sunlight filtering down, Raphael closed his eyes blissfully. An instant later, his eyes shot open as his nostrils flared.

Leonardo had not accounted for what Raphael could smell within the water.

Momentarily filled with panic, Raphael spun around below the surface. It was as he caught a larger hint of his elder brother's scent that he forced himself to regain some composure. He hadn't heard or seen scale nor shell of Leonardo, which meant his brother was likely trying to stay hidden. If that was the case, the giant turtle figured that unless he drew attention to it, Leonardo would have no idea that Raphael knew of his presence. That was something Raphael could use to his advantage.

Deciding to strategically swim farther away from the likely location of Leonardo to deter suspicion, Raphael purposely allowed his carapace to briefly breach the surface several times to attract his brother's attention to the far side of the lake. After an agonizingly long period of time, repeatedly showing himself so that Leonardo was sure to keep watching that part of the water for a while, Raphael finally dove before propelling himself at top speed towards the smell. He didn't dare break the surface again. He only had one shot and if he blew it, Leonardo would book it before he even got within spitting distance.

Meanwhile, Leonardo had his attention fixed on the point where his brother had last come up for a breath. It had been many long seconds since Raphael had come up, but repeatedly, said turtle had gone for several minutes before coming up. Leonardo had no idea what Raphael was doing, and was starting to reconsider his options. He knew his absence had not gone this long unnoticed and unless he wanted the others to come looking for him, he would have to depart soon. However, Leonardo was hesitant to do so with Raphael nearby. If he moved now, he risked being discovered and his whole plan to continue observing Raphael when he could in the days to come would be ruined.

It was then, just as he was considering trying to inch back, now while Raphael was submerged, cobalt eyes swore he saw the slightest movement in the water nearby. Just as he began to register the first inkling of the horrified realization he may have been noticed after all, Leonardo found himself practically shocked out of his shell when a reptilian beast suddenly rocketed out of the water at him.

He had no time to move. He couldn't even find his voice. His brain only seemed to finally catch up with his body when massive clawed hands were manacled tightly around his body and livid emerald eyes were glaring from above gnashing teeth. Leonardo thought he would vomit when he caught sight of a few bloody remnants of the deer in those jaws.

With knuckles pressing against the sloppy sand of the shore, Raphael held his brother firmly as he hissing down, "First you kidnap April and now you're spying on me?! What is the deal with you, Leonardo?"

Pupils focused as Leonardo's own anger bubbled up allowing him to find his voice, "W-what's my deal?! Y-you just slaughtered a deer and I c-can still see the blood on your teeth!"

Momentarily, the giant turtle was taken aback. He hadn't realized that Leonardo's spying would have of course meant he would have seen the doe's demise. It didn't matter that Raphael had opted to do it partially because he thought no one would see. Grabbing hold to the only emotional anchor he had, Raphael snarled back, "Don't give me that! You're the one who thinks I'm a monster! So if I act like one, why the hell do you care?!"

"Because you're my brother!" Leonardo shouted back, "And I don't want to lose you!"

That put Raphael even further off balance, "Lose me?! You can't even stand the sight of me!"

"Stop projecting your "body issues" onto me!"

"Right. I'm the different one and I should hate those differences." Green eyes narrowed, "God forbid I could have actually found happiness on my own!"

"Happy?!" Blue eyes sparked, "You lived alone, in the dark, miles below the surface! What possible happiness could you have found there?"

"Look Leo," Raphael's tone was sharp, "Just because something doesn't make you happy doesn't mean it applies to everyone else."

"I know that!" The elder snapped indigently.

"Do you?" Brow ridge quirked above green eye, "Because when it comes to me you seem pretty damn close-minded."

"Fine. I get it." Leonardo broke his stare, "You being happy means having your family – having _me_ – nowhere in sight."

"Damnit Leo…" Upon seeing the brightness in his eyes and the rejection in his words, Raphael sighed before lifting Leonardo off the ground to eye level, "That's not it at all."

"Then what is it?!" The elder returned his gaze to Raphael's, "Mikey's not here to stop me from asking this time: is April more important than us? Tell me the truth Raphael, why did you let her back into your life but not us?"

"Because she didn't judge me or hold my actions against me!" Emerald eyes gleamed as Raphael miserably spat out his answer, "You think I never thought about coming back? That I was happy with the idea of never seeing you again? I wanted to come back! But I thought if I did you wouldn't ever forgive me for leaving you in the first place. I didn't know what to do and the longer I waited the harder it was to come back and…" He sighed, "When I kept getting bigger I used that as justification for why it was better if I just stayed away forever."

"S-so…" Leonardo cleared his throat in attempt to keep himself together, "You really weren't happier down there without us?"

"No, of course not." Raphael closed his eyes as he confessed, "Look, I made a mistake. I know that, but knowing it doesn't mean I can go back and change things."

"Perhaps not." Abruptly, both brothers jerked their heads to the nearby woods where Master Splinter stood, "But it is much harder to stand back up unless you acknowledge and accept your fall. Only then can you dust yourself off and rise again or," He gave a tiny smile, "call for others to help you up."

Leonardo nodded in agreement, "Sensei's right Raph. We can't help if you won't let us."

Raphael placed his brother onto the ground before covering his face with his hands, "Damn… I've been such an idiot."

"No you have not, my son." Splinter strode forward to place a comforting palm onto leg of the kneeling Raphael, "You did what you could with the knowledge and resources that you had. Hindsight is always misleading for it fails to take into account your perspective during time now past. You yourself told Donatello to move on and I believe in your particular situation, this is sage advice."

Emerald eyes blinked curiously at his Sensei, "How did you…"

"Raphael," Splinter smiled, "You are not the only one with good hearing."

"No…" The addressed turtle shook his head with his own half-smile on his face, "I guess I'm not."

"Now," Master Splinter clasped his paws onto the top of his staff, "I had a hunch we would be in need of an alternative source of sustenance for this evening's meal and took the liberty of calling April on her T-phone asking that she and Michelangelo pick up some pizza on their way back. Was this a correct assumption?"

"Considering I'm the only thing Raph has caught tonight, I would agree Sensei."

Raphael gave Leonardo a sharp look when said brother failed to share that there had in fact been one more big catch of the night. Nonetheless, Master Splinter nodded knowingly, before turning around and heading back on the path towards the farm house, "Good. Then you should hurry back soon. I imagine they will be arriving shortly."

"Hai Sensei." Both turtles responded in unison.

However, before they moved, Splinter called over his shoulder, "Raphael, you may want to wash up beforehand. I'd prefer we avoid any relapses of Michelangelo's _Bambi_ -related nightmares. Wouldn't you?"

Leonardo and Raphael met each other's eyes before they both cracked. It was between snorts of laughter that the larger returned to the water, "Go ahead Leo; I'll catch up."

However, Leonardo instead waded into the shallows beside where Raphael was attempting to rinse his mouth, "Nah. I'd rather hang with my bro."

Green eyes lifted to meet blue, before Raphael smirked, "It's your funeral."

"Huh?" But before the elder could comprehend the meaning behind his sibling's words, Raphael whipped out a hand and grabbed him.

Without even a hint of hesitation, Raphael threw Leonardo up and as the smaller turtle sailed through the air he shouted, "That's for spying on me!"

Hearing the splashes paired with the cries from an unimpressed Leonardo and the laughter from a smug Raphael, within the woods Splinter shook his head as he smiled to himself, "Kids."

* * *

 **A/N Ahhh I have so many comments to respond to! It will happen, but not tonight. Still, thanks for all the love and reviews everyone! It is very much appreciated!**


	23. Chapter 23

Growing Pains

Chapter 23

 **A/N Get ready for all the Raphril ^_^**

By the time the group turned in for the night, Raphael was more than anxious to get to the barn where he could finally get a few moments of peace without sideways glances and peering eyes. It made his skin crawl and the stares were only the tip of the iceberg.

When he and Leonardo had arrived at the farmhouse, as anticipated, April and Michelangelo had returned from town and were dishing out slices of steaming pizza. Problem was, said meal had begun in the kitchen, which was inside the house, which was clearly off limits to the gargantuan turtle. Raphael didn't blame the others for subconsciously doing what they had done every day of their lives and his family had quickly realized upon his appearance that by remaining inside they were alienating him, but that did not change the fact that the entire situation only acted to emphasize his _difference_. Even with the group on the porch or the soft grass surrounding the house, there was no disguising Raphael's looming height.

If he stood or sat in the way of the sinking sun, he put the others in shadow. If he did not move slowly and gently, his vast weight shook the ground and the entire house. If he did step anywhere, he had to ensure there was no one in the way of his footfalls. The whole experience was hardly relaxing and it left him yearning for the seclusion of his subterranean home. However, there was no labyrinthine tunnels here. All Raphael had for privacy was a rickety old barn and he was pretty sure if he exhaled too hard he could send that toppling to the ground too.

Still, when given the opportunity, Raphael all but fled to the barn. Once inside, he went about adjusting and fluffing his straw. When he was pleased enough with his efforts, he curled up onto his plastron with his arms folded beneath his chin. Just as he was starting to relax, he tensed upon hearing the creaking of the barn doors. Narrowing his eyes at the entrance, he was met with a slim beam of a flashlight and the sweet scent of April. He frowned at the pillow under her arm and the blanket over her shoulder, "Don't tell me you plan on sleeping out here."

As she closed the door behind her, April calmly spoke, "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you have a perfectly good bed in the house." Raphael returned flatly.

"I gave that to Master Splinter." She continued lightly, "I insisted he have it since it is the best mattress in the house."

"Uh huh." A scaled eye ridge lifted, "So what about the other beds? I know that place has at least enough for six."

Walking over to where his arms where folded she looked up, "And your point?"

"Don't play dumb, O'Neil!" He snapped, "You're only out here because you feel bad that I can't go in there!"

"You know that's not true." Pulling her pillow to her chest, April shook her head, "Why is it so hard for you to accept that I just want to be with you? That I–" She placed a hand on his wrist, "Feel better when I'm with you." Before she looked down, "I was really worried about you yesterday. You know that right?"

Raphael exhaled before responding, "Yeah… I know."

"Besides," Blue irises found his green, "I never feel safer than when I'm with you."

Emerald eyes examined her for a moment before he huffed out, "Fine." He offered a palm and it was as she settled herself onto the cool surface he grumbled, "You're only saying that because I keep you from being squirrelanoid chow."

"That is a big benefit." She smiled at him as she stretched out onto her back, "But you do more than that. For one thing," Her expression sobered a bit, "You help keep my nightmares at bay."

"Hmph." He couldn't help but take his hand and delicately use a claw to brush through her hair before softening his tone, "They still that bad huh?"

"Yeah…" Closing her eyes, April sighed as he repeated the motion, "I don't get much sleep during the week."

"Sorry."

April immediately opened her eyes in question, "What for? The dreams aren't your fault."

"No." Raphael paused as he gathered his thoughts, "But you shouldn't have to be alone those nights. I mean… A proper boyfriend would be able to take care of his girl seven days a week and come over when she needs him. But I…" He lifted his hand away to glare at it, "Well, I can't."

She was silent for a long moment as she pulled herself up and before she spoke each word was chosen carefully, "Raph, don't take this the wrong way, but if say tomorrow you could take a pill and it would shrink you to the same height as your brothers, would you want to take it?"

"Obviously I would take it!" He was quick to retort.

"That doesn't answer my question." April elaborated, "I asked would _you want_ to take it?"

"I…" Raphael looked at her sharply before turning away to look at nothing in particular, "I don't know. I mean, I should want to be small again. Shouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Blue eyes were piercing, "Should you?"

"Frig. This is stupid" The turtle pinched the skin between his eyes, before he pulled his hand away to look at her, "You know what this reminds me of?" At her curious silence he continued, "A while back, when we were kids we used to play "Truth or Dare." Usually we did stupid things like the cinnamon challenge. Then there was this one day when out of the blue the game got really serious, but not in the dare department. It was weird because I almost never went with truth, but for some reason when Mikey picked me I asked for one. I don't know what triggered it, but Mikey became dead serious and flat out asked me, "If tomorrow you could take a pill and it would make you human, would you want to take it?""

April was on her knees hanging on his every word, "What did you say?"

A sad smile found its way onto Raphael's face, "It's the same with what you just asked me. It's not about whether I would take it. It's about if I would _want_ to."

Her words were hushed; afraid she was speaking of the taboo, "Do you want to be a human Raphael?"

He shook his head, "For a long time I wished I had been born into different circumstances. You know, being a turtle would be fine, but getting a normal pet turtle life, not a mutated one. That's the thing. It didn't matter what I was. I just wanted to be _normal_. Still, I knew it would never happen and so I didn't waste too much thought on it. That's the kind of thing that can make a turtle go insane. Then Mikey asked me that and there I was, actually giving it some serious thought. If given the chance to be a human, to have a normal life, would I take it?"

Raphael sighed, "I can't deny it would make life easier, and although I might take it, I wouldn't want to. Because, the thing is, I like being a turtle. I like being me. The problem is that's not what the rest of the world wants. It's not what they would accept."

Once more his gaze returned to his massive clawed hand, "And me becoming small? Well, it's kind of the same thing. Isn't it? This is who I am now. If I shrink, I change into someone else, and I'm not sure I want that. But, like becoming human, it's what everyone else wants and what they are willing to accept."

"So if Donnie whipped up a shrinking solution," April questioned, "You would take it, but you wouldn't want to?"

"More or less." Raphael huffed softly, "I guess I just would resent that they couldn't accept me as I was –even if I was a giant turtle." He then laughed darkly, "Pretty stupid right?"

"Not really." The red-head hugged his finger, "You just want people to accept you for who you are."

"Which was problematic as a normal mutant turtle, never mind a twenty-five foot one."

April tilted her head, "Twenty-five?"

At her tone he rolled his eyes, "Give or take."

"Ah." She teased, "Because I really think you're more like twenty-seven and a half."

"Exactly?" He smirked, "You've been measuring me while I've been sleeping or something?"

"Yeah right." She adjusted herself so her back now leant against the finger she had been hugging, "As if I could ever sneak up on you awake or asleep."

"Leo pulled it off." Raphael remarked, "Well until he got his scent in the water. After that I figured out he was there pretty damn quick."

"Is that why his mask tails were dripping all through dinner?"

"I don't take kindly to spying." He scowled, "Besides those dweebs get enough staring in as it is."

"They aren't too subtle." She laughed, "Are they?"

"I can still feel my scales burning." Raphael muttered in irritation.

"Just be patient, Raph." April rubbed a hand on the edge of his palm, "They'll come around."

"They're still gonna want me to lose a few inches." He scowled.

"I'd be surprised if they didn't." April soothed, "But don't be too hard on them. It might be worth trying to see things from their point of view."

"Hey!" Raphael moved the hand she was sitting on closer so he could rub his beak on her, "I thought you were on my side?"

"I am!" Laughing, April tried to shove away his face, "Stop that!"

"What?" He began peppering her lightly with gentle kisses, "I'm your boyfriend. Aren't I?"

"Speaking of boyfriends," Her words immediately had him pulling away allowing her to push further, "So we're official now are we?"

"Cripes." He began to blush furiously, "You're not going to give me a moment of peace are you?"

"This is kind of a big deal, Raphael." April folded her arms as she quirked an eyebrow, "Did you really mean what you said back in New York? That you consider me your girlfriend?"

"Well uh…" He rubbed the back of his head and had to force himself to stay eye level with her instead of rising up as he was sorely tempted to do in his discomfort, "I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I mean… You don't have to feel obligated or anything. It's obvious I'm pretty shitty boyfriend material."

"You haven't answered my question, Raphael." She took a step closer and he could now feel the subtle heat from her body, "Do you or do you not want me as your girlfriend?"

"Well…" He couldn't stand feeling so vulnerable anymore. He had to adjust positions, "Do I have to have this conversation lying flat on my stomach?"

"By all means," April gestured her hand forward. As he pulled himself up she continued but her voice held a new edge in it, "I'd hate to make both of us uncomfortable."

Freezing midway, he frowned at her, "See? This is what I'm talking about! How can we possibly make this work April? You're like a… Like a doll next to me!"

"Last time I checked," April looked away, her eyes bright, "We've been doing just fine these past several months."

It was true. Every free moment she had she spent down in the sub sewers with him. He never grew tired of her presence. Whenever she left, he would instantly be anxious for her next return. They almost always had endless things to talk about and even when they didn't they still enjoyed each other's companionable silence. Just being in the presence of one another filled both their hearts.

Still, being what he was, there were some things he could never give her. They could never have a truly normal life. They could never have children. They could never be lovers… "April…" He fiddled with his hands in his lap while he kept his head bowed in shame, "You do realize if you stay with me I can never give you… Well you know…"

"We can never be _intimate._ " She finished for him.

"Well yeah…" Finally his green eyes peeked up from his lap, "Isn't that kind of a deal breaker?"

Suddenly her fists were at her sides and she was vehement, "Damn it Raphael! You think I haven't thought about that?"

"Yeah…" He lowered his head again, "That's what I figured. Sorry."

Just as he began to stand up, April snapped, "Where do you think you're going?!"

Once more he was petrified to the spot, forced to half-stand over her while she glared up at him, "Why? Do you want me to stay? It's over. Isn't it?"

"Over my dead body it is!" April pointed her finger at the ground, "SIT!"

He sat.

Raphael was then met with the red-head tapping her foot at the side of his leg. Quickly getting the message, he picked her up. When she was at eye level she pierced him with her gaze, "Now you listen to me, Raphael. Yes, it's a little sucky about some certain physical _aspects_ of our relationship. However, I have not been in love with the turtle before me since I was sixteen for that. I fell in love with you because of your courage, your tenacity, your compassion, and your strength. I fell in love with your laughter, your passion, and your sarcasm. I fell in love with your smile, your eyes, and your mind. Isn't it obvious, Raphael? I fell in love with your _heart_."

Then, while he gaped at her like a crimson fish, she finished, "And for the record, although you may have ended up a smidge taller than I would have preferred, you are still pretty fucking handsome!"

Unable to contain any of the emotions he was now completely overwhelmed with, Raphael half laughed and half cried as he ran his free hand over his face including his own shining eyes, "Just _a smidge_?"

Laughing herself, April responded, "Well maybe you're a few inches taller than I expected, but definitely no more than that."

"Oh good." He shook his head, closing his eyes to try and clear them before he actually shed tears, "I'd hate to have surprised you."

"Now," April became solemn again, "I just dumped out my feelings to you, which means at the very least you owe me an answer."

"April…" Without hesitation, he drew her close to his face so he could nuzzle her hair, "Isn't it obvious? As long as you'll have me, even as the giant turtle I am, I want to stay by your side."

"Raphael," She lightly kissed his upper lip before speaking, "Everything I've done these past few years I did in hopes of bringing me closer to you."

"I promise you April," He pulled her away to capture her gaze, "I'll never leave you like that again."

"You better not," She sniffed becoming overwhelmed by her own emotions, "Because a life without you isn't worth living."

He frowned, "Don't say that April. You have everything to live for, and isn't that exactly what you'd been doing these last few years before you found me?"

"Oh I was alive, but I wasn't _living,_ Raphael." Her voice was grave, "Do you know what it's like to walk through life with only half of your heart?"

"Of course I do." His eyes were somber, "I learned that the day I left."

"There you go," April summoned a smile, "You have no choice then. You're stuck with me."

Raphael chuckled, "I think I can live with that."

"We both can, Raph." She reached up to kiss him again, "We've been doing it already."

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 **A/N Hopefully that wasn't too over-the-top for you guys. There is always a fine balance between tasteful romance and just straight up cheese. Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone!**

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 **To my two loyal and ever-lovely reviewers:**

 **StitcherBell: He may not be all the way there yet, but Leo is definitely taking steps in the right direction. It's hard because although he often comes across as stoic, Leo feels his emotions just as deeply as Raphael does in a lot of ways. Those two are more alike than either of them would ever like to admit. Thank-you so much for always taking the time to review. It really truly makes my day every time you do :)**

 **SetoAngel01: AHAHAHA… I confess while writing the deer scene I kept thinking about Bambi too! I felt kinda bad for it… So how do I honour said fictional deer? By bringing up Bambi XD I have an odd sense of humour lol. Also, you're not alone; this fic leaves me more than a little obsessed at the best of times. Whenever I have free time lately I'm running through the story line/up-coming character interactions. I just wish I had the time to simply sit down and crunch it all out. Ahhh well… Sometimes it's better to let these thoughts ruminate a bit before they get put on paper. Thank-you so much for reviewing girl! Your comments make me smile every time!**


	24. Chapter 24

Growing Pains

Chapter 24

"Raphael," The addressed turtle turned to where his Sensei was nestled on the porch bench sipping his morning tea, "Leonardo tells me that you have been diligent in your ninjutsu training these past few years despite the absence of formal instruction."

It was still relatively early in the day. Raphael had trouble sleeping after so many years in the world below, and so not long after dawn he had left April sound asleep, curled up on the straw. At first he just wanted to stretch his legs – still stiff from the previous days' abuse – but once out under the pale fall North Hampton sky, he found himself wanting more than anything to just simply clear his head. That was when he came across his Sensei, kneeling under an elm tree near the edge of the forest. Splinter immediately acknowledged his presence, and to Raphael's surprise his master ceased his obvious meditation to invite his son to join him for tea. For obvious reasons, the turtle could not partake in the tea himself – after all he could barely handle the largest of ceramic mugs even with his impressive dexterity – but Splinter did not seem concerned. Instead, the rat nursed his own tea while simply enjoying the company of his son.

Slightly uncomfortable, Raphael had been scratching at the grass with his claws when his Sensei broached the subject of his training, which he had indeed mentioned to his eldest brother the night before. "Hai Sensei." He nodded, "I mean… Are you really that surprised? It was kind of a big part of our lives growing up."

"This is true." Splinter stroked his beard, "But many adults often drift away from the habits of their youth."

"But it was never just a habit, Sensei." Raphael paused his scratching to look up, "It was a way of life. Part of who we are."

"I am pleased to hear it." The rat bestowed his son a tiny grin, "I admit, I would not have blamed you for foregoing your training considering your circumstances."

"Yeah well…" Dark claws began fiddling with the aged crimson fabric tied around his wrist, "I couldn't keep up with everything. I stopped using the sai a long time ago."

"Oh?" There was no judgement in Splinter's tone, only genuine curiosity, "And why is that?"

"Well… Uh…" Raphael found he could not lift his gaze from the ground, "At first it was because I outgrew them, literally, but then…" He sighed, "I mean I could have forged new ones. I had the supplies to do it, but somehow…" Scaled fingers abandoned the mask, "It didn't seem right. You gave me my sai Sensei." Finally green eyes dared to look up, "How could I think to replace something like that?"

Splinter considered him a minute before responding, "I need not tell you, Raphael, that a weapon is just that _a weapon_. That anything when used in the right hands can take up that mantle. Your sai were as capable at this as Leonardo's katana, Donatello's bo, or Michelangelo's nunchakus, and I imagine even the claws you now boast possess the same degree of lethality." Raphael moved his fingers so that said armaments were on full display as Splinter continued, "It is not uncommon for warriors to become versed in numerous weapons in order to increase their versatility in battle. However, no warrior abandons such a tool after so many years of devoted practice without strong reason. Perhaps this is something you should consider as you resume your training with us."

"Sensei?" Raphael frowned down at the mutant rat, "You sure that's a good idea? I mean on my own is one thing, but with the others…"

Splinter rose, "Trust in your brothers' own abilities Raphael. Eight years is not just a long time for you, but for them as well. I'm sure you all will appreciate and benefit from each other's abilities."

"Who's benefiting from what now?" Donatello appeared at the screen door, rubbing the last blobs of sleep grime from his eyes.

"Ah Donatello," The rat master turned to the newly appeared turtle, "You are awake. Tell your brothers we will be meeting in fifteen minutes to commence our morning training."

The mahogany-eyed reptile widened his eyes, "Already?! But Sensei it's barely even seven!"

"Exactly." Splinter handed his son his empty tea mug before heading in the direction of a large clearing well beyond the barn, "I do not wish to waste any more of this beautiful morning. I expect the four of you to share my sentiment."

Then, without further ado, the two brothers watched their Sensei depart towards the forest. It was only once Splinter was out of sight, behind the barn, that, after abandoning the mug on the porch railing, Donatello suddenly turned in Raphael's direction, "Wait. Did he say the four of us? Are you training with us Raph?"

Not enthused at the undoubtable disaster in his near future, Raphael scowled, "Apparently."

Leonardo passed through the doorway at that moment still tying his blue mask tails, "For real? Is he planning to have you spar with us?"

The eldest craned his head up to meet Raphael's eyes causing said turtle to grumble, "I'm as excited about it as you are."

"Dude!" Michelangelo chose that moment to appear while shoving the last remains of a pop tart down his throat, "Doesn't that seem a little unfair? You haven't sparred with us in ages! You're gonna be super rusty!"

That caused Raphael to blatantly stare at his youngest brother, "Mikey, you do realize I'm like twenty feet taller than you, right?"

"So?" Michelangelo hopped off the porch, "I have three whole inches on Leo and you don't see him pulling any punches with me."

"Uhh…" Leonardo caught up to his baby brother, "I don't really think it's the same thing Mikey."

"Sure it is!" The youngest folded his arms behind his head casually, "Height is just a number bro."

Donatello raised an eye ridge in Raphael's direction and the larger just shook his head before both followed after their brothers. Raphael stayed on all fours, but as soon they came past the barn, Splinter's voice came piercing his way, "Raphael! What are you doing? You cannot expect to properly perform walking like that! Stand up straight!"

That comment left Raphael wanting nothing more than to withdraw into his shell. Remaining as he was he answered, "Yeah… I'd really rather not."

Splinter's eyes were icy and despite all physical evidence stating otherwise, suddenly Raphael felt two inches tall, "You will stand up and you will assume a proper stance. I have never allowed any of you to be ashamed of your appearance and I have no intention of letting you start now."

Narrowing his eyes, quenching any further retort pertaining to how it was too late for that, Raphael rose as ordered. When he was standing at full height, he folded his arms over his plastron and glared down at his family below. Splinter meanwhile pretended as though nothing were amiss, "Good. Now my sons, today we shall warm up with Ten Ryaku no Maki before specifically focusing on Hōken Juroppō. Then you shall test what you have learned in sparring."

The four turtles then did as their Sensei instructed. Although a little off in a few of his stance's postures Splinter was obviously pleased in Raphael's aptitude in his kata. It was clear the massive turtle had indeed been maintaining his training throughout the years. However, all too soon it was time for sparring. By this point, the mutants had gained an audience. Both Casey and April were sitting on the grass nearby eagerly watching the turtles train.

It wasn't surprising that Splinter opted to have the three relatively small turtles team-up against their enormous brother, but Raphael was still dreading it to say the least. When it came time to face off, Raphael hated how his three siblings were forced to crane their necks just to make eye contact before they bowed. After that, Raphael didn't even know where to begin. Should he just grab them and make them call uncle? He hardly wanted to try to punch or kick them. Shell knew if he did that he could potentially land one of them into the next county. So that left the colossal reptile simply standing there when his brothers began to scale his feet and then his legs.

More than unimpressed, Raphael addressed Splinter, "Sensei… Is this really necessary?"

However, Raphael did not hear the answer, for instead he was abruptly distracted when Leonardo punched at a painful pressure point behind his knee. Hissing, Raphael went to swat his eldest brother off only to end up with Leonardo careening out of sight when he used his grappling hook to ascend the back of his shell. That distraction was all Michelangelo needed to whack his nunchunks hard against the soft skin where Raphael's leg merged with his shell. Annoyed as he once more was met at a fruitless attempt to flick his brother off, Raphael growled, "Would you cut that out?!"

"Last time I checked sparring isn't supposed to be pleasant Raph." Donatello jeered before landing his own blow on Raphael's tail where said appendage had been curled up under protective carapace.

"CHRIST DONNIE!" Raphael snarled hating how his eyes watered from that one, "The tail's off limits!"

"Since when?" Michelangelo teased from Raphael's right shoulder which the youngest had miraculously ascended without the green-eyed turtle's knowledge, "I can't tell you how many times you got me there over the years!"

"And he's not the only one." Leonardo retorted from Raphael's left shoulder.

Starting to feel a bubble of frustration swell in his gut after failing to smack both turtles who nimbly found refuge behind Raphael's neck between his carapace and skin, the giant turtle snapped, "I swear you guys are asking for it."

"Where have we heard that one before?" Donatello tutted sarcastically, "Oh yeah, from you!"

After receiving several more stinging jolts from abused pressure points, Raphael was quickly burning his last thread. That was why, when Michelangelo hit at his eye, the massive reptile suddenly withdrew all his limbs and head into his shell before abruptly crashing to the grass. He didn't care if he shook the ground aggressively. He was done. Said tactic had more than startled his offending siblings. Donatello had to hold on for dear life from where he clung to Raphael's carapace. Leonardo had to jump for cover so that he would not get flattened by the falling weight of his sibling's colossal plastron. Michelangelo meanwhile, found himself trapped in the dark confines of Raphael's interior shell, wedged between his big brother's neck and shoulder. Completely paralyzed, the youngest peeped, "Raph! I can't move!"

Raphael rumbled back, "That's the idea shell-for-brains. Not my fault if you got caught on the way in."

"Come on Raph!" Michelangelo pleaded, "I can barely breathe bro!"

"Then you better quit wasting air, loud mouth!"

"Umm…" Donatello's voice came from nearby, where Raphael had pulled in his head, "What do we do now Leo?"

"I'm thinking…" Leonardo moved forward and the hidden turtle spied his eldest brother's shadow blocking the light entering the dark interior, "I don't know if we want to go in there."

"Trust me," Michelangelo shouted, "It's a bad idea bros! It stinks in here."

Raphael rolled his eyes, "Can it Mikey!"

However, the larger turtle wasn't really that concerned by his baby brother's uncomfortable presence at the side of his neck. He was far more interested in Leonardo's silhouette. All he needed now was for Donatello to come a little closer, and if Michelangelo helped draw him in, all the better.

The purple-clad reptile hummed, "I mean we could try hitting his head with our grappling hooks. I imagine it won't take long before that gets him irritated enough so that he comes out."

"Do we want him to come out though?" Leonardo pondered, "He's obviously pretty pissed as it is."

"When has that ever stopped us?" Donatello laughed, "Look we just need to aim carefully…"

At that moment, when he spied Donatello's pale green legs beside Leonardo's, Raphael shot out of his shell like a bat out of hell. Not wasting a second, he wrapped his fingers around his two standing brothers while simultaneously sending the other hand to snatch at Michelangelo. When all three turtles when in his grasp, Raphael stood up and smirked, "Hah! Screw you guys!"

"Yame!" Raphael turned, still holding his brothers firmly in Splinter's direction, "Very good ingenuity Raphael, but despite your victory you must admit your brothers did have the upper hand for quite a while."

Green eyes widened slightly to turn onto three smugly smiling faces, "Yeah…"

Splinter's tone was amused, "So perhaps you need to give your brothers more credit. Even with you around, I believe they can more than handle themselves, and this ability will only enhance over time."

Kneeling, Raphael released his siblings allowing them to gather in a similar fashion in front of the giant turtle. "Sorry guys."

"Bro, since when do you apologize for beating us?" Michelangelo's blue eyes turned questioningly onto the elder.

"Not for beating you…" Raphael exhaled, "For not giving you more credit. For this and well… For everything."

Leonardo turned to look at his brother, "Raph, it's not like we fully deserved it. We haven't exactly handled this whole thing well."

"Perhaps not." Master Splinter also knelt before his kneeling sons, "But I have faith that you four are learning how to traverse these difficult waters nonetheless. Even the strongest of storms will always pass eventually."

"Comparing all this to a storm is an understatement." Donatello smiled.

"So does that mean we're all good again?" Michelangelo turned to examine each of his brothers in turn before finally landing his gaze once more on Raphael.

Raphael studied his baby brother a moment before taking in both Leonardo and Donatello as well. Finally he shrugged, a tiny grin on his face, "More or less."

Absolutely beaming, the youngest enthusiastically grabbed both of his elder brothers' hands and dragged them forward before he latched himself onto Raphael's knee in the biggest hug he could muster. When Donatello and Leonardo exchanged unsure looks, Michelangelo urged, "Come on you guys! Feel the love!"

After nodding at each other, the remaining two joined Michelangelo leaving Raphael to gawk down at the three hugging his left knee, "Uhhh…" Obviously not wanting to miss out, April and Casey rushed forward to find their own space among the reptiles, which caused Raphael to comment drily, "Really? You guys are seriously having a group hug on my knee?"

"Come on Raph!" Michelangelo pulled away slightly to look up, "Even knee caps deserve love!"

Raphael snorted, "Maybe in your world Mikey." Releasing his own sigh, the giant turtle shook his head before bringing his hands behind the group. Without hesitation, he scooped them up and brought them to the top of his plastron, "But if we have to do this, I'd rather just get it over with and do it right."

Quickly recovering from the brief shock of their relocation, the group procured synchronized smiles before embracing Raphael's chest plates for all they were worth. About to relax, Raphael shifted his attention to Splinter, "Sensei?"

Meeting his son with his own grin, Master Splinter seamlessly hopped up from various body parts before smoothly landing onto the behemoth's wrist where his worn red mask was tied, "I cannot deny I would want to miss such an opportunity either, Raphael."

Settling his gaze onto his family, Raphael smiled, "I think we can all agree on that." He bowed his head, and embraced them all as tightly as he dared.

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 **A/N The feels! Also, I messed up on the time of year on chapter 22. It's September in the story. Not July. Anyway, it's now fixed lol.**

 **AND… SetoAngel01 once again more than outdid herself in procuring another amazing piece of fanart for me! It's from chapter 23 and you all need to go check her out and give her all your love asap!**

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 **To my lovely reviewers:**

 **SetoAngel01: Eeeee! I know I told you already, but the piece you did for the last chapter is amazing! Thank-you thank-you thank-you! I love it so much! A perfect Raphril piece of art to go with a perfect Raphril chapter! ^-^ 3 3 3 Also, your reactions are totally the best lol :P**

 **StitcherBell: Haha this is true. Many authors have proven turtle babies can indeed happen XD I can pretty much 100% guarantee that said children-filled events won't happen here though lol. Writing about babies is def not my strong suit lol.**


	25. Chapter 25

Growing Pains

Chapter 25

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"You sure you have to go back?"

Raphael was watching April gather the few meager belongings she had managed to bring despite the previous days' chaos. Master Splinter had granted the turtles a break after their sparring match in lieu of seeing off their human companions since both April and Casey had work to return to in the city. Casey had a bit of leeway at the garage; it wasn't a huge deal if he didn't show up until midafternoon. April on the other hand, had already called in "sick" for the morning, but knew she needed to get her butt back to the office before the evening briefing if she wanted to keep her job.

The redhead glanced up from her knapsack, "You know I do."

He sighed. Raphael got it. He did, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Being left alone with the family he had only just been reacquainted with wasn't something he was exactly relishing. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with his brothers and sensei. He did. However, after so much time alone and on his own, suddenly having three siblings demanding his attention was a little intimidating. Not that he would voice said concerns in such a way. Instead, he was left bemoaning to his soon-to-be-departing girlfriend, "I just would rather you didn't."

"Look," She brushed her long bangs out of her eyes, "As much as I love my job, you know if I had a choice I wouldn't be leaving you to the wolves like this."

He cut her off, "I can handle my brothers just fine on my own, April."

She quirked an eyebrow, "I never said you couldn't, but I'm not blind, Raph. It's obvious you're still pretty nervous about being around them."

"It's just weird." He huffed out forlornly as he scratched a claw into the dirt floor of the barn, "Eight years is a long time. I'm going to have to get to know them all over again."

"Funny." April stood, shouldering her pack as she sauntered over to him. Placing a tiny hand on his massive knee she observed, "I imagine they are probably feeling the same way you are right now."

"Great." He rolled his eyes as he scooped her up, "A day full of icebreakers. What could be better?"

"Don't be grumpy, Raph." She soothed as he carried her out of the barn, "Just keep an open mind and be patient. Everything will be fine."

"Have you met me?" The turtle scowled, "None of those are qualities I excel in O'Neil."

"I don't know. When you set your mind on something you can do some pretty amazing things, Raphael."

"Hmph." Green eyes relaxed ever-so-slightly, "I think you're giving me a little too much credit."

"Someone has to. Goodness knows you're not about to." Coming up beside the semi, April scanned around for the others, "Casey had better be ready. I told him I'd only be a few minutes."

Kneeling down, Raphael lowered her to the ground, "I hear them in the house. Don't worry, I'm hard to miss. As soon as they see me they'll be out."

Almost if on cue, Casey, followed by the mutants, streamed through the old wooden doorway, "'Sup Red? You ready to get this show on the road?"

Turning around to face Raphael again she rubbed the hand, which was helping support his crouching form, "I promise I'll only be gone until the weekend. Come Friday night I'll be the first one out of that office."

"Don't worry about it." He gave her a tiny grin despite his anxious mood, "I'll be fine. Your work's more important. You should focus on that."

"It's not more important." April firmly wrapped herself around as much of his hand as she could, "It is important, but you'll always be my number one priority. No job could ever replace you, Raph."

Feeling his cheeks blush, Raphael cleared his throat in an attempt to save face in front of his family, "Alright I get it. You better hit the road before you turn this into a complete chick flick."

Shaking her head, April hugged each of the other turtles in turn before, and after giving a final embrace to Splinter, walked around to the passenger side of the semi. Casey was already in the cab as she jerked the door open, but before she could pull herself up, a shadow fell over her. Looking up, she saw Raphael now on her side of the truck. Then, before she could move he knelt down to lean his face close to her level. His murmured words were warm against her neck, "I love you too."

Now it was the redhead's turn to blush. Face a hearty shade of scarlet, she jumped up into the cab. As Casey backed the truck out before turning, April placed a hand to her cheek sincerely wishing that somehow she could preserve the heat of Raphael's breath onto her freckled skin forever.

* * *

 **A/N In case some of you are wondering, Raphael reunited with his brothers on the docks Friday night, got caught early Saturday morning, and was rescued during the wee hours of Sunday morning. By time the group drove up to North Hampton, it was Sunday around noonish. Thus, it is now Monday morning and that is why April and Casey need to leave. Don't worry, April will be back very soon (I mean this is a Raphril fic lol). She just has to deal with work stuff first.**


	26. Chapter 26

Growing Pains

Chapter 26

With the truck well out of sight, Raphael became acutely aware that he was very much on his own now: no April, just him and his brothers. Well and Master Splinter was there too, but his rat sensei was the only one currently not attempting to unobtrusively stare at him, so he didn't count, at least in the same sense. However, when his sensei spoke, the giant turtle surmised that Master Splinter was perhaps not the best of allies after all, "My sons, I believe the rest of this afternoon would be more beneficial to you if we did not continue with your traditional training. Consequently, you are free to do as you please on the condition that the four of you remain together for the duration of the day."

The massive turtle gave Splinter a pointed look, to which the rat seemed purposefully oblivious to as he stepped off the porch heading in the direction of where Raphael had found him meditating earlier that morning. His sensei knew how much Raphael simply wanted nothing but solitude and yet he had seamlessly cut off all possibility of that. Of course, the second eldest could easily disobey Splinter's orders, but somehow, he knew that would be a giant fuck up. So, in resignation, he slowly turned to acknowledge his three gawking siblings, "If you guys want to stare so much, why don't you just take a damn picture already?" The trio simultaneously blushed as they looked anywhere but at Raphael in shame. Feeling his temper souring, the behemoth snapped, "And quit looking like kicked puppies every time I call you out on it!" Pulling himself up, he huffed, "I swear Casey has more tact than you guys do."

Not waiting for a response, Raphael directed himself towards the lake, assuming his brothers would catch up. Sure enough they jogged to keep up with his massive stride. Once in pace with the larger, Leonardo questioned, "Where are you going?"

"Lake." Raphael clipped out, "I'm gonna swim and then find a nice hot spot to bask in. You got a problem with that?"

Following a subtle rap on his shell, Raphael heard Michelangelo shout in delight, "Oh! I could use a swim!" Suddenly, the larger became acutely aware said brother's voice was no longer coming from the ground. "Great idea Raph!"

Abruptly halting, Raphael turned to see Michelangelo gleefully perched on his shoulder reeling in his grappling hook, "What the hell are you doing Mikey?"

"Come on bro," Michelangelo cheekily batted his baby blues at his big brother, "You carry April all the time. It's only fair."

"She's my girlfriend you twerp!" Raphael went to whack the tiny turtle off, but missed when the youngest agilely sprang to the opposite shoulder, "You're just a hitchhiker."

"You know," Donatello's voice came from the shoulder Michelangelo had recently vacated, "By definition a hitchhiker has to ask for a ride. Mikey didn't ask. Therefore he's more of a freeloader than a hitchhiker."

"Does it matter?!" The colossal turtle snapped, "I'm not your personal chauffer. Now get off!"

"Well," Green eyes narrowed as Leonardo's weight joined Donatello's, "Sensei did tell us to stay together."

Realizing where this was going, Raphael sighed. He knew unless he withdrew into his shell again he wouldn't get them off. Besides, knowing them, they would just pester him whether he was inside his shell or not. "I don't think this is what he meant."

"So his directions are open to interpretation." Leonardo shrugged, "I figured of any of us you would be most on board for that."

Shaking his head, Raphael decided it wasn't worth the fight and resumed his course towards the lake, "You guys are a real pain in the shell."

"Awe admit it bro," Michelangelo latched onto Raphael's neck as he hugged him, "You missed us!"

Opting to ignore that particularly loaded question, said addressed turtle paused again, "Fine, you can ride, but if you keep hugging me like that you can walk." When Michelangelo released him he glared sharply at the others, "And that goes for you two bozos as well."

Donatello laughed at Leonardo, "You were right. He really is still the same old Raph."

Frowning, unimpressed, Raphael crossed the threshold into the woods, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Quit being so sensitive, Raph." Leonardo teased, "We're just joshing you."

"Hmph." Green eyes continued to stare resolutely ahead. He didn't want to acknowledge any of the emotions he was feeling. They all were still too hot and fresh. Raphael had no idea how his brothers managed to act so casual – as though riding on their giant sibling's shoulder was a perfectly mundane and routine activity.

As they continued down the path, Raphael refrained from rejoining the conversation – which was more than a little odd since his head was literally in the middle of it; instead, he idly listened to his brothers' chatter without really absorbing any of it. Finally, when they reached the shore of the wide open expanse of clear water, he knelt down, "Alright, ride's over. Get off."

Leonardo and Donatello surprisingly obeyed without further comment, but Michelangelo stubbornly stayed put, "No way dude."

"Mikey…" Raphael pinched the scales between his eyes, "Why the hell not?"

"Seriously?" The youngest eagerly pointed to center of the lake, "If I jump off of you out there I bet I could get the most epic of turtle dives!"

"Mikey, I gave you a ride." Pulling his hand away, the older turtle hissed, "But there is no way in hell you are making me your diving board!"

Then, the next thing he knew, Michelangelo had jumped onto his palm, went on his knees, and clasped his hands together before giving Raphael his best Bambi eyes, "Pleaaaaaase Raph? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll give you my Noxious Avenger comic issue number twenty-six!"

"I don't want your stupid comics Mikey!" Raphael retorted, "In case you hadn't noticed, I have outgrown most books, _literally_!"

"Oh…" For a beat the youngest lost his demeanor before regaining his swagger, "Well I could read 'em to you!"

Quickly losing his patience, the giant turtle rolled his eyes, "I don't need you reading me bedtime stories, doofus."

"Come on Raph," Blue eyes continued to widen pitifully, "There must be something you want!"

"There is." The elder returned flatly, "For you to get off!"

"Why don't you just chuck him in the lake Raph?" Leonardo offered, "You had no problems doing that to me last night."

"You know Leo," Raphael gave an evil smirk, "That's not a bad idea."

"Whoa wait–" But before Michelangelo could say anything else, his brother wrapped his fingers around him before whipping his arm out, sending the youngest flying.

After a moment, the turtle crashed into the center of the lake and as he surfaced, he was met by his three siblings' laughter. With that out of the way, Raphael lowered himself into the shallows where Leonardo and Donatello were already paddling. Plastron-side down, enjoying the feel of the water and the sunlight on his scales, green eyes closed in blissful preparation to nap while basking. However, his eyes were closed only a minute before an all-too-familiar enthusiastic voice was in his face, "That was awesome! Do it again!"

Raphael opened one eyelid to see Michelangelo with orange mask dripping, beaming at him. Groaning he opened both eyes, "Go away Mikey."

"Pleaaaaaase Raph!"

Now the youngest had his hands on his big brother's cheekbones, leaving Raphael slightly cross-eyed and more annoyed than ever. Shooting a brief glare at Leonardo for his stupid suggestion, the larger returned his gaze to his current pest, "What part of "no" don't you understand, shell head?"

"I have selective hearing." Michelangelo replied simply.

"Of course you do." Emerald eyes rolled. At his remaining two siblings' snickering he snapped, "You two could help me out here you know."

"Naw." Donatello smirked, "It's much more fun over here in the peanut gallery."

"Besides," Leonardo continued, "Think of it as revenge for us being stuck with him for the last eight years. You owe us some time off bro."

At his elder brothers' words, Michelangelo frowned slightly, "I'm right here you guys…"

Feeling an old forgotten ache deep inside, Raphael found himself winking at his baby brother. Smoothly, he sat up, dripping water down onto the younger, before pouncing on Leonardo and Donatello. With each in one hand, he simultaneously chucked them up into the air and into a particularly muddy and duck-weed filled patch of water. When the two surfaced, sputtering debris out of their mouths, Michelangelo was back on Raphael's palm laughing right along with the massive turtle.

"Very funny guys." Leonardo shook his arms in an attempt to loosen the sludgy water.

Donatello spat his tongue out, "I think I swallowed some!"

Grinning mischievously at his charge once more, Raphael sank back into the water while simultaneously placing the small turtle on the edge of his carapace, which was usually reserved for April, "Come on little brother. Let's leave this two knobs to clean up their act."

"Yeah!" The absolute joy in Michelangelo's voice was sincere, "Who needs those two stiffs anyway?"

"Not us." Raphael chuckled as he steadily swam into deeper water.

Once they reached essentially the deepest part of the lake, which was quite far from shore, Raphael flipped onto his shell and acted as a floating dock for his baby brother. Most of the time, Michelangelo dove off of various body parts, but every so often, Raphael would gift his brother with a throw so that the younger could really get some air. A few times, the borderline leviathan of a turtle would have Michelangelo grasp hold of his carapace while he swam as fast as he could below the surface. Raphael would dart here and there, giving the younger the best ride he could before rocketing up to breach the surface. If he did it just right, Raphael could get enough air himself to jump out of the water like a fish before careening back into the lake.

Meanwhile, it seemed as though Donatello and Leonardo were content to rest in the shallows and bask while they watched their two playful brothers reconnect. They wanted to spend time with Raphael as well, but it became quickly apparent, once the remaining goo was shed from their scales, that something special was blossoming between the two siblings. Neither turtle wanted to interrupt it.

So instead, they took joy in seeing their brothers unwind. Something both were all too aware Michelangelo hadn't truly done in ages. He put on a brave face, but Leonardo and Donatello knew Raphael's absence had still left a profound mark on the family's baby. It was no secret to any of them that over the last few years Michelangelo had become a chronic insomniac, sometimes going days at a time with only a handful of hours of sleep. Seeing him so carefree, moved both siblings in a way they could never hope to explain; it simply made them happy. Finally their family was starting to heal.

After a series of pretty impressive jumps, Raphael was panting. Plucking Michelangelo off his carapace, the larger rolled back onto his shell before placing him gently on his plastron, "Sorry bro, I gotta take a break."

The last time Raphael took a break like this, Michelangelo, the ever-energetic, simply entertained himself by going back to his diving routine. However, instead this time the freckled turtle planted himself cross-legged onto his brother's chest plates. Folding his arms behind his head to try and get a better angle to observe his sibling, Raphael quirked an eye ridge, "What? Don't tell me you're running out of steam Mikey."

"Of course not!" Michelangelo grinned, "I just need a break too."

Raphael did not miss the subtle change in his brother's demeanor. He may have been gone a long time, but he knew when Michelangelo's smiles did not reach his eyes, "What's wrong?" Michelangelo pulled his drenched mask from his eyes, letting it fall loosely around his neck. Despite rubbing at them, his green hands could not disguise the dark circles that marred his once-bright eyes. Startled, Raphael tensed, "Geezus Mikey! When was the last time you slept?"

Suddenly aware that Raphael likely didn't know much about his many sleepless nights, Michelangelo quickly pulled his mask back on. He knew April likely had to have mentioned it, but even she did not know how bad the insomnia had gotten. Not wanting to draw attention to it, the youngest waved nonchalantly, "Thursday. With all the chaos of the last few days it was hard to get in any shut eye."

Raphael didn't buy it, "Why didn't you sleep last night then? Or on the ride here?"

"I get carsick." Michelangelo hated the taste of the lie in his mouth as he continued, "And uh… I was just too revved up to sleep last night."

"You don't get carsick Mikey." The elder returned bluntly.

"How do you know?" Suddenly Michelangelo was on the defensive, "It's not like you've been around the last eight years!"

Surprised by the sudden venom in Michelangelo's voice, Raphael was quiet for a long while. His brother was right. He hadn't been around. How would he know about his sibling's sleeping patterns?

That's the thing: he wouldn't.

He also would no longer have the trust he once had with his family, which meant he had no right to probe into Michelangelo's privacy. So he took a step back, "You're right. I haven't been around, which means it's none of my business. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo blinked in shock at Raphael's sudden surrender. In the past, his brother would have never just given up like that in _anything_. He would have pried until Michelangelo relented, and he certainly would have never apologized for pushing in the first place.

At the younger's lack of response, Raphael began paddling absently. It gave him something to do. He hurt, a lot.

However, he wasn't the only one.

As much as he wanted to just swim away and be alone, he had placed the ball in Michelangelo's court and although it thoroughly sucked, he would just have to wait until his brother gave it back. So determined was he to take as much pressure off the younger as possible, when Michelangelo finally took a breath to respond, Raphael's eyes remained trained on the sky above, "You were right. You are different."

They both knew he wasn't talking about the physical. Raphael continued to examine the sky, "Eight years is a long time."

"Yeah…" The elder felt Michelangelo fidget, "It is."

Green eyes watched the distant clouds above. Not knowing what to do he just said what came to mind, "I'm pretty sure it's been April's personal mission to catch me up on every movie and show that I've missed since I left."

"Dude," The younger's voice lightened significantly, "By the time she catches you up you'll just be behind again."

"That's what I told her." Raphael gave a puff of laughter, "But you know April. Once she sets her mind on something nothing'll stop her."

"Yeah…" Michelangelo replied softly, "She's awesome like that."

Feeling the tension rising again, the elder ceased his paddling, dipping the back of his head in the water, "You want me to take you back to shore?"

"No!"

He was far from convinced, "You sure?"

Suddenly a pair of blue eyes met his green, "Yes! I might never get another chance like this."

Raphael wasn't sure how he felt about Michelangelo standing on his forehead like he was, but he kept his tone gentle considering the younger's words. "I'm not going anywhere Mikey."

"How do I know that?"

The older mutant could not deny he was horrified by how bright his little brother's eyes had become. Plucking his sibling off of his face, Raphael righted himself in the water. Treading as steadily as he could, he directed all his attention to the freckled turtle, "Mikey…"

But Michelangelo cut him off, "Don't "Mikey" me! Come on Raph! How am I supposed to know?"

Raphael opened his mouth, but the youngest plowed on, "What proof do I have that the second you're given the opportunity you won't just jettison from our lives again? What evidence is there that you even want to be with us now?!"

Attempting to interject yet again, the elder was ignored, "I mean, if it wasn't for April you would have never come out of hiding in the first place!"

"Mikey!" Fiery coils of anger were coursing through Raphael's gut. "Shut up!"

Blue eyes brimmed with tears, which left Raphael feeling more than a little shitty, "Awe geez Mikey… Don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" Michelangelo snapped as he viciously wiped at his face. Realizing it was a futile attempt, he pulled his hands away before slumping forlornly into Raphael's palms. After a moment of silence he glared up, "Well what are you waiting for? Just get it over with already."

Utterly confused, Raphael tilted his head, "Get what over?"

Blue eyes narrowed, "Aren't you going to tease me? Call me a crybaby?"

"Why would I do that?" The giant turtle responded in disbelief.

"Because I am one! Leo and Donnie are always saying I cry too much!" He then jabbed a finger in the larger's direction, "And you used to call me a crybaby all the time!"

For a moment, all Raphael could do was blink stunned at the turtle in his hands.

He had forgotten.

Once upon a time, he _had_ teased Michelangelo endlessly about being a crybaby. Yet, now, seeing the exhausted turtle in his hold, all he could feel was a curdling guilt and sickening self-loathing that whether intentionally or not, he was partially to blame for leaving his brother in such a poor mental state. "I'm…" His mouth felt tacky, "I am so sorry, Mikey."

When Michelangelo didn't respond, opting to adamantly stare at his lap instead, a new memory blossomed into Raphael's mind from a time when they were much younger. In it was a little freckled turtle, repeatedly going into Raphael's room night after night after awakening from a nightmare. Even as they grew older, Michelangelo still kept coming back. No matter how old they got, the world always had supplied more than enough fuel for the youngest's incredible imagination. Often his mind provided him with endless joy. Yet, every gift has a dark side and for Michelangelo, his vivid subconscious had always yielded nightmares of an untold capacity to terrify.

Looking down at his baby brother now, it all made sense. Raphael had left and when he had, there was no one to go to at night. Sure, Leonardo and Donatello on occasion would provide the youngest comfort, but it was only Raphael who had never turned away his youngest sibling. It was only Raphael who knew when Michelangelo was experiencing a particularly bad bout of night horrors and instinctively knew to invite his brother to his room to sleep until the wave had passed.

Finding his voice again, Raphael's tone was grave, "You still have nightmares don't you?"

Michelangelo's voice quivered as he exhaled, "Every night since you left."

That left Raphael speechless. How the hell could this have happened? How had things gotten so messed up? Here was his baby brother essentially confessing he hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages and it was entirely Raphael's fault. Not wanting to believe it, his voice shook, "D-do you mean t-to tell me that you haven't had one good sleep in _eight years_?"

"Oh I've had a few here and there." Finally pale blue eyes turned up, "But usually that's only been after Donatello has drugged me to sleep out of desperation."

"Shit Mikey." Raphael felt his own eyes watering now, "This is all my fault. I am so sorry. Fuck… Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it."

Yet, even though he had every reason to lash out, Michelangelo didn't. Instead he shook his head as he stood, "No Raph. It's not."

"You stopped sleeping the day I left." The elder's tone held nothing but self-torment, "How is that not my fault?"

Michelangelo's eyes were solemn, "Because I just never really grew up Raph. I've always been permanently set on being the baby brother. Then you grew up and I didn't. And when you left… Well it wasn't your fault that I just couldn't accept it."

"B-but I…" Raphael tried to find his words, "I should have stayed. I should have –"

Once more the youngest shook his head, this time a sad little grin was nestled onto his lips, "No Raph, you shouldn't have stayed. You needed to go figure yourself out." He then rubbed at his arm guiltily, "But I can't lie to you. Now that you're back part of me is terrified you're going to leave again. And maybe it's selfish of me, but if you do, I know I'll hate you for it."

He was petrified of what the answer could be but he had to ask, "Did you hate me when I left? Do you… Do you hate me now?"

"You know," Michelangelo looked off into the distance, "For a long time I really did." His blue eyes came back to meet his brother's loaded with icy steel, "I loathed your stinking guts. I hated that you could just up and leave us like that, but then time went on and I stopped wondering why you did it. Instead I started wondering if you were happy. If you had finally found what you were looking for. Because well… Obviously you weren't getting what you needed with us.

"And then," His eyes softened, "When April said you were still alive, I suddenly knew none of that really mattered. I just wanted to see you again. More than anything I just wanted to know if you really truly were okay." A tiny smirk formed on his freckled face, "I admit the size thing was a little surprising, but then even before I had a chance to really process it, you were taken. And my big brother was gone - _again_.

"Then I knew for sure. I couldn't bear to lose you." His expression darkened, "I _refused_ to lose you. And that's why, although I don't hate you now; I know if you leave us like that again, _I will_."

Unsure what to say next, Michelangelo saved Raphael the trouble when he continued, "But whenever you return, I'll always forgive you."

Blinking back tears, Raphael murmured, "Mikey, I… I don't know what to say." He shook his head trying to organize his thoughts, "I don't deserve you."

"None of you do." Michelangelo scoffed, "But I don't deserve you either so I guess that makes us even." Chuckling, Raphael couldn't help but lift his baby brother to his face to nuzzle him. "Umm… What are you doing Raph?" Yet despite his initial protest, the youngest was quickly overjoyed at the attention, "I was right! You do miss my hugs."

Brushing his beak repeatedly over Michelangelo's carapace, Raphael mumbled, "So what if I did? Sue me."

Eventually, Raphael eased himself back onto his shell to resume floating effortlessly in the water. Obviously content, Michelangelo laid plastron-side down onto Raphael's chest. For a while they just glided along chatting about nothing, simple enjoying the other's presence. After a while though, the sun finally began to set and the elder found himself rolling back over to swim them both to shore. While still far out of ear shot of the others, Raphael tried to casually remark, "You know… It's kind of weird sleeping here. I mean… It's just a lot different from my place in the sub sewers." He huffed in frustration at his lack of subtlety, "I guess what I'm saying is that I could use some company in the barn until April gets back."

"Really?!" Even though he couldn't see his face, Raphael could hear both joy and a definite hint of relief in Michelangelo's voice, "Bro! We can totally have a slumber party!"

He rolled his eyes, but was unable to not smile himself, "We are not calling it that."

"Why not?" Raphael could feel Michelangelo leaning forward over the edge of his massive carapace, "Slumber parties are great!"

Still, the satisfaction he felt at his sibling's glee did not keep him from establishing his rightful role of big brother, "I don't care how "great" they are. You keep calling it that and my offer's off the table."

Tensing briefly, the youngest retried, "On second thought, how about we hold off on naming it?"

"That's better." Raphael smirked before softening his tone, "Don't worry. No nightmare is gonna dare sneak up on you on my watch, little brother." Stepping into the shallows, the giant turtle rose up onto two legs. With Michelangelo still on his shell Raphael cracked his knuckles menacingly, "They even attempt to show their ugly mugs and they'll have to answer to me."

"Who's answering to you?" Leonardo and Donatello had seen their siblings coming, and were standing on the shore waiting. The eldest turtle was tilting his head questioningly, but had a slight smile on his face.

Folding his arms behind his head, Raphael answered, "Anyone who messes with my little brother." At Donatello and Leonardo's shared looks, he amended with a smug smirk, "Actually anyone who messes with any of my _little brothers_ will be in deep shit."

" _Little_ _brothers_?" Leonardo bristled as he cottoned onto Raphael's meaning, "I'm still older than you!"

"Yet you're still the smallest, short stack." Raphael laughed, "And that makes you my _little brother_."

"If you think for one second I'm going to start calling you big brother, Raph…" The eldest folded his arms across his chest grumbling.

"But it sounds so sweet coming from your lips, Leo." The giant turtle jeered as he crouched down to give this particular brother his best shit-filled grin.

"You are something else, you know that?" Leonardo huffed as he set off towards the farm house.

"Where have I heard that before?" Raphael winked at Michelangelo, who was now comfortably seated on his shoulder, before rising.

Michelangelo's smile was just as mischievous, "Oh man Raph, do you know how long it's been since Dr. Prankenstein had an ally?"

"Oh geez…" Donatello gave Leonardo a wary look, "You know where this is going."

Grinning evilly the green-eyed turtle answered, "Betcha Dr. Prankenstein never thought he'd have a giant turtle on his side."

At Michelangelo's maniacal cackles, Leonardo moaned as Donatello placed a hand on his shell for support, "Donnie we are so screwed."

"Don't be so pessimistic Leo." Raphael smirked, "A prank never hurt anyone."

"Pranks aren't usually pulled by twenty-seven foot mutant turtles, Raphael." Donatello retorted.

"A minor detail." Said described mutant shrugged.

"Again I reiterate," the eldest sighed, "We are so screwed Donnie."

"Yep." Donatello nodded sagely.

With the farmhouse off in the distance, Michelangelo reminded, "Hey at least sensei is here. As long as he's around you know I have to keep it low key."

"When has that ever stopped you before?" Leonardo replied in exasperation.

"It definitely didn't stop you from sticking yellow feathers to my carapace with crazy glue and calling me bird brain for a week." The purple-clad turtled bemoaned.

"Nor did it stop you from putting fast-drying orange paint over my bedroom door so when I went through I got coated in it and left me neon orange for weeks." The eldest recalled.

"Didn't stop you from rigging my drum set so that every time I went to play them they spouted sneezing powder at me." Raphael added.

"Dude," Michelangelo frowned at the sibling who carried him, "I thought you said you were on my team?"

"I am." Raphael agreed, "But we both know you've pranked me more than once over the years."

"Which is all the more reason why you should be pranking Raph instead of us." Donatello suggested, "You have a lot of catching up to do, Mikey."

"Bro," Michelangelo shook his head, "I can't do that! Raph could more than clobber me before. Do you know what he could do to me _now?!_ "

"He makes a good point." Leonardo acquiesced to his mahogany-eyed brother.

"Don't go siding with them!" Donatello objected, "I need at least one ally Leo!"

"I'm not siding with them." The eldest countered, "I was just saying…"

"It's okay to admit you're scared Leo." Raphael chuckled, "You have every reason to be."

"Yesh." Donatello rolled his eyes, "How smug can you be?"

"It's not pride if you can back it up." The massive turtle rolled his colossal shoulders in demonstration.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's still pride." Leonardo corrected "Or at least narcissism."

Donatello grinned approvingly at Leonardo's word choice before interjecting his own remark, "You know what they say, Raph, "Pride comes before the fall.""

"And you are pretty tall, which means you have a lot farther to fall dude." Michelangelo less-than-helpfully pointed out.

"Right." Raphael muttered, "I was wondering why I felt so confident lately. It's because I got away from you dweebs for a while."

"I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you were pretty cocky well before you left, Raph." Donatello returned.

"Or at least you pretended to be." Michelangelo spoke quietly so that only Raphael could hear.

Grateful for his baby brother's words, Raphael gave the youngest a quick nuzzle before regaining his swagger, "Well whatever my ego was it was no thanks to you shell heads."

"We missed you too meathead." Mahogany eyes glared up at the towering turtle.

Green eyes did not fail to glower back, "You know I'm sad I missed your feather prank Mikey. You really should think about giving it another go. Donnie and Bird Brain just seem to go so darn well together."

"You bet they do!" Michelangelo giggled, "Like peanut butter and jelly or bagels and cream cheese!"

"Man I just realized…" Raphael sighed reminiscently, "I haven't had peanut butter in forever. I can barely even remember what the stuff tastes like."

"Probably a heck of a lot better than your primary diet of algae and squirrelanoid." Leonardo replied.

"Hey! That reminds me!" Without hesitation, Michelangelo was hugging at Raphael's chin, "Raph, when we get back to the city what are the chances you'd be willing to eat of all the squirrelanoids?"

Raphael detached Michelangelo from his chin, "Hold on." Before coming to a dead halt, "Since when are you okay with my eating squirrelanoids? Last time I checked you guys were ready to barf when it came up."

"Correction," Donatello raised a finger in gesture, "Mikey wants you to eat squirrelanoids. Not the rest of us. The last thing you need is to ingest any more mutagen, Raphael."

"And he only wants you to eat them because he's scared of them." Leonardo finished.

"Not this again." Folding his arms firmly across his plastron, Raphael moved into a crouch so he could glare at each in turn, "First of all, Mikey, no I am not going to clear out the sewers of squirrelanoids just because they freak you out. Second of all, Leo, he should be scared of them, and so should you. And third of all," His eyes narrowed at Donatello, "Whether or not I decide to eat more of those mutant fuzz balls is none of your business, Donatello."

Not at all impressed by the direction this conversation was going, Leonardo barked, "Donnie's right Raph! You can't just keep eating those things!"

"All the added mutagen to your DNA could have detrimental effects Raph!" Donatello affirmed, "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm telling you because I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"Except I've been eating them for the last eight years and so far there's no mutant tentacles or extra limbs or other freaky things growing out of me. If I was going to really mutate Donnie, I would have done so already." Raphael tried to explain.

"Raphael!" Donatello threw his arms wide in exasperation, "You've already begun to really mutate! You're nearly a thirty foot tall giant turtle! You're essentially a mini Gamera!"

"Well except you don't fly around shooting flames out of your shell." Michelangelo quietly quipped from his shoulder perch.

Ignoring Michelangelo's flame comment, Raphael countered, "We've been through this Donnie! I was already massive before I even started eating those things!"

"Maybe so, but you eating them has undoubtedly exacerbated the original problem!" The second youngest snapped.

"For the love of –" The giant turtle pushed his fists briefly against his eyes before opening his arms in frustration, "Why is it that my initial growth had to be a problem?! Why the hell did you suddenly dub me the black sheep? The outsider? What was so wrong with me just being a little bigger than you?"

" _A little bigger?_ " Leonardo exclaimed, "Raph, when you left you were almost nine feet tall!"

"Yeah and it wouldn't have been such a big problem if you three didn't laugh at me about it all the time!" The addressed turtle retorted.

"We didn't laugh–"

"Don't give me that crap, Leo." Raphael cut him off, "You jumped on practically every opportunity to make me feel like even more of a freak than I already was! With the way you guys used to treat me you cannot be that surprised that I finally got fed up with it and called it quits."

With his words hanging in the air, the three smaller turtles exchanged silent looks. Finally, after a prolonged silence, Michelangelo spoke, "We never thought you were a freak Raph."

"You could have fooled me." The massive turtle plucked the tiny turtle off of his shoulder to place him on the ground beside Leonardo. "What was it you called me?" His tone was painfully light before darkening dramatically, "Oh right, _Raphzilla_."

Michelangelo visibly flinched while the other two simply fidgeted uncomfortably. Feeling thoroughly wretched, Raphael shook his head before adjusting his posture to stand. However, before he did, Michelangelo cried, "Why do you think I have nightmares all the time, Raph?" Green eyes widened subtly in realization as his brother continued, "Not a day goes by that I don't regret the things I said and the things I did to you."

"Mikey…" Leonardo placed a hand on his sibling's freckled shoulder, "This isn't all your fault."

"I'm not saying it is." Shaking Leonardo off, the youngest's fist clenched at his sides, "But that doesn't mean I can't recognize that I still played a part in it all." His eyes hardened to a metallic blue, "Maybe my actions alone didn't push Raph away, but they certainly didn't help. So when he really needed someone, it's not surprising that he didn't feel he could come to us – to _me_." He hugged himself as the final words of his confession streamed out, "And as much as I hated him for leaving, if it had been me, I probably would have done the exact same thing."

Donatello bowed his head, "That makes two of us…"

"Yeah… Same here…" Leonardo sighed, "I'm sorry Raph."

"I'm sorry too." Donatello's mahogany eyes were bright when he looked up from the ground.

"We're all sorry." Michelangelo revised, "We really let you down, Raph."

For the duration of his baby brother's speech and the apologies that sprang to all their lips soon after, Raphael had been frozen in place. Not only even after so long had his brothers remembered how things had ended before he left, but Raphael's siblings had undoubtedly spent every day since thinking about their lost brother just as much as he himself had. Raphael was not the only one who had spent time lost within a cavern of memories. Yet, April had been right. There were still carvings left to make.

"Guys I…" Raphael shook his head as he tried to solidify his thoughts, "Can we… Can we just start over? Trust me, I get it. We all screwed up. There's no doubt about it, but we can't change it. We can't change that I was MIA for eight years, we can't change that I ate all of those squirrelanoids, and we can't change that I grew into this whether because of my 'noid mutagen diet or something else." He exhaled as he tried again, "I mean… We can't keep living in the past. The reality is I'm a giant freaking turtle now but even so, at least I'm a giant freaking turtle in North Hampton with his brothers than a giant freaking turtle in the sub sewers of New York City living alone."

"He's right." Donatello nodded, "After eight years we are finally all together again."

"Reunited with our lost brother at last." Leonardo grinned.

"Mikey?" Raphael turned to his final sibling.

Blue eyes looked up to meet his big brother's green before a stunning smile lit up every inch of freckled face, "Does that mean Leo and Donnie are invited to our slumber party?"

Leonardo turned in confusion to Donatello, "A slumber what?"

However, before the eldest's words were barely out of his mouth, Raphael was pouncing after Michelangelo, "MIKEY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL IT THAT!"

Utterly elated, the agile turtle just barely skipped out of his massive brother's reach while fiendishly giggling.

Michelangelo would sleep soundly that night.

* * *

 **A/N Wow. This was a bit of a beastie of a chapter, which is probably good because with school heating up I'll have way less time to update from now on. I'll do my best, but I have exams pretty much twice a week, every week from now until Christmas. Thank-you so much for reading and reviewing everyone!**

 **Also, the wonderful Setoangel01 once again blessed me with fanart! This time it's of the whole gang so you all need to go and check it out! Stat!**


	27. Chapter 27

Growing Pains

Chapter 27

Leonardo awoke with a start. Opening his eyes to see him and his brothers surrounded by nothing but an enormous wall of shell and muscle, left his heart racing. For several agonizing breaths he had no idea where he was and was sure they were trapped by yet another mutant monster. Then the strong scent of straw was soon followed by Raphael's unique spicy musk, and Leonardo's cobalt eyes focused onto his massive brother's sleeping face.

Right.

He hadn't been dreaming it. His brother really was a colossal mutant turtle. His slumbering gigantic body seamlessly curled up around his comparatively tiny brothers only reiterated the fact.

The night previous, Michelangelo had coerced the four of them into the barn practically begging for them all to spend the night together. Leonardo couldn't deny his youngest sibling's argument for nostalgia was appealing. It would be just like old times.

They could pretend they were kids again as though the last several years had never been…

But everything _had_ changed and they _were_ different.

And yet, despite all that had happened, they were willing to try. They wanted to make up for lost time. They wanted to be the brothers they once were. So even if it lasted only one night, it was a beginning. A place to start, and that was more than any of them had hoped for not so long ago.

With such an opportunity at his fingertips, Leonardo could hardly back out. His brothers were willing and so was he. Come nightfall, Splinter was left to his own devices in the farmhouse. With sleeping bags tossed over their shoulders and pillows under arm, the three turtles made their way out to the barn. There was no denying some underlying anxiety still lingered in each brother's thoughts, but a new eagerness accompanied their steps which lessened the steel of their nerves.

Upon entering the barn, Leonardo had to admit he was impressed. In the short time it had taken the smaller turtles to gather their belongings, Raphael had taken it upon himself to build a pseudo-nest in the center of the barn. The eldest was sure the straw within the nest was the softest of the lot, and when combined with the numerous blankets the larger had somehow procured, the three small turtles were more than comfortable. Green eyes had watched them silently as they unrolled their sleeping bags, and it was only once his brothers were settled that Raphael carefully laid down before curling up around them.

There was something inherently comforting about the position Raphael took. It was odd to be sure, but there was a definite sense of security that his large form provided. It had not been difficult for Leonardo to fall asleep and sleep he did. However, the deepness of his slumber was not to last. Come the wee hours of the morning, his mind found its way into a realm of subconscious anxiety and all too soon his dreams were warping into a reality that had left his heart pounding.

Yes, Raphael was currently large, but he had nothing on his nightmarish doppelganger of Leonardo's dreams. He had been huge. Huge didn't even cover it. This Raphael had towered over even the New York City skyline, and all of it had stemmed from his devouring of squirrelanoids.

In his dream, Leonardo had been horrified when they had finally returned to the city only for Raphael to immediately hunt after the squirrel mutants with a terrifying fervour. His brothers tried to stop him, but it had been to no avail. The more they tried to intervene, the more determined Raphael had been to consume the mutants. The dream climaxed as Raphael, now taller than even the highest skyscraper, swallowed the last squirrelanoid while his brothers had watched helpless from a rooftop nearby. Only then, did Raphael turn his dark emerald gaze in their direction. He had smiled, and even awake, the thought of those bloody teeth made Leonardo shudder. Yet, that gory grin did not scare him as much as his brother's next words had, " _Who's next?"_

The demonic laughter following had jolted Leonardo awake in a cold sweat. Then, to have his frenzied eyes met with the silhouette of his massive brother… It left him reeling. It didn't matter if this Raphael was clearly different – and significantly smaller – than his nightmarish self, to the eldest turtle, the dream was too fresh, the bile too raw.

Silently, Leonardo detached himself from Michelangelo's and Donatello's sleeping forms. He didn't care if it was four in the morning; he desperately needed the fresh air to clear his head. However, just as he began to tiptoe past Raphael's slumbering face, green eyes snapped open. Freezing out of both instinct and the remnant darkness leeching from his dreams into reality, all Leonardo could do was silently return his brother's stare. After several long, terse seconds, Raphael inhaled before abruptly narrowing his eyes and whispering, "What's wrong?"

All too quickly, Leonardo peeped out, "Nothing."

If his high-pitched voice hadn't given him away, the eldest turtle's appearance certainly had. However, Raphael did not react to either of these observations. Instead, he flicked his green eyes towards the exit, clearly signalling Leonardo to leave. Nodding out of gratitude, the older reptile carefully continued his way out of the barn. Once outside, he embraced the crisp cool fall morning air. His relief was short-lived however, when he sensed a looming presence behind him. Leonardo turned just in time to see Raphael ease the barn door closed before his gigantic brother returned his attention to him. Swallowing, Leonardo stepped back. Narrowing his eyes, Raphael lifted an eye ridge, "What's up with you?"

Closing his eyes briefly, Leonardo tried to school his thoughts. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. Raphael wasn't a monster. Yet, opening his blue eyes to be met with this turtle whom was so very different from the brother he grew up with, just made his heart hammer harder. Trying to take another unobtrusive step back, Leonardo shook his head, "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Yeah?" Raphael responded bluntly, "You don't look fine."

"I just had a bad dream." Opting to just turn around and give the guise he just needed a walk, adamantly admonishing himself for feeling this way towards his brother, he returned, "That's all."

"Right…" The large turtle clearly sounded unconvinced, "Must have been a hellva a dream to make you smell like that."

Immediately Leonardo's attention was spurred so he spun around, "What is that supposed to mean? Do I stink or something?!"

"Don't misunderstand me, Leo." Raphael remained on all fours as he took a tentative step closer, "I just can smell way better than you can. Remember?"

Folding his arms, forcing his feet to remain in place, Leonardo glared up, "So? What's that have to do with anything?"

He returned flatly, "You stink of adrenalin and sweat." Before tilting his head slightly in concern, "You smell like fear, bro."

That had Leonardo gawking wide-eyed for a second. Trying to regain himself he turned away again, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Must be really bothering you if you're willing to lie through your teeth about it."

"You don't know anything!" Abruptly, the eldest spun around again to hiss, "You don't know what it's like!"

Raphael did not hesitate to meet his stare, "Try me."

Yet, when Leonardo caught the glimmer of genuine concern in Raphael's emerald depths he utterly deflated. There was no way he could tell his brother. They were already on precarious enough ground as it was. All it took was one wrong word and the whole thing could go up in flames. Besides, with his track record, if anyone was going to unintentionally set Raphael off, it would be him. Sighing he looked away, "Trust me. You don't want to know."

The larger studied Leonardo for several long seconds before lifting his eyes away to look up at the early morning stars, "Alright. You don't have to tell me. It might do you good though."

Leonardo gave a dark puff of laughter, "Not this time. This is better left unsaid."

"Hmm." Green eyes remained fixed on the stars above, "You might be right," He then began to walk away from the barn out into the open, "But if you continue to ignore it I bet my monster doppelganger will keep making appearances."

Once more Leonardo's jaw was unhinged. Eyes wide with shock he called to his brother's back, "How did you…?"

The addressed turtle briefly looked over his shoulder, "Think you're the only one with those dreams?" Before turning away, "I've had them for years."

Leonardo ran to catch up, "That still doesn't explain –"

Raphael stopped, cutting the elder off when he appeared at the base of his hands, "How I knew that was specifically what you were dreaming about? Well for starters you were staring at me like I was the devil himself back in there. Not to mention how when we finally got outside you kept backpedalling away from me, but what really tipped me off," He smirked, "Was the mumbling you were doing in your sleep."

Horrified, Leonardo denied, "I don't talk in my sleep!"

"Oh yes you do." Green eyes were sober and knowing, "Don't make me start quoting your whimpers. It won't do either of us any good."

Indigo eyes remained fixed in mortification on Raphael's. Here he was trying so hard not to screw up their delicate wisp of a relationship and his damn subconscious was out to betray him. Folding his face into his hands, Leonardo sunk into the grass, "Shit…"

He snorted, "Wow. It's a big deal if Lame-n-ardo is cussing over it." At the lack of response, Raphael sighed as he sunk his plastron down onto the grass. Knowing that was as close to eye level as he was going to get, he faced his big brother, "You know I'd never do that right?" At Leonardo's continued silence he elaborated, "I mean eat you. I'd never do that. That's so wrong on so many levels." Still met with nothing he tried again, "Besides, I'm pretty sure if I ate Mikey I'd get food poisoning. Do you know what that guy was telling me he's eaten in just the last week alone?"

Eyes peeking from behind his fingers, Leonardo gave a small puff of a laugh, "I doubt Donnie would be much better. He eats nothing but junk food and only drinks something if it's caffeinated. You probably wouldn't be able to sleep for a week."

"And what about you?" The larger teased, "I eat you and I would probably end up addicted to Space Heroes or something."

"Hey!" Leonardo finally looked up fully, "It's a good show!"

However, Raphael didn't counter back. Instead he spoke calmly, "Stuck in nightmares every night… It can't keep going on like this bro."

"I know." The eldest frowned down at his lap, "I'm not much of a leader if I can't keep myself awake."

"Leo…" The larger sighed, "Don't take this all on your own. You, Mikey, April, me, hell," He sighed, "Bet if I asked, even Donnie would tell me he's been getting about as much sleep as we have. Not sleeping. Having nightmares all the time. It's gotta stop." Green eyes met the older pointedly, "For all of us."

"Yeah?" Green hands ran over the worn blue fabric at the sides of his head, "And how do you propose we do that?"

"Don't know." Raphael lay his head down onto his folded arms before tilting it sideways, "I just know something's gotta change."

Leonardo rolled his eyes, "Helpful."

His brother simply shrugged in response, "I don't have all the answers, Leo."

"Oh and I do?" He scoffed, "Don't you think if I knew how to stop the dreams I would have done so already?"

Green eyes narrowed a fraction as the younger lifted his head off his arms, "Don't start being an ass, Leo. You know I didn't mean it like that."

"I know…" Suddenly Leonardo shimmied forward and once he was close enough he slumped over using Raphael's wrists to support his weight via his forehead, "I'm just so tired Raph."

Noting his brother's sad position for a moment, "Yeah…"Raphael exhaled softly, "I am too." He then gently nudged Leonardo with his beak, "But you know, it won't always be so hard."

"No?" The elder lifted his head just enough for his younger brother to catch sight of his cobalt eyes.

"I mean…" Raphael looked skyward searching for the right words, "It's only been a couple of days, but when I think about you know… B _efore_ and compare it to the present. Well… It's a lot better now. Just _easier_."

"Maybe you're right…" Leonardo was silent a long moment before he lifted his head to speak again, "It's easy to forget what this all must be like for you."

"I can't say it's been the best time of my life." Emerald gaze turned back to earth, "Although seeing you ready to wet yourself on the docks when you saw me the other night was pretty entertaining."

"Haha. Very funny." The older shook his head before becoming solemn, "Doesn't it bug you though that it was the shock of seeing you so big that left me so rattled?"

It was a forward question, but neither of the eldest turtles had ever hesitated to dance around the truth with each other. They had a habit of prodding the difficult even if it meant the risk of it exploding in their faces. Yet, this time Raphael felt no anger. Just a molten frost that dripped into his insides, "Do you really want me to answer that Leo?"

Indigo eyes were unwavering and all the younger could do was release a long exhale before gracing Leonardo with his own penetrating emerald stare, "It was probably one of the worst moments of my life. Seeing you scared so shitless just by the sight of me… I'm never going to forget the look you had on your face."

Ultimately Leonardo was the first to look away, "I don't blame you."

"That's good." Abruptly blue eyes returned to green, "Because I don't blame you either."

The elder couldn't disguise his look of bewilderment, "But you should! I'm your brother! Brothers don't treat each other like that!"

"Yeah and in that moment you could barely believe it was me. Doesn't matter if it was your brother or not. You still had a giant angry-as-fuck turtle looming over you. I would have probably shit a few bricks too."

"Your way with words never ceases to amaze me." Leonardo shook his head, "But I guess I see your point."

"There you go. Another one of life's mysteries solved." Raphael smirked.

"Hardly." The elder snorted in response. "There are way bigger mysteries out there."

"You're right. For starters," Suddenly Raphael scooped Leonardo up while simultaneously pulling himself into a seated position. He then began to toss the smaller turtle repeatedly into the air, "What are the chances my big brother would end up being such a pipsqueak?"

"Excuse me?! I am not a pipsqueak!" Leonardo snapped as he repeatedly tried and failed to get out of his sibling's grasp, "Damn it Raph! Cut it out!"

Abruptly the younger caught the elder, "You know, I'm glad you're my big brother, Leo."

"Uh well… Thanks? I mean…" Taken aback by the unexpected comment, Leonardo rubbed the back of his head self-consciously before finally composing himself, "I'm glad you're my little brother, Raph."

Hearing the sincerity in the elder's voice, the corners of Raphael's mouth quirked into a tiny grin, "See? I told you. It's already starting to get easier."

"Yeah yeah…" The blue-clad turtle shook his head, but returned the smile before teasing, "Still, you owe me. I'm still trying to recover from the sight of you scarfing Bambi."

"Very funny." Raphael huffed, "I'd like to see you keep a body this big fueled all the time. It ain't easy, leader boy."

At that exact moment, as if on cue, giant turtle's massive abdomen decided to emit a very loud gurgle. Leonardo laughed, "Apparently your stomach agrees with you."

Frowning, Raphael looked down at his offending plastron, "Guess all those fish I sucked up while swimming Mikey around weren't enough."

"Not if you want any fish left for the spring spawing anyway." Leonardo smirked.

"Thanks for rubbing it in." At another embarrassingly loud gut protest, Raphael placed Leonardo on the ground before standing up, "I better go find something before this stupid stomach of mine wakes everybody up."

"Isn't it a little early to go out on the prowl?" Blue eyes looked up in question.

"No, pre-dawn is actually a pretty good time. Besides, it's bad enough you saw me at it the other day. I don't want the others seeing me too. So if I keep going out early I should be able to keep it that way."

As the larger turned towards the forest, Leonardo suddenly sprinted to his feet, "Let me come with you."

Quirking an eye ridge, Raphael folded his arms as he stared down at the brother standing at his toes, "Considering you just had a nightmare about my eating habits and still feel nauseous when you think about that deer, I don't that's a good idea, Leo."

"But if I never come with you I'll never get used to it and the nightmares will keep coming back." Leonardo returned calmly.

"You really think watching me snap up fuzzy woodland creatures is going to help with that?" Raphael asked doubtfully.

"It's worth a shot." Blue eyes remained steady, "Isn't it?"

Finally the larger exhaled, "Fine." He crouched down to offer Leonardo a hand, "But I'm not going to hold back for the sake of your delicate disposition. Got it?"

As Raphael carefully placed his brother on his shoulder the elder answered, "I'm not asking you to."

"Good." Another grumble came from the massive turtle's abdomen, "Because I plan on going all out. I barely ate anything yesterday."

"Because a school of fish is nothing." Leonardo mocked as they entered the forest.

Emerald eyes rolled, "Keep it up smart ass and I'm dumping your sorry shell back at the farm."

"And you say I have a "delicate disposition."" The sitting turtle smugly countered.

"Can it." Raphael snapped to the pest on his shoulder before freezing as he took in a large inhale.

Shifting through the noise of so many smells, his eyes narrowed when he caught what he was searching for. Immediately, he took another sniff before zeroing in on the scent. Quietly he lowered himself to the ground. Crouching on the autumn detritus, Raphael briefly lifted a finger to his lips signalling for his brother's silence. Nodding in understanding, Leonardo remained quiet as the reptilian behemoth crept through the undergrowth.

As Raphael steadily picked his way along, Leonardo knew he was impressed by his brother's skill. His ability to stay silent despite his great size was a feat in itself, but managing to somehow maintain a subtle grace all the while was something else entirely. The only sound Raphael made was when he occasionally stopped to take an inhale. Even that was almost impossible to discern and Leonardo doubted if he hadn't been perched on Raphael's shoulder he probably would have never have heard it.

Gradually they made their way and slowly Leonardo became aware that with each step closer to his quarry, Raphael's body was tensing. The eldest could sense his brother's blood racing and one look at those green eyes told him that Raphael was excited. With an unsaid pulsing buzz in the air, Leonardo knew it would not be long.

When a grin slid across Raphael's face, the small turtle immediately searched his surroundings trying to find the source of his brother's eager anticipation. Yet he could neither see, hear, nor smell anything. Raphael remained stock still and it would be a full two minutes before Leonardo finally heard what had caused the dely.

Just through the brambles no more than twenty-yards away and to their left, came a slight rustling. Straining his eyes, Leonardo tried to see what was behind the sound, but Raphael remained patient. Then the noise stopped and they continued to wait. It was just when Leonardo was sure whatever they were stalking had to have wandered off that the eldest swore he heard a faint splash.

Not even a second later, and Raphael was moving again. However, this time the giant turtle was definitely maintaining a faster pace. Soon enough they came to the source of the splashing. Until Raphael was knee deep in water did Leonardo realize that they had descended into some kind of marsh.

The water was so still and thoroughly covered with vegetation that he was amazed his brother had somehow known it was there. Surely anyone else would have tripped head over heels into the swampy water. However, Raphael had not missed a beat. Instead, he sunk deeper into the water gently swimming so as not to give away his position. It was then, just through the cattails that Leonardo finally saw what they were pursuing. There, out in the middle of the bog was a great bull moose.

Leonardo had never even seen a moose before let alone one that large. He glanced nervously over at his brother who didn't seem perturbed by its size in the least. Mind, Leonardo supposed if anyone could disable such a creature his colossal reptilian brother could. As though sensing his brother's gaze, Raphael turned his green eyes onto Leonardo's. With his eyes he looked pointedly at the water before nodding at the moose. Quickly catching onto Raphael's strategy, Leonardo nodded and in response the larger jerked his head towards his back. Not needed another hint, the elder turtle quickly and quietly shimmied off Raphael's shoulder and onto the edge of his carapace.

After taking one last look to see that Leonardo was secure, Raphael gave him an excited grin before turning back. Not a second later, and Leonardo found himself holding to his sibling's shell while Raphael dove beneath the surface. Only once they were fully submerged did Raphael's pace increase tremendously. Leonardo found himself clinging for dear life as his brother rocketed towards the moose's long legs treading beneath the surface.

The moose had no idea. Raphael had moved so quickly and quietly that until he grabbed at its feet did the beast realize it was in danger. After all, such a large creature never even registered that it would ever be attacked from the water's depths. Meanwhile, Leonardo kept the edge of Raphael's carapace in a vice grip as he watched through his milky white nictitating eyelids.

True, this Raphael may not be so tall as to tower over skyscrapers, but he was more than a match for the poor moose. He appeared to effortlessly yank the bull beneath the surface before lashing his jaws towards its neck. In a split second, Raphael had its neck broken and was rising back to the surface. With the carcass in his mouth, he dragged it to the shore before removing it. Only then, as he stood on two legs did he easily lift it out of the water single-handedly. A few moments later, he sank down to the ground and acknowledged Leonardo, "Pretty good, huh? This guy's way bigger than Bambi."

"Nice Raph." Smoothly descending from his brother's shell, Leonardo landed onto the soft moss. However, upon seeing the blood oozing from the moose's neck, green skin blanched as the turtle stepped away, "No, not nice. Not nice at all." He covered his mouth, "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Seriously bro?" Emerald eyes shot an exasperated look in Leonardo's direction, "You made it this far and now you're deciding you can't stomach it?"

"I assure you," Leonardo turned his shell to Raphael as he knelt on the ground nearby breathing heavily, "I have no free-will where this is involved."

When his brother dry-retched Raphael jumped up, "Dude not here! I don't want to smell your barf when I'm about to eat!"

"Oh I'm sorry!" The eldest barked between breaths, "I'd hate for my vomiting to inconvenience you!"

"Hey, you're the one who insisted on coming!" The gigantic turtle growled, "I told you what to expect!"

"Yeah but it's different up close." Leonardo whined as he dry-retched again.

"Oh for the love of –" Raphael grabbed his game and snapped, "Just give me two minutes."

Immediately, Raphael began eating his prey as fast as he could. However, spying Leonardo still bent double, the younger turtle went into double time. He knew he was going to get indigestion from it, but in record time he was done and striding over to the nearby water. Only after he was sure there was no remaining evidence of his meal, he returned to where Leonardo was sprawled on his shell, eyes closed, with his arms and legs spread-eagle.

Catching the definite scent of vomit, he sighed, but was unable to keep the edges of his mouth from quirking slightly. Still standing, Raphael leaned over to look down at his brother, "Hey big bro, whatcha doing?"

Opening his eyes, Leonardo moaned, "Remind me never to go on these adventures with you again."

"How much didja puke?"

Squeezing his eyes again, the elder answered, "Too much."

"Yeah, it smells like it." Crouching to the ground, Raphael carefully closed his fingers around Leonardo's shell, "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up and then take you back."

Blue eyes opened just in time to register that his body had been gently nestled into Raphael's grasp. Focusing, Leonardo studied his brother who was looking straight ahead as he strode back to the water's edge. Once there, Raphael knelt down and lowered his palms just above the surface, "I wouldn't drink it, but at least use it to wash your face off."

Doing as he was told, Leonardo splashed water over his face before falling back against Raphael's palm. Once more Raphael rose up to his full height before redirecting himself back towards the way they had come. It was now close to dawn and the birds had begun singing. Everything was awash in the promise of the sunlight soon to come. Yet, despite no longer having the need for it, Raphael kept his stride steady and gentle.

Cobalt eyes quietly observed his brother as Leonardo pondered this. It was only when his younger sibling spoke that the elder realized Raphael was doing it for him, "How you feeling? Let me know if you need a break."

Suddenly feeling his cheeks heat, Leonardo lost filter to his embarrassment, "How'd you get to be so gentle?"

"What? Who said a twenty-seven foot tall mutant turtle can't be gentle?"

Regretting ever opening his mouth, Leonardo tried to amend, "S-sorry I didn't mean…"

"Relax Leo." Suddenly the elder caught sight of the expression on Raphael's face and immediately knew his brother wasn't offended, "Don't get me wrong I can cause cave-ins and demolish buildings but I can be careful when I want to be." Catching Leonardo's eye he continued, "Sensei's to thank for that. He's the one who was always after us about tempering our strength. Frankly, it wouldn't surprise me if somehow he always knew we'd eventually be in contact with humans and need to be gentle with them." He looked back up, "Same thing still applies to me now, just… A little more so."

"You make it look so easy." Leonardo remarked.

"Yeah well…" Raphael smiled to himself, "I've had years of practice. I'll have to show you what I can do some time."

"What you can do?" The blue-eyed turtle pushed himself up. "What do you mean?"

"Let's just say I haven't spent all this time just hunting squirrelanoids and mucking around the sub sewers." If Leonardo could see them he would have saw a bright glean in his brother's eyes, "Eight years is a long time. It gives you plenty of chances to get really good at a few things."

Now thoroughly curious Leonardo probed, "What is it?"

"Patience Leo." Finally they broke through the tree line to the open space of the farm, "I can't just tell you all the good stuff at once."

"Why not?" The eldest huffed.

"Because," Raphael gave his brother a knowing grin as he placed him back on the ground, "I gotta keep you interested."

"My brother's a twenty-some foot turtle. You really think you're going to lose my interest that quickly?"

"Meh." Raphael shrugged, "Probably not."

The larger continued towards the barn, but before he could open the doors, Leonardo was tilting his head in question, "You're going back to bed?"

Turning around slightly, Raphael regarded him, "It's only six Leo. The sun's not even up yet, and" He gestured to his gut, "I just ate probably close to 1500 pounds worth of moose. I may be big, but I still can have a food coma, which is exactly what I plan to do now."

"Food coma?" Leonardo snickered, "You do realize Sensei's probably going to have us up for training in like an hour."

"An hour's better than nothing. Besides, with any luck he'll get into a meditation groove and won't come for us as early. Yesterday, I broke him out of it so he had no reason not to drag our sorry asses outside to train."

"What if I break him out of it?" Leonardo gave Raphael a shit-faced grin.

However, before the blue-eyed turtle could even blink, he was engulfed by a massive scaled hand. Holding him securely, Raphael turned back to the doors, "Don't even think about it Lame-n-ardo. You're the one who nearly upchucked on my breakfast. You owe me."

"Hardly." Albeit scoffing, the elder did not resist his brother's hold, "I was a good ten feet from that mess."

"One turtle's trash is another turtle's treasure." Green-eyes crinkled slightly as a subtle grin graced his features, "Still, if nothing else do it for Mikey and Donnie's sake." He creaked open the door an inch so they could spy their two youngest brothers curled up on one another in sleep, "Do you have it in you to disturb those two dorks when they're like that?"

"Oh I know we both have it in us." Leonardo chuckled softly.

"Yeah…" Raphael admired the two turtles with as much fondness as his big brother did, "I'm glad Mikey's finally catching some Z's."

"You and me both." The other whispered back, "It's good to see him back to his old self. He's been…" Leonardo looked down at his hands resting on Raphael's colossal index finger, "A little less bright these last few years."

"I'm getting that impression," Raphael regarded his brother solemnly, "But I don't think he's been the only one."

"We just…" Leonardo shook his head, "Weren't entirely whole without you Raph."

It was the larger turtle's turn to exhale, "I should have come back a long time ago."

"That would have been nice." Cobalt eyes looked up, seeking out Raphael's, "But like you said, we can't change that now. All we can do is pick up the pieces and try to move on with what we have."

Raphael granted his brother a tiny nod and a small smile, but before he could speak, a new voice broke through their exchange, "If you guys want to have a heart-to-heart that's fine, but can you close the door? You're letting all the cold air and your loud voices in."

Both Leonardo's and Raphael's eyes zeroed in on the two turtles nestled in the straw, there, Michelangelo's bright blue and slightly sleepy eyes met them. Unable to resist the warmth that suddenly flowed into his heart seeing his brother so relaxed, Raphael quickly slipped into the barn with Leonardo still in his grasp. After closing the door behind him. The massive turtle traversed the expanse of straw as softly as he could, so as not to also wake the still sleeping Donatello, before placing his charge back on his sleeping bag. As Leonardo shimmied back into its warmth, Raphael laid down, curling up as much as he could around his three small brothers with his face closest to where Michelangelo was nestled. Raphael surprised himself with a yawn, "I feel like I could sleep for a week."

"Fill up at the moose buffet, didja?" The youngest remarked.

Green eyes opened wide in question, "How'd you…?"

"I'm not deaf, bro." Michelangelo then crawled out of his sleeping bag and began dragging it. Once he was right by Raphael's cheek, he sank back into it, "Don't worry, I get it. You do whatever you need to make you comfy." He then snuggled up to his brother's face, "As long as it keeps you around, I'll be happy."

"Mikey…" Despite his ever-increasing food-derived fatigue, Raphael ignored the urge to just pass out so that he could prolong this moment as long as possible. Nuzzling his cheek against Michelangelo's body, he murmured, "You don't have to worry little brother; I'm not going anywhere."

"Hmmm…" The freckled turtle hummed in contentment, "Who'd have thought my big brother would end up such a softie?"

"Meh." Not perturbed by his sibling's tease in the slightest, Raphael lightly pushed against the other in affection, "There are worse things I could be."

"True." It was Michelangelo's turn to yawn, "But right now I think I'm good with us being asleep."

Closing his eyes, Raphael sighed, "You and me both."

As the two turtles drifted off to sleep, Leonardo watched them from where he lay buried in his sleeping bag. Smiling, the eldest closed his eyes, deciding he would accompany them in dreamland.

* * *

 **A/N Goodness, I am so so so sorry it took me this long to update! That was never my intention. Alas, my life has been beyond crazy the last six months. Between the insane demands of my program and real life chaos/drama I just haven't had the energy. I haven't given up on this story though! On the plus side, with summer around the corner hopefully then I will have more time to write. So for those of you still reading this, thank-you so much with your patience and sticking with me. You are all amazing fans and I will always be grateful for your support!**


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